Stepmom accused of undermining dad's authority after husband punishes son by withholding his hearing aids. AITA?
"AITA for buying my stepson (15) a set of hearing aids after his dad kept taking his old ones away as punishment?"
Interesting_Most8556
My stepson Cameron (15) suffers from a medical condition that requires him to wear hearing aids. It has become essential for his everyday life, and without them, his activities would be effected. His father would take care of any medical costs related to his condition - and he obviously paid for the hearing aid.
Thing is, His dad has been using the hearing aids as part of punishment whenever Camero does something wrong. Cameron is a good kid, and quite rational compared to other kids his age. But his father has his own rules that his family, excluding me and my daughter, should follow.
So like I said, whenever my husband wants to punish Cameron, he'd take away his hearing aid and hide them for hours (typically 2 to 3 hrs). This would leave Cameron almost helpless and quite upset.
I told my husband to stop doing this and even got into many fights with him over it but he insisted this was the only to get Cameron "to listen" as he put it. This has caused lack of peace in the house and I couldn't just stay away and watch as Cameron struggles.
I had a fight with my husband and told him to stop or I'd handle this matter but he told me to stay out of it and not get involved since this "punishment method" was proven to be "effective".
Recently, Cameron did something that warranted a punishment and my husband took his hearing aids away. I lost it after he refused to give them back. I arranged for Cameron to get a new set of hearing aids.
It cost me quite a lot more money and it took time but it arrived yesterday. I didn't tell my hudband had nk idea til he punished Cameron again yesterday evening by taking away his hearing aids then seeing him wearing the new set I got him.
He looked confused and tried to yell at Cemeron but I told him I bought the aid and he went ballistic saying I shouldn't have disrespected his role as a father and authority figure and went against his will and "wasted money" on new hearing aid.
I told him I had to do this since he refused to stop punishing his son by taking away something that he needs to function. He yelled at me saying I stomped over his rules and that am now "encouraging" Cameron to misbehave.
We yelled at each other and I took my daughter and went to stay with my mom. He's been spam texting me just going on and on about how I stuck my nose into his own parenting and said that he never sticks his nose into mine nor punishment my daughter or get involved in raising her.
I did not reply I tried to contact Cameron but was surprised to find out that his father has severed any means of communication between me and him (Cameron). My family say I overstepped regardless of how bad the situation is, and said that I shouldn't have done this snd could've thought of sime other alternative instead.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
IntroductionNo7686
What your husband is doing is abuse and neglect that I’m sure CPS would be interested in. It’s one thing to take a nonessential item, eg cell phone, but it’s another to take an essential item away. He’s cruel beyond measure. He is isolating his child from the rest of the world by taking away his ability to hear. It’s sick and depraved.
There are numerous scientific articles that discuss the potential medical and emotional issues that can arise from hearing loss, including loss of cognitive function leading to dementia in later life; loss of the brain’s ability to process information and emotional trauma.
You need to report this to CPS and save this child from further abuse and neglect by his dumbass father. Then you need to contact a divorce attorney and get out before he abuses you and your daughter.
OttersNTrvl
I cannot imagine a parent taking away a child's wheelchair, crutches, glasses, prosthetic limb, or medication as punishment.
Turbulent_Ebb5669
Your husband is an idiot. And abusive towards his own son.
CinnamonBlue
The issue isn’t the hearing aids. It’s that your husband is abusive.
Zieglest
NTA but this is not how you handle this. You tell your STB ex husband that taking away a disabled person's aids as punishment is a textbook form of abuse. You tell Cameron too, and the entire family. You leave with your daughter, to protect yourselves from this maniac. You report your ex to child services for abuse.
Staring-At-Trees
NTA. In the UK taking the kid's hearing aids away could be considered child abuse. Have to add, your family say you've overstepped bounds, I disagree, based on what you've written it sounds like they think your husband could do literally anything (violence? Neglect?) and you would still be wrong to challenge or object. Sorry you've not got more support with this, ATB.
Fit_Work4558
Does his mom know what your husband is doing?
maybeCheri
Was wondering this, too. The mother needs to be informed so she can contact her attorney to protect her son.
The OP responded here:
Interesting_Most8556
His mom left years ago with no means of contact. No one's sure about where she went and what happened. Everyone says she just left.
Suitable-Park184
NTA. He’s taking away a medical device as punishment. That’s beyond cruel.
VegetableBusiness897
I stopped reading. Your husband is taking away a necessary medical device, and part of his person.... No different from a prosthetic limb or wheelchair, as punishment?
tiggergirluk76
NTA for buying new hearing aids, but YTA for allowing it to get this far. Your husband is literally abusing his son. He needs these devices to function as a human being.
If he was in a wheelchair and that was removed as punishment, or a kid with false limbs had them removed as punishment, that would rightly be appalling, and this is the exact same thing. It's not like taking a phone/tablet/ console off a kid as punishment. This is a child protection issue.