'AITA for telling my brother-in-law his kids aren’t my problem?'

"AITA for telling my brother-in-law his kids aren’t my problem?"

My 50M wife’s younger brother 28M is a high school dropout, he had a daughter at 16 and he dropped out to work and provide for her because his now in laws were super religious and they disowned their daughter and kicked her out and refused to help her because she got pregnant.

He ended up marrying her at 18 and they now have 4 kids together. Neither of them continued their education, he’s a construction worker now and she’s a stay at home mom. My wife and I are both doctors, all her siblings are successful. We have 4 kids of our own, we barely get any time off to spend with them.

Back in August we both took two weeks off to go on a family holiday to Europe, he came and asked my wife if we could take all 4 of his kids with us because we can “easily afford it” she told him she’s not doing it because it’s supposed to be family time and taking care of 8 kids is impossible.

He got desperate and started begging us, I told him straight up he and his kids aren’t our responsibility, he said fine and asked if we could instead pay for a vacation for them, that angered me and I told him we’re not a bank account for him and his family, he said it’s not fair that his kids watch their cousins do and experience all these stuff while they don’t. I said life’s not fair and that they have to learn that.

My in laws are both gone now and my other siblings in law all live hours away now all over the states we’re the only ones that he’s close to since we both still live in their childhood hometown.

he called us stuck up rich a$$holes, I told him it’s not my fault he got someone pregnant at 16 and ruined his life, and that it’s not my problem my in laws refused to help him back then and that it’s still not my problem he can’t afford nice stuff for his kids the ones that they chose to have later on knowing their financial situation.

Right now he’s acting very hurt and he bitched about us to his other siblings but none of them offered to help as well. My wife now feels bad and she says that he feels so bad watching his kids seeing ours and their other cousins having nice lives and not them and that they’re probably very hurt. I told her if she wants to help I won’t stop her but I’m not giving him anything. AITA?

This is what people had to say to OP:

ConstructionOk4228 said:

If the kids were hungry or needed medical care I'd help. But not a free European vacation. Not to mention that gives him and his baby momma two weeks child free while doubling your child care time. NTA.

kcsews said:

You had me L O L!! At "can you take my 4 Kids to Europe with YOUR 4 kids"??!!! Oh my god seriously dude I just would have laughed and walked away

SweetBekki said:

NTA - Hes not begging for help with food. If him and his wife are struggling financially then a holiday should be the last thing on their mind. He needs to work on improving his situation.

Mental-Somewhere-120 said:

We all grow up watching friends, neighbors, and family members doing things we don’t get to… It’s part of life so he is definitely an AH thinking that you will just give him money… But from the start of reading this post and how judgemental you are about him and his education and ruining his life? you are definitely a AH too, but for different reasons.

Ok_Play2364 said:

Nothing stopped him from getting his GED and working towards bettering his situation after he dropped out

Major_Friendship4900 said:

ESH. He’s the bigger one in this situation, but you sound like a judgmental sanctimonious person in general.

Euphoric-Owl5065 said:

I mean you're not wrong, but you definitely went about it in an a$$hole way.