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'AITA for lashing out at my SIL for announcing her pregnancy at my daughter's bday party?'

'AITA for lashing out at my SIL for announcing her pregnancy at my daughter's bday party?'

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"AITA for arguing with my brother's wife after she announced her pregnancy at my daughter's birthday party?"

Hi. I'm a 37 year old mom. First off let me start by saying that my 13 year old daughter Maya was suffering from blood cancer and it was incredibly hard on her because of how weak she was. We'd seen some pretty awful days. I was exhausted I had zero strength to handle it.

It was just me and my husband doing everything my parents themselves been dealing with health issues but my brother and his wife only visited a couple of times and that was it. My brother's wife made some backhanded comments about maya's health/look while Maya was struggling.

Maya cried twice because of her insensitivity and lack of consideration. We kept our distance from her and my brother and focused on Maya. It's been nearly over a year now and Maya is in good health and I'm so thankful for that. Last year unfortunately, we didn't get to celebrate her birthday due to circumstances but this year her grandparents said they wanted to celebrate her birthday at their house.

I agreed. Maya has a wonderful relationship with her grandparents and I knew she'd want to go celebrate her birthday with them. My mom invited family members. My brother and his wife were already there since they always visit.

Things were going great. Family members showed up with gifts and more sweets and also took pictures. However. Once Maya started opening her gifts. My sister in law got up while my brother was asking for a minute because he said they had something to announce.

By the look on his wife's face it seemed like it was planned. My sister in law announced that she and my brother were expecting and everyone started congratulating her and hugging my brother. I was standing next to Maya and I noticed she was uncomfortable. Sister in law basically stole my daughter's birthday to announce her pregnancy even though she could've picked another day.

Maya seemed upset until the party was over she didn't even open some gifts as everyone else was sitting and talking to my sister in law. We left an hour early and once I got home I called my sister in law and asked her why she thought it was okay for her to ruin my daughter's birthday and crush her spirit after having been through so much that this party was needed.

I basically lashed out at her and told her she could've picked another day. But she pulled the "the whole family was there, So I couldn't miss the chance" nonsense. Maya stayed in her room after that and she even refused to look at the pictures we took. I got into an argument with my brother telling me I shouldn't berate his pregnant wife and scold her like that.

He said she didn't do anything to me so I needed to apologize for being mean and rude to her for no reason but I refused and turned my phone off. Everyone please understand that I am not in the USA.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

NTA. You never steal another person's moment to announce one of your own. Ever. I don't care if it's the only time in the next decade everyone will be together. You don't steal someone else's moment. And especially not the moment of a kid who's had a very rough year, probably terrified that she wouldn't even see another birthday, and finally gets to have a celebration and a little normalcy.

Your brother and SIL deserve to be raked over the coals a few more times. And can the rest of society agree that the appropriate response to this sort of behavior is "that's nice, but not now" and go back to celebrating the original thing?

said:

NTA. Your daughter deserved a moment. She's a child and an adult took her limelight.

said:

Send your SIL and brother a link to this post. Dear SIL and brother, Hijacking a little girl's birthday party, especially one who has been through so much is low and selfish. Your behaviour and lack of remorse sucks. There are sea slugs reading this story and saying ewww. Congratulations on your good news and well done for spoiling a vulnerable girl's big day. Love the internet.

NTA.

said:

NTA. Even if your daughter had not been through a health crisis, announcing something like that a her birthday party is still insensitive and incredibly rude. They couldn't even bother to wait until the end of the party.

And said:

ESH except for your daughter. Every adult that knew your daughter’s situation should have congratulated your sil and THEN refocused and made a big fuss over your daughter because it’s her celebration. Adults that act oblivious really make me irritated.

Edit: Changing my explanation. Every adult should’ve redirected attention back to Maya even her parents. Well, especially her parents. So still ESH.

said:

NTA. I could understand if they announced at the end of the night after cake & presents and all the birthday stuff was done. But to interrupt a child opening presents, especially one who has been through as much as your daughter, is unkind. I think you should have called out your brother first, perhaps, but they bother deserved it.

And OP responded:

Exactly. I've talked to my mom and she said the same thing. To be honest my brother is known for being defensive of his wife's behavior. He's now blaming me and saying that it's not my daughter who's upset. It's me.

Commenters overwhelmingly agree, NTA.

Sources: Reddit
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