'AITA for calling off my wedding after finding out my fiancée slept with my dad 4 years ago?'
"AITA for calling off my wedding after finding out my fiancée slept with my dad 4 years ago?"
I (28M) have been with my fiancée (27F) for almost 5 years. We were supposed to get married this fall. Two days ago, I was at my parents’ house helping my dad (55M) set up his new phone, and I ended up transferring a bunch of his old files.
While organizing, I came across an old hidden folder with screenshots of texts between him and my fiancée from around 4 years ago. Turns out, they hooked up multiple times while she and I were already dating.
The messages were explicit. They were talking about how “no one could ever find out” because it would ruin everything. I honestly felt like I was going to throw up. I confronted them both immediately.
My dad just sat there stone-faced and said it was “a mistake that didn’t mean anything.” My fiancée started sobbing and saying she was young and didn’t know what she wanted back then, and that she loves me and wants to spend her life with me.
They both begged me not to tell my mom or my siblings because it would “destroy the family.” I told her the wedding was off and left. Later that night, I told my mom everything. Now my entire family is in chaos. My mom kicked my dad out.
My siblings are telling me I’m an AH for blowing everything up over “something that happened before you guys were even engaged,” and my fiancée is texting me nonstop saying I’m ruining both of our lives over a stupid mistake.
I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Did I really overreact by cancelling the wedding?
AITA for telling my family and blowing everything up?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
A mistake is ordering coke and being given root beer. Cheating on your spouse/ on your boyfriend is not a mistake it’s a choice. They made their choices, you made yours after learning about theirs. NTA.
Yes exactly. It's one thing to get caught in the moment and sleep with someone once. That can be a mistake. To do it repeatedly, to send messages planning hook ups and how to hide it from you, that's not a mistake that's a series of conscious decisions.
The fact is your fiancee is a liar and a cheater. So cancelling the wedding is the only appropriate action.
"my fiancée is texting me nonstop saying I’m ruining both of our lives over a stupid mistake."
No, SHE ruined their lives by sleeping with her boyfriend's dad. And your dad ruined your lives by sleeping with his son's girlfriend. These are the only two people who ruined lives. You're just cleaning up the mess and ensuring you don't waste more of your life on it. NTA.
I don’t believe this. Your siblings are more upset about you ending the relationship with your fiancé than their dad cheating?
NTA, what they did was the ticking time bomb.
NTA. You know it already. NTA. They knew "it would ruin everything" If someone found out. Now, it was You that found out. Not on purpose - it could have been Your Mother, a sibling etc etc.
Bu You get the anger, because now, they all have to ACT on it. They rather wouldn't have known. But no one can blame You for calling off the wedding. She cheated with Your father. They are to blame all the way.
NTA. You know that saying, “Don’t kill the messenger,”? Yeah. This is what that exists. You are the messenger, not the offender. THEY did this. And then every single day afterward, they had the opportunity to tell you and chose not to.
So they thought they got away with it, and now they’re upset that their actions have consequences AND some of those consequences are people finding out what they did. And, btw, what they did? SO MUCH WORSE than typical cheating. Your DAD?!? Come ON. Just no. NTA, and I’m so sorry you’re in this position.
Absolutely not the NTA. WTF?! How could anyone blame you for exposing their terrible choices. I would cut out anyone who came at me for that. You are innocent in their sick game. What they did was sickening on a whole other level.
Your siblings suck! Your dad sucks! Block the fiancee. You are young, you will find someone deserving. You and your ma should lean on each other right now.
Place the blame where it belongs...your fiancée and your Dad. The fact that they tried to hide this speaks volumes. Take care of yourself. Personally, I would block some family members and your ex fiancée. Support your Mom. She's going to need you. Good on you for telling her the truth.
Your ex made a deliberate choice to cheat as did your dad. They created this chaos by being crappy people. Both are selfish in what they want. No concern for you, your mom or siblings. Nope for them it was all about you covering for their cheating asses. You did the right thing. So no you’re NTA and nor are you overreacting.
Oh Boy. The gaslighting is so real here. You're obviously NTA. If this would have been BEFORE you two were dating it could have been a different thing. BUT IT WASN'T!!!! You did not ruin anything at all. They did. They just pissed you found out.
This is called devine intervention from the universe. Imagine you would have gotten married and had kids? This would have been an even harder situation. You're still so young and now you know who is really on your side. Don't be afraid to start anew.
NTA. Consider yourself lucky to find out now instead of later. As hurt as you are, your mother is hurt more. Be there for her. Good luck to you and your mom in the future.
Read just the heading first and came straight to the reply section. I’m so sorry this happened. You can’t be the Ahole…thanks for choosing yourself.
You are NTA for any of your actions. Your dad is an AH for cheating on your mother with your then girlfriend. If he wanted to keep the affair secret, he wouldn’t have kept a folder on his phone filled with illicit screenshots. Give your mom a big hug. You both need one.