Heated argument erupts as boyfriend questions girlfriend’s role in their relationship dynamic; 'I'm the prize!' AITA?
"AITA for bursting out laughing when she told me what she brought to our relationship?"
Evening-Campaign-970
I apologize for the mouthful of a title. I was trying to be as descriptive as possible. I (25m) have been dating my girlfriend (Jen, 24f) for nine months. Five months ago, Jen lost her job when her company went under, and around the same time, she had a falling out with her roommate.
She was in urgent need of housing but in an awkward position with employment status, so she reluctantly asked if she could move in to my house. I agreed because she had already spent the night several times, and she moved in under the condition that she would begin looking for work to contribute.
Now, back on our second date, when I asked Jen if she wanted to be exclusive, she responded by asking me what I would bring to a relationship with her. I answered as pragmatically as possible: a stable income, loyalty, companionship, willingness to compromise, and consistent attention to my appearance/hygiene.
I didn’t really care much for the question at the time, and so while she seemed mildly satisfied with what I said, I didn’t ask her in return. I feel like I’ve held up my end of the bargain. But after moving in, Jen only really looked for work for about two weeks.
She now spends the majority of her waking hours on Instagram, TikTok, and Netflix. I’ve raised the issue with her indirectly before by asking how her job search was going, and she said nobody was hiring, which I find hard to believe.
Well, yesterday in the evening, I finally hit my limit. Jen drank a bottle of wine that I was saving for a romantic evening date, and spent the rest of her day screwing around on her phone. After work, I sat her down and asked what she thought she brought to the relationship.
Jen stared at me for a few seconds as if I had asked the dumbest question in the history of mankind. Then she erupted, frantically pointing at herself, “Me! I’m the prize!”
From my perspective, this was coming from a woman who had just gotten day drunk off wine, watched Netflix, and ate all my food. I honestly couldn’t contain myself, and I burst into laughter. Every time I looked back at her, she would give me this incredulous look while shrugging, which only made me laugh harder.
Jen got really angry at me and let out this wailing shriek sort of sound. She stormed off to another room where I’m 100% sure she just screwed around on her phone more. I haven't talked to her since. I feel like I might have gone too far here. Was I the ahole?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Beautiful_Choice8620
NTA. I laughed when I read it because I agree with you. If she can ask you that question and you are able to provide a very good answer, she should be able to do the same. Girlfriend or not, you should give her a deadline to find a job or she needs to move back in with her parents.
She needs to not only bring herself to the relationship, but some finances, groceries, and cooking and cleaning skills. What makes her think she can just freeload off of you.
fergie_89
Yeah this 100%. NTA OP. She's an ahole and a freeloading one with double standards. You helped her out letting her move in way before most relationships consider it.
She isn't financially contributing, she's eating your food, drinking wine you were saving (no shame on occasionally getting day drunk but save it for a Saturday) she isn't looking for a job because she thinks she's got it made, she's a leech.
Give her a deadline say, November to get a job (if you're serious and love her) if not give her a few days to get her shit together and go elsewhere. You deserve better. Also what a weird question! You bring to the relationship what you have, she has nothing.
HokieJedi
NTA - This relationship sounds doomed. Women with the I’m the prize, now pay for everything attitude is the worst. She is getting used to doing nothing all day while you work. Now losing a job can definitely be extremely stressful and may require time, but not even looking is just being lazy.
Wtfamidoingitw1
NTA. “I’m the prize.” Girl, please. You need to have a serious talk with her and reevaluate your relationship because this ain’t it, my man. This kind of a situation will only breed resentment for you and entitlement and laziness for her.
FrFranciumFr
NTA. You should have asked how is she a prize? As a woman, I don't like at all when women refer to themselves as prize and trophy. It annoys me greatly! In this particular situation, she is not bringing anything to the relationship, and she is taking a lot. Not only NTA, but also, I think you should put an end to this situation.
bugabooandtwo
NTA - Kick her out. It's not a coincidence she had a "falling out" with her roommate at the same time she lost her job. She has no intention of working or contributing to anything. She's a parasite looking for a host.
rox4540
She’s a hobosexual- that’s what the men who do this are usually called. Someone that leeches off their partner as quickly as possible usually! You really haven’t been together long at all, she’s never going to be better than this - you’ll have to carry her your whole life if you continue this relationship. You should also be really careful she doesn’t get pregnant to continue her grift.
KLmiaHo
NTA. Let's be honest, Jen. After mooching off this guy for months, stop acting like you're some sort of prize. Put down your phone and begin making financial and emotional contributions to the relationship. And perhaps hold off on the fine wine the next time.