AITA for calling my mom an idiot after she ignored my advice about co-signing a loan?
AITA for calling my mom an idiot after she ignored my advice about co-signing a loan?
Back in 2022 my uncle, who was 36 at the time, asked my mom, who was 50, to co-sign a loan for a truck. My mom agreed because he told her he was going to use it for his business as a subcontractor. I overheard my mom discussing this with my dad, who was 49 when he passed away. My dad said it was not a good idea, but my mom always made the final decision. He gave up and did not argue.
I joined in and told her there was a good reason why the bank did not want to give him a loan on that truck and that she shouldn’t be risking her nearly perfect credit score. My mom argued that he was using it to start his business and already had multiple contracts lined up, which she claimed to have seen.
I told her he did not need a brand new F-250 Lariat Super Crew, that there were plenty of reasonably priced used F-250 XLs at half the cost. She replied that I did not know what I was talking about, that he was in construction and knew the truck he needed, and that I was just a kid with no life experience. She told me to leave her alone because I was annoying.
At the time I was 23 and also working in the trades. Framers don’t need a super duty truck, let alone a luxury trim. I tried convincing her, but she gave me the silent treatment and acted like I was being manipulative. I did some side work at his site, repairing his GC’s semi truck, literally every material is hauled through other subs or by the GC himself.
He could have gotten a cheap 1/2 truck and it would be more than enough. Now I am 26. My dad died two years ago, and my mom only has one income and still has $300,000 on the mortgage. She is already struggling financially. She called me last week and asked me to help manage her finances.
She showed me a letter from the bank stating that they will repossess my uncle’s truck unless the balance is paid. It turns out my uncle does not know how to manage a business. He has not had a single contract in months and is terrible with money. He used to gamble away his entire paychecks and spend on designer clothes. None of this surprised me.
I told my mom there was nothing I could do. I reminded her that I begged her not to go through with this more than three years ago, and she ignored me because I was “just a kid.” I told her I was not going to waste my time helping idiots who don’t want to be helped, and I am sorry. So AITA for how I responded?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Internally-candid wrote:
NTA - play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She took the risk and didn’t listen to the advice of her two closest family members, everything went poorly and now she’s wanting to listen. She should go to a financial advisor, at least she might listen to them first time round.
OP responded:
I think she was trying to get me to move back and pay her rent so she can cover his payments rather than listen to my advice. Lol, not gonna do it.
No-Sea1173 wrote:
Your mum was very foolish. You're being an AH to kick her while she's struggling. You could have told her to let the uncle's truck be repossessed then help her with the rest. ETA - OP is NTA for choosing not to give his mother any money. I interpreted his mother's request for help managing her money as a request for advice, not for money.
OP responded:
I doubt she’ll listen to me, she asks me for advice and never follows through with it. Idk why, that’s just my mom. And I’m certainly not going to risk my financial security to subsidize her mistakes. I’ve my own family now.
cassowary32 wrote:
Ouch. Does your mom need her credit score for anything? Did your dad have life insurance? Or retirement account? The villain here is your uncle and your mom hopefully learned a very important lesson. You and your dad were right, but I can’t support talking to your mom like that (that’s what the internet is for, scream into void but treat your widowed mom with some dignity). ESH.
The banks knew your uncle couldn’t service that loan so they needed a sucker on the hook for it. Hopefully she doesn’t do anything dumb like take out a HELOC or take proceeds from selling the house to pay for the truck. You don’t have to give her any money, just stop her from doing anything that will make things worse for her (if she’ll listen to you).
OP responded:
She got about $200,000 life insurance check through my dad’s employer, I gave her my share of $25,000 so she can pay off her car loan. She still has $60,000, but that’s it. Fortunately she works for the province and has a pension.
OrganicFeedback4451 wrote:
NTA. Love how folks are having you be responsible for finding a financial advisor, FAs help those with assets make money on those assets. That isn’t your mom. She needs a debt adviser or program. Your mom ignored your and her husband’s advice. She belittled you and gave you the silent treatment, so yes you’re angry and resentful.
You are both grieving your dad. She needs to see if she can sell that truck, and work with the Bank. She needs to see if she can keep the house, get roommates, etc. You don’t have power of attorney and are building your own life. Sometimes being gentle with your words just isn’t possible.
squirrelfoot wrote:
Your mother is not the only idiot in this story. Your mother is in a financial mess, and that's partly because she and your dad didn't get proper insurance on the house to cover the survivor in case of death. Also, why didn't your parents have life insurance policies? Your father was also an idiot. Having cosigned for that stupid loan is only part of her problem.
She needs to downsize her house and let the bank go ahead and repossess the truck. You could sit down and talk her through this. Perhaps you aren't a complete AH here, but be a bit nicer to your mother!