'AITA for calling off my wedding after finding out my fiancé never had the money he promised to contribute?' + UPDATE
"AITA for calling off my wedding after finding out my fiancé never had the money he promised to contribute?"
I (33F) have been with my partner (32M) for 5 years. He proposed in March 2024 and we agreed to get married in December 2025. He promised to cover 70% of the wedding costs and said he’d transfer money to my account whenever I paid for something. I ended up handling all the planning and bookings.
By April this year, I had already paid around 500k (local currency). But when I checked, he hadn’t sent me a single cent. I kept reminding him, and he always said, “Yes, baby, after work.” I work in an accounting firm with over 40 clients, so I’m insanely busy and didn’t have time to double-check every day. But I trusted him.
When we finally sat down to talk about it, I found out he didn’t actually have the money. He planned to ask his parents or use future income, meaning he had been lying about having savings.
All this time, he bragged about being financially stable and successful (he’s a lawyer), but apparently, it was all talk. I understand that people can go through tough financial times, but lying about it and letting me carry all the burden?
That felt like a betrayal. I decided to call off the wedding and the relationship. Now he’s throwing the wedding expenses in my face, even though I did all the work. My parents think I should go through with it since the engagement has already been announced to family.
AITA for calling it off? I feel heartbroken, used, and honestly, fooled.
And seriously, if you can’t afford to get married, why propose in the first place?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s initial post:
You didn’t call off a wedding, you canceled a subscription to nonsense. Good for you!
Calm_Ad6711 (OP)
Thanks! That honestly made me laugh. I needed to hear that. 😂
NTA, but to be clear, this is about the lying and betrayal, not necessarily about the money.
Calm_Ad6711 (OP)
Yeah :3 It’s the dishonesty that broke me, not just the lack of money. If he had been upfront, things might’ve been different...
"Because you already announced it" is among the worst reasons to go through with a marriage...
Eight days later, the OP returned with an update.
Hi everyone, thank you so much for the support. I didn’t expect my post to get much attention, but reading your responses helped me feel less alone and more validated in what I was feeling.
It’s been a week since I called everything off. He’s been texting and calling nonstop, flip-flopping between apologizing and guilt-tripping me. At one point he said, “We can still fix this, it’s just money.”
But it was never just about the money. It was the lying, the manipulation, the months of pretending to be someone he wasn’t, and letting me drown financially and emotionally while he played the role of the dependable fiancé. I’m staying with a close friend for now while I sort things out. I’ve cried more than I thought possible, but each day I feel a little lighter. The fog is lifting.
His family finally reached out, trying to “mediate.” His mom even asked if we could “just scale down the wedding instead of canceling it.” I told them very calmly that there is no wedding to scale down. I’m done. And I mean it.
I’ve also started looking through everything I paid for, checking which vendors I can cancel or get partial refunds from. It sucks, ngl, but I’d rather lose money than lose myself in a marriage built on lies.
My parents are slowly coming around. My dad said something last night that really hit me “It’s better to disappoint people for a moment than to disappoint yourself for a lifetime.” 🥹🥹 I don’t know what comes next. But I know what I left behind, and I know it was the right thing to do. Thank you so much again 🙏 you really helped me a looot ❤️
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s update:
NTA. It's crazy, you're righting a wrong that could've defined your future, not just some minor hiccup.
I'm glad your dad is in your corner and he is exactly right. I hope you'll be able to cut your losses as much as possible and get most of your money back.
You walked away not just from a wedding, but from a future where you would’ve been the only one showing up, financially and emotionally. That’s not a partnership that’s a slow erasure of your peace, your dignity, and your sense of self. And you said no to that. Loudly. Clearly. Without apology.
NTA. One of the biggest contributors to divorce, all over the world, is finances. If you and your partner can't have an open and honest conversation about money, then you can't have an open and honest relationship. Good on you OP for having a backbone.
I'm not a fan of the instant nuking of a relationship whether it be going NC with a sibling/parent/child or breaking up with a SO but I think you nailed this. It's not about the money so much as the lies about the money.
You're not breaking up with him because he's broke, it's because he lied about being broke. If he'll lie to you about that, what else is he lying to you about? "Oh, I'm not cheating on you, honey. I don't have a gambling problem, dear. I'm not an alcoholic, sweetie."
A lie this big this early is a major red flag and you did a good job believing it. This relationship likely would never get any better than this and that's not a good place to start a marriage.
The fact that his parents were still downplaying everything gives you an insight into why this man lacks the capacity to be accountable to himself or others. You'd have been living a nightmare with in-laws like that.
I’m proud of you. When I was the one to call off a wedding, I was surprised just how many people congratulated me rather than being disappointed. My divorced coworker said he wished he’d had that strength when he was young.
My mentor told me about how she had done the same before meeting her husband and that it was the best decision she ever made. You did a really hard thing—and this internet stranger is just so proud that you were strong enough to do it. Lying is the one thing I couldn’t abide in my fiancé (and there were many other things I had gotten past).
My parents always drilled into my head that the most important thing about marriage was to choose wisely. Dad was proud that when push came to shove I chose well, even if it was hard.
I’m glad your dad is coming around. He’s probably so proud of you even if he was worried about the social pressure at first. I hope you heal from this and find someone worthy in the future. Someone who is honest and kind.