'AITA for calling my BF an idiot because he won’t get a colonoscopy even though his mom had colon cancer?'

"AITA for calling my boyfriend an idiot because he won’t get a colonoscopy even though his mom had colon cancer?"

So my boyfriend (33M) has a family history of colorectal cancer. His mom was diagnosed in her early 40s and it was really bad. She survived, but it was a long, awful ordeal. He was old enough to remember it.

Because of that, his doctor told him he should start colonoscopies earlier than most people. He’s technically overdue for his first one. And lately, he’s had some weird stomach problems. I’ve been telling him for a year to get it checked out. He keeps saying things like, “It’s embarrassing,” “I’m too young,” “What if they find something bad?”

Like…yes, that’s the point of the test??

The other night, we got into it because he mentioned again that his stomach has been bothering him. I told him point-blank: “You’re being an idiot. Your mom went through hell with this and you’re ignoring your chance to be healthy.”

I also said that if he won’t take care of himself, I don’t know if I can plan a long-term future with him because I don’t want to lose a partner to something that could have been caught early. He got really upset and accused me of being controlling and dramatic. Now he’s barely speaking to me.

I feel like I was harsh, but honestly? I’m scared. The news has story after story of people passing from this because they ignored it too long. People his age, too. I’d rather him be mad at me than bury him in ten years. AITA for calling him an idiot and making this an ultimatum??

The internet had a lot to say in response.

international-fee-255 wrote:

NTA. There's nothing more stupid than someone putting off a test "in case they find something." That is the point of the test, if there is something to find, it's caught early and treated. I have Crohn's disease. I have regular colonoscopies.

The prep is pretty savage but the sedation means I don't remember them at all. The doctors doing this test LITERALLY studied to deal with "embarrassing" body parts and they will be thrilled to see someone being proactive about their bowel health

FlatWonkyFlea wrote:

There are reasons married men live longer than unmarried men, and one of them is their wives make their medical appointments and force them to go. My mom is the only reason my dad’s cancer was diagnosed and treated early. NTA.

labiadairyjourney wrote:

Honestly you aren't being harsh, he needs to get a grip and have it done, it could save his life. The rhetoric around embarrassment is crazy, we are all humans, we all poop, we all have bums but yet it can be so hard for people to seek help. Maybe ask him what it is in particular that makes me feel like this embarrassing.

And the end of the day he needs to take accountability and ultimately won't do it unless he decides he will. I'd sit him down and say how I can support you so you can seek the help you need. Point blank I'd say if you don't seek the help, you can't complain about the stomach problems.

But maybe I am harsh 😬 He is being an idiot and he needs to realise the consequences are on his life and no one else's and in reality, if it ends up being something bad, the decision to delay diagnosis sits with him at this stage.

Would he rather be embarrassed and alive or if its serious he may not get that luxury. This is all my thinking out loud, but a gentle how I can support you approach would be best considering he doesn't take the harsher tone positively.

TheAngerMonkey wrote:

As someone who was at normal risk and almost put off her first colonoscopy at 45, only for them to find an asymptomatic polyp the size of a GOLF BALL: NTA, and not overdramatic. Screening age USED to be 50, and while colon colorectal cancers are generally slow growing, I would have been in serious trouble if I'd waited even a year.

Early CRC is easy to treat. Late is terrible. He's playing with fire and being a child. "What if they find something??" My guy, the "something" is already there, growing, and NOT knowing it's there doesn't make it magically disappear.

KirasStar wrote:

NTA, my best friends husband just got diagnosed with Colorectal cancer last week and he is in his 30s. His first symptom was sudden onset of IBS-like issues.

He didn’t go to the doctors until his second symptom started a couple months later (blood in poop), and it’s possible that it’s already too late for him. It is so so important to catch these things early and you can’t just stick your head in the sand and hope it will go away.

cheap-awareness-5522 wrote:

As someone who lost her father to colon cancer at 48, and who had her first colonoscopy at 35, NTA, especially not if he's having concerning symptoms. He needs to at least speak to his doctor about his current issues and see what they recommend.

Is it scary? Absolutely. Having c**cer and not knowing it until your colon perforates and you end up bleeding out on your bathroom floor is scarier though. I'd tell him to ask my dad but well...

theDrunkScientist wrote:

"I also said that if he won’t take care of himself, I don’t know if I can plan a long-term future with him because I don’t want to lose a partner to something that could have been caught early."

This is what a boundary is, folks. Please take notes.

NTA. You were harsh, yes. But justifiably so.