'AITA for calling off my birthday weekend trip because I don't want my stepsister there?'
"AITA for calling off my birthday weekend trip because I don't want my stepsister there?"
My mom married her husband Karl 4 years ago. Karl's daughter Megan (15f) came with him. She spends 50% of her time with us and the other 50% of the time she's with her mom.
My dad died 9 years ago so I live with my mom and Karl all the time. I (16m, but almost 17m) don't like Megan. When we first met she was okay when I saw her for like an hour but after we saw them more it was more unbearable.
She was always trying to switch over games I was playing and she was throwing my games if she thought they looked boring or too boyish. One time she pulled out the plug for the TV and my PS2 (my dad's old console that's now mine) while I was playing.
The other thing was mom would give me money and tell me to take her to the store and grab snacks together. She'd insist on getting all the stuff she liked and she even tried to take the money out of my hands or snatch the stuff out of the cashiers hands when it was something I liked but she didn't.
Then she'd ask me why I didn't like her on the walk home and act like I was denying her getting anything she liked. When we all moved in together she kept trying to come into my room whenever she wanted to and would stop me from closing the door.
One time I had to physically drag her out of my room and then she wanted to steal one of my games so I locked up all that stuff so she couldn't get to them. My mom bought me a lock for my closet and my bedroom door for extra security.
Once those went up she invited her friends over and they tried to break into my room and my closet. She used to take food off my plate but when I started refusing to eat at the table Karl put a stop to it. Then she'd make a big deal out of it when I didn't sit next to her.
When mom and Karl went on honeymoon Megan was with her mom and I was with my paternal grandparents. She whined for months that I'd done fun stuff that week I stayed with my grandparents. To the point that she would call and text me to whine about it when she was at her mom's house and then got me into trouble because I blocked her.
She's still really bad about coming into my room without asking, taking my stuff and breaking it or not bringing it back. She's weird around my friends and tries to flirt with them.
A few of them she tried to kiss. Then she tried to make me date her best friend and called me gay slurs when I wouldn't. Then when she found out I was gay and didn't tell her she had a meltdown and called herself my sister and said I'm meant to tell her that stuff.
My mom asked me why I had ignored her when she was doing that and I told her all I had to say to Megan was she isn't my sister and I didn't think her or Karl would like that.
She ruined my favorite hoodie by giving it to her best friend and then she kept pressuring me to let her off the hook because my mom demanded Karl make her work to pay for it.
And whenever we're left on our own she takes the money mom and Karl leave us and she orders food for her and basically tells me to suck it up even though the money is left for us both.
My mom and Karl know all this. My mom and I have talked about my feelings on Megan. But she still told me Megan had to come to my birthday weekend at a cabin with my friends and her and Karl supervising.
She made me wait for the weekend after my birthday instead of the weekend of my birthday because Megan will be with her mom on my actual birthday and that weekend. She told me Megan is still my sister, which I argued with, and that I shouldn't exclude her from something like that.
So I told mom to call the whole thing off and I told my friends there was a big change of plans and there's no cabin and we'll do something else. My mom told me not to throw a temper tantrum and to think about Megan's feelings knowing I called it off because she was supposed to come. I told her I really don't care and I don't want Megan there and it will ruin the weekend if she is. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Nope, not the AH at all. Your mom keeps ignoring years of clear boundaries and lets Megan treat you like crap. This was your birthday, your friends, your time, and she tried to shove her in anyway. You were right to cancel it. You don't owe Megan anything just because your mom married her dad.
NTA , sounds like you've got quite a lot on your shoulders. Maybe you could try asking your grandma to speak to your mother about the Megan issue cause she is doing to you is considered bullying and there is no way you can be comfortable taking your bully to your birthday weekend trip . it's obviously not gonna be enjoyable for yourself.
SweetKailone (OP)
My mom doesn't listen to others about this. She'll only get more stubborn, not less, if I have a grandparent or family member talk to her.
NTA. Your birthday weekend isn't a community service project for your stepsister. Sounds like you’ve put up with enough of her nonsense; it's your turn to enjoy without interruptions. Your feelings matter, too.
NTA. Wow, your mom sucks. This isn’t a family vacation, it’s your birthday and your mom and step-father have already shown that they cannot control Megan and her wildly inappropriate behavior. Start celebrating your birthday with your friends.
NTA. I see this in two perspectives: First, Megan sounds like an unbridled nightmare. She sounds like a horrible step-sibling to have. That said, I’m a step parent too, so I understand your mom trying to keep the peace in the house and make everyone come together.
However, at the end of the day if she’s going to allow Megan to come, then she needs to talk with Karl about the expected behavior from Megan. She needs to tell Karl that Megan can come, but as soon as she starts becoming an issue, he’s going to have to take her back home. This is your birthday, not hers. If she can’t conduct herself properly, then she cannot be there.
SweetKailone (OP)
Sooner or later my mom will realize it's too late. But that's probably another year away when I leave for college. Then she won't be able to force Megan into my life anymore. I know that'll hurt my mom but I'd prefer to not celebrate my birthday than include someone who is exhausting and annoying to be around. My friends are all super uncomfortable around her too.
NTA, but I do have a solution to your problems. Ask your grandparents if they’d be willing to host you and your friends for a party. It sounds like they respect your boundaries more than your mother ever has.