'AITA for telling my brother that his insufferable personality is the reason he can't keep a woman?'
"AITA for telling my brother that his insufferable personality is the reason he can't keep a woman?"
My brother (32) is admittedly an attractive and fit guy. He's 6'3 and makes around $350K. So he's got a lot going for him. But his personality is just..... insufferable. Always has been.
Whenever we go out, he picks an argument over the smallest things. He throws a fit if we don't eat where he wants to eat. If we go on a week long vacation, and he gets upset by something early on, he won't improve his mood until Day 4 or 5. And he'll make sure no one else enjoys their vacation either. It's really frustrating.
His story with women is another thing. He has dated tons of women over the last 10 years since he graduated college at 22, probably around 30-40. His longest relationship was around 8 months.
He had ridiculously high standards and then expects the woman he is dating to baby him and clean up after him. About 1 month into a relationship, he'll call me complaining and moaning about all the things he does not like about her. When I try to talk some sense into him, he just says "I'm 6'3 and I make over $300K, I deserve the best women."
We went to dinner the other day and he started acting like a brat like he usually does. He didn't like the restaurant I picked out so he kept telling the waitress (loudly) that he doesn't like the food or the coffee or ambience, etc. I didn't react because I was sick and tired of his crap. Usually I pick fights and argue with him, but not this time.
On the way home, he started squaring up on me by saying "What? You aren't gonna pick a fight with me because I told you the place you picked is lame??". I just said "nah bro, I won't pick any more fights cause your horrible personality is the reason you can't keep a girl". He got really angry about that and said it was messed up I would that.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Sometimes the truth hurts. Maybe he will learn something, but I doubt it.
NTA! Girls think they want a 6'3 man who makes $300K, until they meet your brother. Then they realize they want a loving and respectful man who sees them as an equal partner, not a prized cleaning woman who should be grateful for his trash company.
EXACTLY! This guy sounds good on paper, but no self-respecting woman would date him for more than a month. Personally, I don’t think I could make it past one date!!
So OP's brother is actually providing a service: helping women debunk the myth that tall men who make $300k are the complete package.
I would bet he spends a lot of time listening to toxic "alpha male" podcasters too telling him he deserves women who are models and who serve him. More men (male here, btw) need to be told about themselves. Maybe he will wake up because of you.
But honestly, why on earth are you going out with someone who sounds so miserable to be around? The first time he was rude to waitstaff would be the last time I'd go out with him. People who treat service people badly are bad people. NTA, but find better ways to spend your time.
NTA. If he wants the best woman, he has to be the best man. How can he be so picky about things and then complain about it?
NTA, Your brother sounds like an absolute nightmare. All the looks, money, height in the world don’t matter if you’re impossible to deal with. You told the truth, blunt as it is, because that’s the reality he refuses to face. Honestly, he needs to hear it, and maybe one day it’ll actually sink in.
Buy him books on etiquette. Office etiquette and social etiquette He might benefit from going to Charm School. Everything you mentioned is bad manners. This can be cured.
Sadly, people with bad manners resist hearing it from the folks closest to them, so you need third party presentation, like a book, workshop or school. At least, this way, he has a better chance to fix things. Good luck OP.
I would imagine that at least one of the many people he dated and left him would have told him the reason why the relationship is over is because of (start listing his faults here). If hearing the reasons directly from the horse’s mouth doesn’t affect him, he’s probably a lost cause. NTA.
The best thing that could happen is if your brother gets therapy with someone who specializes in narcissistic personality disorder. Other than that there is really no help for him.
Most narcissists are smart so adjust their behavior so they can get what they want (in your brother’s case a woman) but your brother is not only a narcissist but he’s stupid as well, so just accept that he’ll always be a jerk and that he’ll be lonely, which is obviously ticking him off. I doubt he has any real friends either.
There is nothing you can do to fix this so your new philosophy of keeping your mouth shut is probably for the best. Other than that just avoid him (like every woman he has ever dated has already figured out) and your life will be happier. I imagine if he wasn’t your brother you would have cut him out of your life years ago, because he sounds insufferable.