'AITA if I call out my brother + SIL after they announced their pregnancy at my wedding?'

"AITA if I say something to my brother + SIL after they announced their pregnancy at our wedding?"

My (31F) brother (35M) and SIL (32F) announced their pregnancy at our wedding, husband (35M). They are a socially aware couple so I'm not sure what was running through their minds but I've hard from 5+ friends that they announced their pregnancy. It started in the morning as my 6 bridesmaids (2 cousins, 3 close friends and SIL) were all getting ready.

My cousins already knew because BRO + SIL planned a dinner the week before our wedding to announce the news to our family. My cousins had mentioned nothing to the rest of the group but my SIL proceeds to announce the news 20 minutes before we were about to leave for the ceremony. I was a little annoyed and my friends aren't close with her so the reactions were a bit flat.

Context is this was their first attempt with IVF and first shot worked. So at this point she's 12 weeks pregnant. Another friend told me that SIL announced it to them 3 minutes after our ceremony. Then later to a group of around 10 people while standing in a circle (yes some mutual friends but not all). Apparently it was said quite loudly as well and others were around who don't know my family super well.

We've been planning our wedding for over a year and I think they're being crazy selfish. I don't know what my brother was thinking because a couple weeks ago he told our mom how he really wants the focus to be on us. Clearly not. Probably SIL orchestrated but he played along for sure. Should I say something casually to them or is it not worth any drama?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

organic_seaweed244 said:

If she'd just been telling people casually as part of a "what's new with you?" answer, then I wouldn't think much of it, but if she was announcing the news to everyone, people she doesn't even know, without context, etc, then I do think it's a bit strange and out of place.

Has SIL ever done anything for you to think she was trying to outshine you? If not, could be that she's just very excited and wanted everyone to know and share her happiness. If you want talk to your brother about it, but I wouldn't start any big drama over it unless it put a wrench in your wedding day.

OP responded:

The part where Bro and SIL said it in a group of 10 additional people was the annoying news to me. I was told it was totally unprompted and they did it not long after taking a group photo. The other person who was told a couple minutes after our ceremony said it was unprompted as well and SIL walked up to him.

Yeah a couple things since we got engaged. Stopped asking us to hangout us 4. Hardly texts or calls me anymore. They got married last October, at my dress try on’s she asked my mom if she feels like crying seeing me in dresses, my mom said it makes her tear up but she hasn’t cried, SIL said really loudly “well you cried seeing me in dresses” and laughed.

Made a big deal at my Bach that she wasn’t drinking and announcing that loudly. Every girl the next day was asking me why she felt the need to announce everything she couldn’t eat and drink, they all became curious that she was pregnant. This is just the half of it.

She loves attention but I didn’t think they would make unprompted announcements to at least 14 people (that I know of for now) at a wedding of 80 people total lol. I know it doesn’t sound like it but I’m very excited for them. I can’t wait for the baby shower and all the amazing things to come for them.

ALSO based on these early comments I get not saying anything. It happened so its done and it is what it is. I didn’t know until now (it’s been 5 days since) so I guess what’s the harm in it. I still think it’s super tacky IMO.

CarrotofInsanity said:

You’re allowing this to ruin your day when you didn’t allow it to ruin your day when you were having it. Please let it fade away.. But also back away from SIL/bro … and privately tell your bro why you are distancing yourself.

“Listen, Bro, I wanted to privately give you a heads up about why I’ll be taking a step back from my friendship with SIL. SIL made many of our wedding guests uncomfortable by announcing her pregnancy randomly — at my wedding— when it’s completely bad form to do that.

I’m sure she knew better, because she didn’t do it in front of me — she snuck around behind my back and did it - because she knew it was wrong. She really hurt my feelings, so I’m going to take a step back from her for a while. I love ❤️ you, and wanted you to know why.” Then do it.

Corodix said:

Considering that you didn't even notice it during your wedding it doesn't sound like they announced it at all but that they just told people during conversations. So since you didn't notice it during the wedding it clearly didn't affect you or your wedding negatively, right? So sounds to me like they didn't do anything that's truly worth bringing up. I think YWBTA if you made drama out of it, just let it be.

And Level_Amphibian_6249 said:

No need to say anything. Just be prepared for the next family event because she will say something that she thinks makes her look better than you. In fact when that happens, be she to tell her that you're not in competition with her, and it's weird that she even thinks that way.

2centsworth4u said:

OP, what kind of relationship does SIL have with her mother/family? She sounds jealous of you… Possibly insecure and trying to ‘one up’ you…even tho you’re not playing the game she’s in…

And OP responded:

She has a great relationship with them, she can’t stand to be disliked by anyone but does make efforts sooo it’s a good thing, I feel like our similar ages and stages of life events is causing some weird behaviours is all. I need to get excited for them again so I’ll take space for a bit and reboot

After reading the comments, she shared this edit to her post:

Thank you all for the sound advice whether agreeing or not, ALL HELPED! General consensus: shut my mouth.

Their pregnancy journey continues and I want to be as supportive and encouraging as possible within what I am emotionally capable of after many petty events not even mentioned here (tiny bit in my response below) and over a year span now. My initial anger has simmered thanks to many opinions but I will take my distance or "protect my peace" because I continue to think it was a tacky move.

The wedding chapter for husband and I is closed and I'm quite relieved tbh, great day, all good things, now moving on!!