"AITA for not giving my brother half of the house and business?"

My (38M) parents died when I was 23 and my little brother, Adam (27M), was 12. He inherited my parents' money in an account with me as payee until he turned 18, but he asked me to manage the account for him after that. It paid for his needs until he graduated and got a job.

I inherited the house, the family business, and massive debt. I planned to sell the business and house and move him to live with me, but Adam had a massive meltdown and the therapist I sent him to insisted he needed to be close to friends, even though we had no other family there and my entire life was in another country.

Against my better judgement, I moved 4800 km back home. I quit my old job and broke my lease, tried to maintain a long distance relationship with my gf at the time, juggling my parents' business and trying to pay for a house with most of the mortgage left all by myself.

I started dating Emily (now 34) when Adam was 16, and when he moved for college, he gave Emily his blessing to move in with me. We got married when Adam was 21 and we are expecting our first child. Emily helps me run the business, which barely survived 2020, the house is paid off, and I'm starting to turn a small profit again.

A few years ago, Adam lost his job, and I gave him the rest of his money in his account to support himself, and he asked me to handle the bills. Every month I'd send him some food money and let him know his updated balance. He doesn't have enough to pay for the remainder of his lease, and I warned him that Emily and I can't afford to support him.

I gave him two options: get a job and pay his rent, and I'd pay his food bill, or move home and live with us for free while working for the family business. He lost it, saying that it was my fault for sacrificing my life for the business and the house, and that he shouldn't have to give up his life, since I was supposed to take care of him.

I told him I gave up my entire life FOR HIM, and I struggled to keep the house and the business alive because he wanted me to. So I don't have cash to spare to support him because I have employees and a baby on the way.

He insisted I sell the house and business and give him "his half" and I reminded him that those were my part of the inheritance, not his, that I paid most of the mortgage, and I kept the business alive, and I didn't want to give up everything I worked.

Our grandparents (mom's parents--late 80s I think?) are the only living relatives we have, they live in a territory overseas and refused to take Adam or help us because my parents didn't leave them anything, so I was stunned when I received an angry phone call from my grandma calling me a greedy b*st*rd and telling me I should be taking care of my little brother.

I reminded her that he's 27 and needs to get a job and take care of himself--and I let her know I OFFERED him both a home and a job with me and he said no. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

NUT-me-SHELL said:

NTA. If Grandma is that concerned that her grown ass grandson needs to be taken care of, she’s free to take him in and finance his life. You’ve done your part and now it’s time for him to grow up and do his.

Consistent_Ad_859 said:

Nta! 1. It is your inheritance that you had to sacrifice to maintain. 2. Your brother squandered his inheritance by believing it was an infinite source. 3. Grannie can put her money where her mouth is.

ArtemisFletcher92 said:

NTA. Your brother is now 27. You did the best you could to take care of him. But he's an adult. The only thing you've done wrong is continuing to take care of him for this long. I understand because he's your little brother, but your his older brother, not his parent. It's time for him to start doing things for himself and to stop expecting you to do everything for him.

i-likebigmutts said:

Your brother is 27, 4 years OLDER than you when you were put in the position to be his guardian and look after him. Your job is finished. He needs to grow up.

A month after his original post, he shared this UPDATE:

Thank you to everyone who commented on my post and pointed out some things I had been unable to see for myself. A few days after my post was judged, I sat down and had a video call with Adam. I told him that by the time I was his age, I had been raising him for four years already, and I had willingly supported him for years.

But now it was time to get a job again. He laughed and asked if I was serious and I told him I was, that I was removing myself as a payee on his account, period, because he had been an adult for almost ten years, and it was time for him to act like one. I said I did my duty and then some raising him, but I have an actual baby coming that I need to raise.

I handed off all financial responsibility to him and wished him the best. He tried to backtrack and accept a position and home here with me, and I told him the offer no longer stood because I couldn't trust him to be a good houseguest to my wife and eventually my baby, nor could I trust him to not pull the "my brother OWNS this business" card that a few pointed out, too.

I told him he needed to stand on his own two feet--not for me, but for himself. That he needed to learn to be independent. There was yelling and crying after that, but when I hung up, I was dead certain it would be the last time I ever heard from my brother again.

I heard from my grandparents during that time, but I told them point blank that unless they were offering to financially support a 27-year-old man, that I was done having any conversations with them regarding Adam and his inability to be responsible for himself.

To my surprise, he called me today to tell me he just got hired for a new job that he starts in two weeks, broke his lease and moved to a smaller, more affordable apartment, and met his new neighbors, a brother and sister who helped move in his boxes and unpack his kitchen--they already have invited him to their next game night with their friends.

He's still a little sore that I wouldn't let him have part of our parents' legacy, but he realizes he wouldn't have a new job and new friends if I hadn't kicked him into gear, and that with the way he acted, he didn't deserve it anyway.