'AITA for calling for help during friend's mental health crisis?'

"AITA for calling for help during friend's mental health crisis?"

I met a guy we will call Z through an app. We had mutuals so I felt it was safe to meet. To my surprise, we found ourselves chatting every day and hanging out a lot rather quickly. After some time, he mentioned he was still friends with his ex due to sharing a dog.

When we would hang, he would be extremely depressed and volatile toward me out of nowhere, then apologize later saying he was in a mood due to his ex.

He then revealed that post-breakup, she forced him to have an agreement with him that they had to see each other every Sunday and whenever she wanted during the week as well to go surf, hang out with their friend group, etc. I told him this wasn't healthy and tried to back out at this point because he was still heavily intertwined with her and taking out all of his anger toward her out on me.

He wouldn't let me go and begged to still be friends and talk every day. I am a hardcore empath, so I stuck around and tried to support him. Fast forward a couple of months and Z's drama persisted. He mentioned someone was messaging him info about this ex. I told him to ignore them and that it didn't matter, since she was an ex. I could see his mental health very quickly declining and his rage became worse.

It was very confusing because one day he would say sorry and that he wanted to hang out and the next day he would be telling me to F off and leave him alone. I didn't know which version I would get, so after spending a good amount of quality time with Z, I told him I wanted to take a couple of weeks away from him because I couldn't handle the anger and rollercoaster.

A few days later, he had a severely dark mental health crisis. With advice from friends, we opted for a welfare check before making any calls to emergency services. This welfare check involved HIM calling authorities, who ended up sending emergency services his way, due to all of the details given. He is now saying I am the absolute worst person to come into his life because of this.

He has even gone as far as telling strangers that I am a stalker and made up some very shocking claims about me after I tried to help. Did I do the wrong thing? Am I the actual asshole? This makes me scared to not trust my judgement about when to help people or not. I don't know why he is suddenly calling me a stalker either, as we had a very mutual friendship and I tried to support him through all of his issues.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Frosty-Succotash931 wrote:

NTA. These checks can do more harm than good, though, so it’s incredibly important to be certain of the need. Involuntary psychiatric actions and holds can be financially devastating for the individual as they come with costs that exceed $20k in many instances. It also limits their employability for many career paths and it’s lifelong.

At 18 yo, my buddy had a bad breakup with his HS sweetheart and acted out inappropriately. His ex still cared for him and called the police out of worry to check in on him. He was drunk and upset, and unfortunately, like any teenager was dramatic enough for them to place him into an involuntary hold.

A couple of cops decided for him that he would never become a pilot, work in public safety, federal contracting, or a myriad of other jobs that are allowed to legally access this health data to determine employment eligibility.

OP responded:

Thanks for your comment. Totally agree with this! I have a lot of friends in aviation and know how that can be, which is why I did not call authorities. Z did because he was lashing out and wanting to retaliate against me for me doing a welfare check. However, they looked at the messages and concluded he actually did need the welfare check for his mental health.

Not sure if this detail matters, but Z is a 35-year-old male, who does Sales. The result of this was that they gave him referrals to mental health resources for help. Nothing more.

But he is still retaliating regardless. :(

Wolfe244 wrote:

This is just someone you need to completely detach from and never interact with again.

lwebb5520 wrote:

It sounds like he may be embarrassed and trying to save face.

Not everyone is open about their mental health, though there is nothing to be ashamed about. We all go through rough patches.

He should be happy he had a friend who was looking out for him and willing to step up when he needed help. I'm sorry he's passing out, but it's probably time to step away for your own well-being.

NTA.

due-juggernaut6595 wrote:

Not the AH. Not even a little. But, you did what you could, for your best interests, maybe move on.

elessar007 wrote:

NTA You acted appropriately with good intention. Hopefully your friend will be this when clarity is re-established. If you feel you need break, take it and see where you are after a few weeks. Reasses from there.

OP responded:

Thanks for this. Unfortunately, it is no longer a break and is permanent. He told police and paramedics that I broke into his home and that he was fine, but I showed them evidence that it truly was a welfare check. I was in shock that I had to even do this and that someone who I thought needed support and care would try and change the narrative to make me look like I lost the plot.

The police obviously don't believe him, but I am in shock he did that because I thought we were genuinely friends, despite his rollercoaster of emotions. I posted this because I have been feeling really horrible about helping and supporting and not sure if I made the right choice. It was such a strange thing to experience and now his goal is to make me the enemy.