'AITA for not talking to my brother after he tried to invite himself on my girls trip?' + UPDATE
"AITA for not talking to my brother after he tried to invite himself on my girls trip?"
So this happened on Tuesday night (April 29). I was having dinner with my mom and casually told her I’m going on a girls’ trip next week. She was just being a mom and told me to be careful. My older brother (29M) didn’t really say anything during dinner, so I just finished eating and went to my room.
About an hour later, my mom called me to the living room she was talking to my brother. I didn’t think much of it until he suddenly said, “I’ll come with you on the way to the girls’ trip.” I was confused and told him, “No need, I’m taking my car. I’ll be fine.”
But he kept telling my mom it’s okay, he’ll just drop me off and then go stay at his friend’s place for the week. I didn’t say anything after that, but honestly, the whole vibe of the trip already felt off. I didn’t want to start a fight, so I just stayed quiet. I didn’t talk to him after that night and still haven’t.
About Myself : I’m 23 and working as a data analyst in a reputed company. My brother is 29, doesn’t have a job, and honestly has a habit of trying to use my plans as a way to get out or do something fun. It always feels like he’s inserting himself just because he’s bored, not because he actually cares.
Now I’m being told I should talk to him or explain why I didn’t want him to tag along. But I didn’t even argue, I just left it. So… AITA for not talking to him after all this and not forcing a conversation?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Not really an AH, but you do need to tell him "NO" and not let him drag you into an argument. You don't owe him an explanation. It is a girls trip with your friends. He is neither a girl nor a friend. That's it.
Yeah, you need to say something. You're an adult and you need to advocate for yourself.
NTA. You don't owe him an explanation. You are a grown adult capable of making your own decisions. It's 2025, women don't need chaperones anymore.
Wow. Your brother needs to get a job and get a life. He's too old to not understand that inviting himself to places isn't okay. NTA.
No is a complete thought. He's a lazy older brother getting coddled by his mom and mooching off other people. If he really wanted to visit his friend, he would do that, but it just sounds like he's being overprotective or using your vacation as a cover for his.
I would also be worried about him showing up to places I was at to "check in on me" or as a "coincidence". do you usually post where you're going as you're there/at the place?
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
Hi again everyone. Thank you so much for all the support. I wanted to share an update and clarify a few things. After everything happened, my mom didn’t say much, but deep down, even she didn’t want my brother tagging along on my girls’ trip.
My dad actually supported me and even gave me some money to enjoy my time off. My parents didn’t encourage my brother’s behavior in fact, they told him clearly that just because he’s bored doesn’t mean he can join my plans. So I really appreciate them for having my back quietly.
To be honest: my brother isn’t a bad guy. He’s not a “golden child” or anything. our parents treat both of us equally. I love him deeply. He’s the same person who helped me with homework when I was a kid, who taught me how to bake cookies, and who has always been there in little ways. And yes, he knows it’s really hard for me to say no to him.
Right now, he’s going through a rough patch in life, and maybe he just needed a break. But I also needed this trip for myself it’s something I planned with my girls to recharge, not to take care of someone else. Still, after this trip, I’ve decided to take another week off and plan something just for my family... because I want him to have a break too, in a space that feels right.
I may not be the perfect sister, and I’m still learning how to set boundaries with love. But I’ll never abandon him. That said, I’ve realized that sometimes, family isn’t everything, respect is. And when your family treats you with respect, choosing them isn’t a sacrifice, it’s a act of love.....Thank you all again. Your words helped more than you know.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Which of your friends does he want to be with?
Looked at your original post. Your brother is 29 according to that post. Yet, a comment you made here says your parent’s don’t let him out. I feel like you MUST have left out context about your brother. Otherwise, this post makes little sense. You make it sound like your brother is 15 and trying to go out with you and your friends as a way to get your parents to “let” him.
You sound that you are a really lovely person. Hopefully familytime will be fullfilling! ❤️ So nice to read how much you care about your family and want to have special time with them.
look at that, a good resolution without any weird extreme actions like most of these sub advice 99% of the times. congrats and hope you have a good trip(s).
“OP:** He took Care of me as a teenager, he does have breakdowns because of me, and I think it's my time to take care of him when he's hitting the bottom...”
This statement needs its own thread…