I'm going through a really bad time in my life right now and I want to know if I'm making a mistake by pulling the plug on my relationship. I am 25F and my fiancé is 28M. We were planning to get married in September.
However, I noticed that he was acting different around my best friend. He was a bit nervous and shy around her and he kept looking at her and for her. He would also randomly bring her up in conversation.
After too many signs that there was something off, I grilled him about it and he admitted that he had a small crush on my best friend. I asked why and he said she was fun and adventurous and pretty. He loved me and just waited for the crush to go away.
It crushed me. In high school I had a huge crush on this guy (before I met my fiancé) and I had the crush for 3 years and I would tell my best friend everything. She ended up hooking up with him and keeping it a secret from me.
She said it was a mistake but to keep it a secret she told our friends that I was a crazy jealous person so they wouldn't tell me. As a result a lot of people distanced themselves from me.
The end of senior years she said she was going through a rough time before and thought I wasn't being a good friend so she decided to be that kind of friend to me. We both apologized and we made up.
I don't feel ready to get married with what he confessed and my best friend's past. But I am going to waste a lot of money if I cancel the wedding. I've told my fiance I need space. He's been blowing up my phone begging me not to leave him.
He told my best friend who also said that he loved me, and I was making a mistake by getting cold feet but I don't think he had told her about the crush or why I was thinking of calling it off. AITA for calling the wedding off?
Idonotgiveacrap said:
NTA...and why did you keep this "best friend?" She's obviously NOT a friend if you can't trust her.
slitherwither6969 said:
NTA. He straight up told you he had a crush on your best friend, you saved everyone’s time and saved yourself from more heartbreak down the line if you went through with the wedding. Imagine saying, “I do” and going through your vows fully knowing your fiancé is falling for someone else. Tough situation but you did the right thing in my opinion.
OkManufacturer767 said:
DO NOT make this decision on the money. The cost of a few deposits is a lot, sure, but not as much as marrying a guy you don't trust and getting divorced later. Do you trust him? NTA.
[deleted] said:
NTA - You would be an idiot not to call off the wedding.
rmh0429 said:
NTA. You probably shouldn’t get married to this man and shouldn’t be friends with your “best friend.” Though, given the history, be prepared for them to become a couple once you break it off…Best of luck to you. You deserve so much more.
Imaginary_Poetry_233 said:
NTA, and whatever it costs to call the wedding off, it's cheaper than divorce. Crush is a cute word, but what it means is that he has feelings for her. I bet they are stronger than the feelings he has for you. She make him light up and his heart go pitter patter. I am not trying to be mean, but these feelings aren't just going to go away. He'll be thinking of her when he is with you. You deserve better than this.
No_Ninja5808 said:
NTA. No one should have to deal with this down the line. That crush will eventually end in cheating.