'AITA for 'pushing' my friend to call off the wedding after he found out his fiancé was cheating on him?'
"AITA for 'pushing' my friend to call off the wedding after he found out his fiancé was cheating on him?"
I still can't believe all this mess because I just shared an opinion and my friend is an adult that, after hearing my opinion, made his own decision, but somehow I'm the bad guy here.
So it all started a few weeks ago when P and I were hanging out at a bar and he confessed to me that he found out his fiancé was cheating on him with texts and photos. He even recorded a call of her bragging about cheating on him. I just told him that, if he wanted, my house was always open for him and nothing else because I always hated drama.
2 weeks passed by and a few days ago he showed up at my house intercom while crying with bags asking me if my "offer is still up?" so I reassured him that it was and that one of the guest rooms was at the third floor and that he could stay for as long as he wanted.
A few more days passed by and finally P isn't always crying and today was playing with my dogs and finally smiling but here comes the "issue". (Even if as I said to me isn't an issue at all.)
While we were eating lunch he asked me what he should do about all this mess because he wasn't sure if give his fiancé another chance or just cancel everything and "eff that hoe".
So I told him that if it was down to me I would cancel everything, block her, her family, her friends and just spend the time thinking at the nexts steps. But as I told him this is what I would do and whatever he decided to do I was supporting him.
He thanked me but then in the evening he decided to call of the wedding. After he finished, I just put a hand on his shoulder and reassured him that actually he was strong and that I was proud of him. So, until now, no problem.
But the real thing comes in the hours after this because obviously the ex fiancé knew about P calling off the wedding and now she, her family and her friends are all blaming because (I will tell the exact words from the texts and voicemails I received.)
"How dare you poison his mind, you did this just because you hate me (I met her maybe 4 times in 3 months but ok...), it wasn't any of your business, you should have stayed out of it" and things goes on and on with each text.
But, as I said, he asked me for an opinion, I gave it to him and he decided to act how he wanted. How the hell am I the bad guy here? Where am I at fault here? So AITA? Should I have stayed out of it or did I do the right thing by being honest?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA "I'm not sure how I'm to blame when she's repeatedly cheated on P and bragged about it." That will shut them up fast. Assuming this is real, which I have my doubts about.
How would they know you’re the one who advised him to call off the wedding? I don’t think this is real.
You just saved your friend from a few years of a miserable marriage and possibly half his assets a Few years down the road when they divorce……NTA.
Be the bad guy. Who cares? You don't even know these people. Send them the pics and voicemail and block the lot of them. You saved him from a life of misery. That's all that matters.
NTA. He asked, you gave your opinion, he made his own decision. Block all those idiots and move on; the opinions of cheaters and those who support them should be as nothing to you.
You did your buddy a solid by telling him what YOU would do in that situation. Going forward, when they call to blame you, take the credit (not the blame). Be proud of what you said & how you influenced your friend, while reminding them that in the end, it was your buddy's decision to dump that hoe.
I suspect that you are the bad guy because your buddy was wavering in his decision, and the ex knew it, and your comments were the thumb on that side of the scale. NTA. Rather, you are the standup guy your buddy needed.
NTA. Classic case of finding everyone and everything to blame... except the cheating fiancee. They may pick apart every aspect of these unfolding events in an effort to deflect and allege somebody else ruined this.
There is only 1 ruiner here. If she had any dignity she would apologize, offer to cover any wedding expenses fiance might be stuck with, and then go crawl back under a rock.
The next best thing she could do is, after breaking all contact with cheating partner, come crawling back to fiance, humble and remorseful and offering to do anything to repair the damage. Maybe even returning the ring in hopes of earning it back.
The worst thing she could do? Blame somebody else for advising their friend "cheating = no wedding". Every negative comment from her and her family can just be responded to with "I'm not the one who cheated on my fiance". (Lather, Rinse, Repeat).
You did a good thing for your friend. He asked for your advice. He made his decision. He probably knew what he wanted/needed to do but wanted someone he trusted to have as a sounding board.
You are not the AH. Remember, when you are the messenger of infidelity, you are also the container for all of the complicated feelings that come out of it, including denial. You did the right thing. It is up to them what they decide to do with it.