'AITA for not telling my brother that my mom secretly DNA tested his son?'
"AITA for not telling my brother that my mom secretly DNA tested his son and not saying sorry?"
AITA? Last month he found out his soon to be ex wife has been cheating on him. It was really messed up since he’s done so much for her. Both of my parents hated her so much since she has a very shaky history (pretty sure they hired a PI) and found out she’s been running away from home since she was fourteen, been in the system, went to rehab etc
She met my brother at a point where she was stable and had a job and everything but they still hated her since she refused to talk about her family and past.
When she got pregnant with my nephew 5 years ago, my parents were both mad and didn’t think the baby was my brothers. At that point they didn’t speak badly about her since my brother threatened to never speak to them again if they didn’t accept her so they were fakely liking her but always talking badly about her behind her back.
One day I was coming back from school when my nephew was like a year and I walked into my mom putting something in his mouth and then putting it into a bag. I asked her what the hell she’s doing and she told me to mind my business. I walked over and saw she had some Amazon DNA kit she ordered. I asked her why she’s doing that and she said that she needs to make sure he’s actually related to us.
I told my mom our brother would be mad and she told me there’s no way he’d find out. She told me I can’t tell him and that if I do she won’t pay for my car or my college. I asked her if she’s serious since she’s never threatened me and she said yes and that she’s not even telling my dad.
I thought it was super messed up and a few weeks later my mom told me the results were in and she’s the grandmother. After that she became much nicer to my ex SIL so I that took some guilt off me.
Once it was exposed she cheated and they broke up my mom couldn’t wait to tell my brother that she always knew she was sleeping around and even got the baby tested because she needed to make sure. My brother got extremely upset at my mom and started asking me and my dad if we knew. My dad swore he didn’t know and when my brother asked me I couldn’t lie again.
I told him I knew but mom threatened me but he didn’t care and isn’t speaking to me. I was upset at first and felt bad but it’s been a week and I don’t care that hes mad at me for not telling him. I was being threatened and was literally 17. My brother came over yesterday and we spoke and he asked me to apologize like our mom just did. I said no and he got mad again saying I’m an @$$hole.
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
nathashanails said:
I’m going with NTA. You were only 17, still a kid. Your mom threatened you. She threatened your entire future by saying she wouldn’t pay for your college! Your mom is the only true AH.
Sea-Resource5933 said:
NTA because you were a minor and your mom was threatening you. HOWEVER, at this point I think you can tell your brother you hated not telling him and you were sorry for what your mom did. He has every right to be angry and I’m sure validating how wrong it was will go a long way.
I understand you not telling but I also understand him being mad. I would be going out of my way to mend fences and earn his trust back.
reyballesta said:
I'm...I'm gonna go with NTA. this is a sh!tty situation that your mom put you in. she never should have threatened you and she never should have DNA tested that baby. you were being threatened with no more financial support as a minor and I can understand why you didn't tell him. I do sympathize with your brother, though. this isn't easy for him.
JudgeJed100 said:
YTA - and apology is not always an admission of guilt. You hurt your brother. That alone is worth an apology.
And Moggetti said:
ESH, except your brother. Your family sounds horrible. Like, if I understand correctly, your mother “hated” your ex-SIL for… having a difficult childhood. How charming. And she was planning on being nasty to a toddler if he wasn’t related to her. Even more charming.
Were you under duress? It sounds like your father would not have approved of your mother’s actions, if he had found out. So how would your mother have cut you off?