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'AITA for being a "burden" on my sister, according to her GF?' + UPDATE

'AITA for being a "burden" on my sister, according to her GF?' + UPDATE

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"AITA for being a burden on my sister?"

When I (21M) was a kid, my mom passed away and my sister (28F) was basically my maternal figure. This happened when I was 6 and my dad goes to work at 5 AM and only comes back around 11 PM. My sister usually took care of me. She sacrificed a lot to take care of me and she spoiled me a lot too.

Despite my dad telling her not worry about cooking, she would always come home from school and cook, and she was the one who helped me pack for school trips. My dad and I are really grateful to her and she always says she wouldn’t have done anything different. She was basically my mom, and I’m very close with her.

She calls me daily and checks in on me, and does the same with my dad. Once again, for my dad and I, we couldn’t imagine life without her. We both feel really bad about her sacrificing her childhood but she insists she didn’t sacrifice anything as she still did stuff and all she did extra was cook and help take care of me(but that’s a huge responsibility that me and my dad acknowledge).

My sister and her girlfriend(24F), have been in a relationship for 2-3 years. I recently moved to my sisters city after transferring to her college. I went to visit her and her girlfriend and catch up over lunch since it’s been 6-7 months since I’ve seen my sister. This was my first time meeting her gf. When I saw my sister and met her gf everything was normal.

My sister invited me to visit their apartment whenever I had a chance. My sister asked me if I wanted some of her home cooked meals she made for me as a kid and I smiled and asked if she could make one of my favorites. I love my sisters cooking and I was really happy she offered. Her gf’s face contorted but she didn’t say anything.

My sister got called into a work emergency at her hospital, and told me and her gf to continue lunch without her and finish meeting each other. As soon as my sister left her gf’s attitude started changing. She told me my sister always spoke so fondly of me when all I seemed like was a burden and how my dad and I were misogynistic and brainwashed my sister to be our servant.

She(gf) said she’s(my sister) a victim who doesn’t realize she’s a victim. She said so many hurtful things and said I came back into my sisters life and even now I’m being a burden by asking her to cook for me. We both left, but it didn’t end there. She messaged me on instagram with more of the same stuff.

She said if I care about my sister I won’t tell her the conversation we had since gf was just looking out for my sister, and I would slowly take me and my dad out of my sisters life. I feel so bad. I never wanted my sister to lose her childhood or be my “servant”. The more I think about it, the more I think maybe her gf is right?

So AITA for being a burden on my sister her entire life? Should I slowly distance myself from her? What do I do to let her live her own life?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

NTA. TELL YOUR SISTER IMMEDIATELY. Her gf is trying to alienate her from her family and is likely controlling her other relationships as well. You aren’t a burden and the gf sounds like the sort of poison you don’t want anywhere near your sister, who seems like a very kind person.

You have written proof that the gf is harassing you and manipulating your sister. I recommend you send it to your sister.

said:

NTA. Please tell your sister what is happening. This is not ok. Also- As someone who had a hand in raising my younger sister & have more of a mom/daughter relationship with- I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Yes I gave up a lot but the love and pride I feel for my sister is more than I ever could describe. It sounds like your sister may feel the same about you. Don’t let this girlfriend tear that apart.

said:

NTA and you weren't the burden the GF was making it out to be. It's clear the GF is a man hater and she's the one brainwashing your sister. Tell your sister of the conversation ASAP

said:

NTA. You were 6 years old, so you couldn’t really be expected to take care of yourself. I can see where the gf is coming from, that because of society’s expectation that women help the family, your sister might have felt obligated to help out, but it doesn’t seem like this was actually the case, at least not from your perspective.

The one thing I might note is that your dad being gone 18 hours a day might have been avoidable, but I don’t know enough to judge. Also, in general, if somebody says something but is worried about the conversation getting out, it’s probably good to have at least a bit of doubt for what they are saying.

It seems like the gf might be a bit condescending and assume that your sister couldn’t see past societal expectations or didn’t want to talk with her about this.

TL;DR NTA- what were you supposed to do? You were 6!

And said:

NTA. That isn't your fault. That was your father's. And if she didn't want to continue doing nice things for you, she wouldn't. Screenshot everything and send it to your sister, because she's talking about cutting you out and i doubt your sister would like that.

Some time passed after her original post, and then OP shared this major update:

Thank you all for your advice. I collected evidence of sisters gf and the messages she sent me and was thinking about whether or not to show my sister. I talked to my father about it since it includes him too and my father cried at the thought of his daughter being better off without him.

But both my father and I both don’t want to cut my sister out of our life, and we thought we were selfish. My father has never cried except for when my mom died. He didn’t cry when his parents died. But that day he cried, thinking about not having contact with his daughter. The second time in my life I’ve seen him cry.

I finally showed my sister with my dad, and she was shocked. She said she’s never thought of it as a burden to care for me and she hugged me and we all had a family crying session as we reflected on the hardships and memory after my mother passed away.

My father and I told my sister we don’t mind what the girlfriend did and she should be with her if she’s happy, but my sister said it’s run it’s course. Anyone who doesn’t like my dad and me isn’t right for her is what she said and that the three of us are a package deal.

My sister broke it off with her gf and her gf unfortunately has nowhere to go since my gf let her stay in her apartment so far without asking for rent. My sister blocked her on everything and so did I. Her gf messaged me on a burner account saying she doesn’t even care that I made her homeless, that’s the least of her happiness, but it’s that I ruined my sister's love.

I showed my sister those messages and my sister laughed and told me to ignore any communication from her. My sister has assured me I didn’t ruin the relationship and she would’ve been heartbroken if I or my dad distanced ourselves. She said she’s proud of the Alan I grew up to be and she wouldn’t change anything about the past. We both cried again. That’s it. Thank you.

Edit: A lot of people mentioned we should do something for my sister to show her our appreciation. I reached out to her boss, who is my friends older brother, and asked if she had any vacation days and he said she should be getting a winter break for Christmas. Usually she spends this break at home with us or somewhere else since she’s saving up.

I talked it through with my dad and one of my sisters dreams has been to visit the Canary Islands. She’s always told us this and has even said it would be a perfect winter spot to avoid the chill. So we are pooling together money to get her a 12 day round trip. We will have everything booked in the next week, and we will surprise her with it as soon as everything is confirmed.

That’s all. Once again thank you. I won’t be doing any more posts or anything I’m going to abandon this account soon. Thank you all!

We are also paying for 2 of her best friends to go with her obviously. We don’t want her to go alone, as that’s not fun.

Sources: Reddit
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