MOH defends bride’s cheating as 'normal' cold feet; groom calls off wedding. AITA?
"AITA for calling off my wedding after my fiancée almost cheated at her bachelorette party?"
I (28M) was supposed to get married next month to my fiancée (26F). Last weekend was her bachelorette party in Vegas. I stayed local for my bachelor party, just dinner and drinks with the guys.
When she came back Sunday night, something felt off. She was quiet and kept avoiding eye contact. Tuesday evening, she broke down and told me what happened.
On their second night out, she met some guy at a club and ended up going back to his hotel room. She said they didn't have full sex, but they fooled around and she spent the night there.
I was devastated. I asked her how she could do this to us, especially right before our wedding. Her answer made everything worse. She said it wasn't about our relationship or any problems between us.
She just wanted to "feel wild and free one last time" before becoming a wife. She said she needed to know she could still attract other men before "settling down." The way she said "settling down" like our marriage was some kind of prison sentence destroyed me. I told her the wedding was off.
She immediately started sobbing, saying it was just cold feet and that it proved she wanted to be with me because she felt guilty the whole time. She said lots of people get wild at bachelor/bachelorette parties and that I was overreacting.
Her maid of honor has been texting me nonstop, saying I'm being dramatic and that "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." They keep insisting it's normal pre-wedding behavior and that I'm throwing away our future over one night of poor judgment. The deposits are lost and the guests have been notified.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. You deserved much better treatment and deserve a wife that is not going to justify being bored as a reason to seek attention from other men. You did yourself a huge favor by pulling the plug - now move on and live your best life.
Agree. Trust is the foundation. If it’s cracked before the wedding, you’re not wrong for walking away.
She didn’t almost cheat OP she did cheat. She entertained another guy, she went back to his hotel room, and they did do stuff together and she’s trickle truthing I guarantee that they actually did sleep together. She can feel guilty all she wants what she did was still wrong. You have every right to call off the wedding.
She didn’t almost cheat she cheated. You are very lucky you found out she’s a cheating 304 before you married her. Consider the lost deposits an investment in your future. See you at the gym. Make sure you tell everyone and don’t let her control the narrative.
Don’t let them manipulate you to stay in a relationship with her.
Yeah the "proved she wanted to be with me because she felt guilty the whole time" is utter BS. That just proves she knew what she was doing was wrong, and did it anyways. She could have left at any point, but stayed until the next morning. And I don't believe for a second they only slept there.
NTA. She’s not ready for marriage. Fooling around on your bachelorette trip, is not normal behavior.
Your fiancée is disgusting. She sees you as a object honey. Something to settle for. You can never trust her and I assure you she will cheat again. Your NTA. Don't listen to others and listen to your gut feeling. You deserve better than this nonsense. If you stay then you would be an AH to yourself. NTA.
No, you're not the AH. She cheated, tried to justify it, and now people are downplaying it. You have every right to call off the wedding. Respect and trust matter.
NTA. She didn't almost cheat. She fully cheated. Since when is penetration the benchmark. You can cheat without physical contact. Her friend is a huge POS too. You're dodging many bullets here my man.
I hate when people think it’s okay to cheat before marriage like they are not in a relationship. It’s not okay to cheat while dating, engaged or married. Like what she did it alright because you weren’t married yet. Cheating is cheating. You made the right decision. Block everyone and move on with your life. Find someone who is excited to spend the rest of their life with you!
You are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing. Cut your losses now and you will have a shot again at finding someone who respects you and your relationship. Sorry man, take care! It sucks now but be glad you are finding out now. You'll be okay (but definitely dump her).
This is the myth of the stag/hen bachelor/bachelorette parties. They are not the last night of freedom, they are a celebration of a new start. Your 'last night of freedom' was the night before you agreed to be exclusive.
A woman put it beautifully; why would she slather herself in gravy and walk into a lion enclosure? Anyone who screws someone then, will screw someone else after they are married. NTA.
Her friends are horrible and she needs to drop them and find new ones because it sounds like they encouraged this behavior. My friends would never allow me to get caught up in this, and they definitely wouldn’t defend this. Besides that, she needs to build trust before she’s ready to get married. My wife and I would both consider this cheating. Definitely NTA.
NTA. That is not normal behavior. People don’t cheat at their bachelor/bachelorette parties and if they do, they shouldn’t be getting married. She made a decision to flirt with another man to see if he’d find her attractive. When he did, she fooled around but “didn’t” have sex? Not buying it.
If you are insecure enough to need to be able to still attract a man when you are getting married, that’s a problem. She is more concerned with how attractive she is to others than with how her behavior would make you feel. You are lucky she showed you just how self centered she is now.
As you said, to her “settling down” was a bad thing. You’ve been together long enough to get married so it really shouldn’t feel like anything is changing. To her it sounds as though she isn’t ready and was too selfish to say so. I’m sorry she threw your relationship away like that and that she’s told her friends some story to get them on her side about it.