'AITA for calling my older two kids traitors for saying they want to live with their aunt over me?'
"AITA for calling my older two kids traitors for saying they want to live with their aunt over me?"
Throwawaycvwe
I (47F) was married for 21 years with 3 kids ( now 16F, 15M, and 13M) when my husband died from a stroke. My husband was a great man who always tried his best- he always had his heart set on being an entrepreneur, but struggled with making tough business decisions.
Two years before the stroke that killed him, he had had another stroke and that made him prone to impulsive decisions. He hired a friend lousy bookkeeper who gave him further bad advice.
My husband insisted I stop working when our youngest son (13M) was born. Before that, I had worked part time as a receptionist and then helped him with admin tasks, cosigned on business loans I didn't fully understand, was on a business bank account.
I supported him through the lows of when one business failed and then he started another. My youngest son " Marc" is severely autistic. My husband died with a lot of debt and a lot of negligence in terms of bookkeeping and taxes.
I tried parlaying my unique experience being the head admin of a household with an autistic kid to executive assistant roles, or school jobs, but besides a noon aid job the schools were not hiring.
My sister invited us all to stay with her and share household expenses but she told me a few months in that her 11 yo daughter is afraid of my 13 yo and my BIL started claiming my 13 year old's expenses were an excessive burden.
They were saying my 13yo needed to leave, which obviously translated to me having to leave, but I had $120 in my account at the time. They evicted us ( but it's only on my record) 4 months ago and my kids and I had to first live in a car and then a shelter.
My sister then calls my older kids behind my back and tells them that if they continue to keep their room clean as before and pull their weight around the house, they could move back in.
Then her and my kids exchange texts where they complain about how dealing with shelters and motels has affected their brother. My kids then tell me they want to move back to their aunt's house. I tell them she evicted me and by extension all of us, and if she doesn't want me or her brother there, then she doesn't want any of us because we are a unit.
Despite that, they continue to want to live with their aunt. I asked them what kind of mom would I be if I just gave my kids away to somebody else. And I didn't understand why they weren't angrier at their aunt and uncle for saying their younger brother was a burden and how them hurting him hurts me and them too.
I told them if they wanted to go they have arms and legs, but if they are making this decision know that their brother will feel like they are traitors and I feel betrayed too. AITA?
They are still with me and I really as a mom feel it's unthinkable to just be separate from my young kids and still feel that I like to tell them a hard no, that they need to stay with me because we're a family even when times are a bit tough now.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Ambroisie_Cy
This is a long text to let us know that your pride is more important than the security and comfort of your kids. YTA.
CapOk7564
Really just a long winded way to say “i’m selfish and can’t understand why my kids would want a home opposed to living in a car and shelter during some of their most important teenage years in their education” 💀
She’ll be lucky to talk to either of them when they go off to college. Instead she wants to guilt them and make them feel like shit for HER DECISIONS! Everybody’s fault but hers.
CayaKaya
YTA. I know this is going to sound painful:
My bio mom will never be the perfect mom but she realized when she was in a bad way and allowed me to live with my aunt and her family.
You are struggling but you need to understand that this isn't your kids' struggle. I'm sorry your life ended up this way but this is about them. Your kids are self-aware and they want the stability that, sadly, they feel you aren't providing for them.
I've been in this situation and I know it killed my mom to have to hand me over to her sister but it was for the best. Focus on yourself and sort your situation. And for the love of God: don't begrudge your kids for wanting stability.
SpaceJesusIsHere
You actually expect two children to pick homelessness over having a safe stable home? That would be unreasonable on its own, but calling them traitors makes you a clear AH. Don't force your kids into homelessness, that's actually insane.
Instead, be deeply grateful that your bills are reduced by 2 mouths and that those kids are way better off where they are. I'm sorry for thenway your life has gone, but YTA. Don't force these kids to give up a chance at success in life just because you can't offer that to them.
Ok_Aside_6973
YTA, look parenthood is tough and you love all your kids. But as much support as your 13 year old needs, your other kids need stability as well. Sure going behind your back might not have been the best approach.
But your sister is considering your other children and its not fair to disadvantage them just because you want to stay together. Its not easy to let your family be separated but its for your other kids benefit.
You're still their mom and youll still love them but its a sacrifice for their own good until you can get back on your feet and look after all your children. If you try to stop them you'll only foster resentment on their end.