'AITA for calling my wife entitled and not standing up for her when my mom's boyfriend yelled at her?'
"AITA for calling my wife entitled and not standing up for her when my mom's boyfriend yelled at her?"
My wife and I are going through a rough patch right now. We recently ended up in a financial predicament and could no longer afford our apartment. My mom opened her home to us. It's been tough but my mom has been great, helping with childcare, and never making us feel bad.
The issue is my mom's boyfriend "Brian" My mom goes out about once a week with a friend and he has been having people over. He has a very good friend "Christine" who seems like a nice enough person but she puts everything in her mouth. i am not exaggerating when I say EVERYTHING.
She was over for Thanksgiving and I ran to the liquor store with Brian and when we came back my mom was annoyed because Christine bent down and put her mouth directly on her pie. Her expensive Canada Goose jacket has actual teeth prints on it from this woman. I'd call it compulsive.
My wife "Rachel" thinks it's gross because obviously it is and because we have a young child. She is kind of a hypochondriac and is constantly terrified of our son getting sick.
Rachel recently asked my mom to ban Christine from the house while we are living there. My mom said she can't ban his best friend. Rachel pointed out that my mom owns the house, not Brian. My mom said that's controlling and weird.
Well, last night my mom went to her friend's house and Brian had people over, two guys and Christine. Rachel asked him not to invite her as our son has a cold and she doesn't want him to get any sicker.
He said he would "talk to her" which he has already tried. Rachel got annoyed and said he is stupid and childish and it isn't his house. She called him a "loser who mooches off his girlfriend."
Brian laughed and said maybe she should shut her "stupid mouth" as he pays for almost everything and it was my mom's choice for him to move in with her vs the other way. He called her entitled and said he can have anyone he likes over in the house he pays for.
Rachel was close to tears and asked why I didn't defend her. I told her the truth, that their financial arrangements are none of her business and she was being entitled. She accused me of not caring about our son's health and of being afraid of Brian. Now she wants me to talk to my mom but the truth is I don't want to.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I ... what?
I'm going to go with ESH except for your son who is too little and your mom who wasn't around.
Brian was nasty to your wife. Your wife was even nastier to Brian in a home that she is a guest in. You are letting your wife walk all over you. And Christine PUTS EVERYTHING IN HER MOUTH wow.
Is it nasty to point out when someone is being a hypocrite? Brian didn't say anything that didn't need to be said.
There is a grown person going around putting everything in their mouth, that’s what needs to be said.
Christine is an unhinged lunatic and you shouldn't want her around your child either.
Yeah, but OP's wife saying the house doesn't belong to Brian... when it doesn't belong to her either...like the wife of the owner's son is always going to be lower in the pecking order than the person sleeping in the owner's bed. Especially if he is actually funding the expenses and maintenance of the house.
OP's wife needs to get her thoughts under control before they get kicked out. If she doesn't like Christine she can keep her son in their own room while Christine is over. Their son is already sick, he shouldn't be out where there is company anyway.
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She’s your wife. “Rough patch” or not. Don’t let other people talk to her like that, or just admit you don’t care how people talk to her. And it IS a health risk to your child if this woman puts her mouth on everything. You probably should have backed her up, at least—that’s not hypochondria, that’s valid.
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Your wife is living somewhere for free. She can voice her opinions, and it’s not unreasonable to ask etc, but ultimately, if she wants different living conditions, she should find somewhere else to live. Calling someone stupid who is letting you live there for free is…well, stupid.
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Your mom’s boyfriend has a friend that compulsively puts her mouth on everything; that should probably bother him more than it does. It’s also pretty reasonable to say you’re uncomfortable being around someone who does that. If he’s talking to her and the behavior isn’t changing, I’m not sure why he’s cool with it.
Why is Christine putting everything in her mouth?? Why is she biting on coats?
Glittering-Sell7037 (OP)
I have no idea. Brian makes jokes and calls it an oral fixation. His mom wouldn't let them hang out in middle school because she thought it was some Freud nonsense. She seems like she has a little anxiety but I honestly don't know. She doesn't even seem aware.
ESH. Your wife has a lot of mouth for someone living in someone else's house. Your mom isn't putting the fear of god into Christine about mouthing everything. And like. WHY. SOMEONE, an ADULT, chewed on my JACKET, and it'd be the LAST thing they did in my house.
Christine...needs to go back to kindergarten and learn that we do not touch what isn't ours. Your mom's bf needs to try harder to rein in his friend, or not invite her over until she can control herself.
You need to get on the same page as your wife about health precautions about your child. Yes, even if that means standing up for her when she mouths off to your mom. Either you have the same rules, and each others' backs, or your marriage is going to be shorter than you think. Not a single functioning grownup among you all. Your child behaved better.