'AITA for calling my friend’s emergency contact when she left her kid with me 'for 20 minutes' and vanished?'
"AITA for calling my friend’s emergency contact when she left her kid with me 'for 20 minutes' and vanished?"
My friend "Kayla" (29F) asked if I could watch her 6 year old son for "like 20 minutes" while she ran into a store near my place. I said yes because I've known her for years and I’ve watched him before, he’s a good kid.
She showed up, dropped him off with his tablet and a snack, and said she’d be right back. About 40 minutes later, I texted her a simple "hey everything ok?"
No reply.
An hour passes, I call. Straight to voicemail. I start getting that hot panic feeling because I’m not his parent and I don't know what’s going on. Her son starts asking when mom is coming back and I’m trying to keep it light, like "soon bud" while I’m also refreshing my phone like a maniac.
I texted again, then again. Still nothing. At the 2 hour mark, I'm honestly scared something happened, but I'm also pissed because this is not "20 minutes" anymore. I also had plans later and I’d basically been volunteered into childcare with no end time.
I finally looked at the little info card she once left in her bag (emergency contact and pediatrician, stuff like that) and called the emergency contact, her older sister. I didn't call to get her in trouble, I called because I didn't know if Kayla was in a car accident or had passed out or what.
Her sister answered immediately and sounded confused, then went quiet and said, "Wait she told you twenty minutes?" Apparently Kayla had texted her earlier that she was "going to look at a car" with a guy she’s been seeing and "might be out a while."
So she used me as a free babysitter so she could go do this, and just chose not to tell me. Her sister drove over and picked the kid up, and she was polite but I could tell she was annoyed too.
About 30 minutes after that, Kayla finally calls me furious, saying I embarrassed her and made her look like a bad mom. She said her phone died and she "lost track of time."
I asked why she didn't plug it in, or why she didn't just say she needed a couple hours. She said because I would’ve said no, and she "really needed this." She also said I had no right to involve her family, and now her sister is "judging" her.
I told her I’m not a drop off zone and I’m not comfortable being lied to about someone’s kid. She’s telling mutual friends I overreacted and that I’m dramatic for calling her sister instead of just waiting. AITA for calling the emergency contact when she disappeared?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA... I am willing to bet that the friend asked her sister and sister knew she was up to a BS and told her no so she pivoted to you and lied to you. No wonder why she was confused at first when you called.
NTA. Don't want to be embarrassed for abandoning your kid, don't abandon your kid. She's lucky you didn't call the cops and report him abandoned.
If she looked like a bad mom it’s because she was being a bad mom. NTA.
NTA. she didn’t lose track of time, she lied so she could use you, and she's mad and got caught being shady mom.
NTA She's not mad you called her sister. She's mad her lie didn't work and she can't use you as an on-call, no-questions-asked babysitter anymore. You handled a scary, irresponsible situation perfectly.
Absolutely not the jerk, and honestly this is parenting negligence on her part, not drama on yours. She didn’t lose track of time, she deliberately lied because she knew you wouldn’t agree to babysit for hours.
Once a parent becomes unreachable for that long, especially after promising a short window, it becomes an emergency situation by definition. You did exactly what any responsible adult should do when left alone with someone else’s child and no way to contact the parent.
The fact that her sister immediately understood the problem tells you everything you need to know. If Kayla feels embarrassed, that’s because her behavior was embarrassing. She should be thanking you for making sure her kid was safe instead of attacking you for not enabling her lies.
People who are saying you should’ve just waited are ignoring the massive liability you were put under. If something had happened to that child while she was unreachable, guess who would’ve been stuck holding the bag? You didn’t agree to open ended childcare, and consent matters even when it comes to babysitting.
Calling the emergency contact was the correct and responsible step once multiple attempts to reach her failed. The sister wasn’t judging her because of you she was judging her because Kayla made a reckless choice as a parent. Also, the my phone died excuse doesn’t fly when you’re knowingly leaving your kid with someone and disappearing for hours. This is 100% on Kayla.
NTA. Bet a dollar your friend asked her sister first who said no. Before saying “yes” to anything, it’s ok to ask specifically why a sitter is needed & what the parent is doing. If the parent is vague, don’t babysit. For emergencies, you need to know specifically where the parent is, how to contact them & how long they are actually going to be.
NTA. Any sane individual would've done the same. Honestly, you gave her more time than I would have. After an hour I'm calling emergency contact. If they didn't answer, my next step would be the authorities. As a parent myself, there's no way I'd even think of pulling a stunt like this with my children.
You cannot just leave your child with people without full communication of time/needs and their consent to watch them for those parameters. Literally every single time you leave your kid with someone, that should all be laid out.
Telling someone you'll be back by a certain time to pick them up, and then ghosting them and not contacting for 2+ hours past that time is legitimate abandonment and she could be criminally charged.