'AITA for calling out a guest who wore white to my friend’s wedding?' 'It was unacceptable.'
"AITA for calling out a guest who wore white to my friend’s wedding?"
This happened a week ago. I (28F) and another girl, M, were invited to my friend’s wedding. We were good friends with the bride in college and stayed in touch afterward. The wedding was amazing. However, there was this one moment I had with another guest that kept me feeling guilty even when I was typing this.
There was a girl who sat at the bride’s family table and wore a bright white dress. I thought it was weird considering guests should not wear white or off-white colors to a wedding.
M had some comments saying that it was unacceptable, rude, and inconsiderate because she’s never been to a wedding where guests wear white and then casually walk around, chat with people, and participate in activities.
I agreed with her because it was unfamiliar to me too. I suggested that we bring it up with the bride when we have a chance. However, we couldn’t get a hold of her alone for the rest of the night as she was busy going around tables and doing activities.
I don’t know if it was my instinct to protect my friend or because of my ego, but I decided to take matters into my own hands and walked up (with M after me) to the girl when she sat down at her table.
I pointed out that she was being rude for wearing white and for following the bride around while showing off her dress to all the guests. M supported me by agreeing and saying the bride must feel extremely bothered that her guest was trying to ruin her special day.
The girl seemed shocked for a bit and said sorry, she didn’t know, and the bride didn’t say anything, so she thought it was okay. I told her that the bride was kind enough to let her stay, cause if I were the bride, she would’ve been kicked out right when she walked through the door in that dress.
M said a few more things then we left. I thought my action was justified and felt kind of proud for sticking up for my friend. For the rest of the night, I sometimes looked over the girl’s table and noticed that she didn’t leave her seat until after the wedding was over, and she left with the bride.
I contacted the bride a few days after the wedding to thank her for the wedding gifts and for inviting me to her wedding. Then I brought up the girl and asked if my friend was bothered by her at all. To my surprise, she didn’t and even felt happy that the girl did.
She clarified that the girl was her niece who flew from another country to attend her wedding and that the dress she was wearing was a gift from my friend herself. The niece even sewed in two swans to symbolize my friend and her husband loving each other eternally.
That’s why she was showing off the dress to all the other guests. My friend also told me that guests not allowed to wear white to a wedding is never a thing where she came from, so people do it all the time.
I just feel so guilty and embarrassed after knowing this, because the girl looked extremely down after my confrontation. I thought I did the right thing but now I just feel like an AH. So…am I the AH?
EDIT:
I get it. I’m TAH. But in my defence, the girl’s dress was very pretty like a fairy gown type of dress with a lot of extravagant details that the bride’s dress didn’t have.
I didn’t know that it was my friend’s gift to her before calling her out. And I get that I’m ignorant culture-wise, and I will try to think better before acting on my thoughts next time. Thank you all for the criticism.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MyTh0ughtsExactly said:
YTA. Even if the bride was bothered by it, you chastising the girl wouldn’t help anyone. Also asking a bride about a perceived faux pas at her wedding is borderline rude anyway.
You should have owned up to your behavior and offered to apologize to her niece. This was completely unnecessary. You should have just gossiped with your friend M and otherwise kept your opinions to yourselves.
jrm1102 said:
YTA - this was absolutely none of your business and you completely over stepped. You did not know this person, know what the bride thought, or were asked to say anything.
CMelody said:
YTA. You really did not need to go all Mean Girls on the other guest. It is just a dress, who cares? Especially these days when the white wedding dress tradition isn’t even adhered to anymore. I’ve seen gold wedding dresses, red, even gothic black. You should apologize to the guest you were rude to.
SeethingHeathen said:
YTA. You weren't sticking up for your friend. You were sticking your nose where it didn't belong,
everexisting said:
YTA and so is M. Even the bride herself was happy about her niece wearing a white dress, so this was completely uncalled for. Since you didn't know what the bride thought about it (even though you tried to talk to her), you two shouldn't have said or done anything at all. Just mind your own business.
RulePotential7920 said:
YTA. If it were your own wedding I might get it, since (assuming you're in the US) it's often expected only the bride should be wearing white. Personal opinions on that aside, I would still understand if you were the bride and felt upset about that.
But you weren't. The bride never expressed having any problem with it, so it was not for you to speak up on her behalf, especially since the niece didn't do anything else that would have made it seem like she was trying to get all the attention on her.
Plus, did you consider the fact that maybe the bride just didn't care, as she told you later on? It was her niece for god sake, and I can't imagine how she felt when you confronted her like that.