'AITA for calling out my husband's little cousin for shaming me over what I wore?'

"AITA For Clapping Back At My Husbands Little Cousin For Shaming Me Over What I Wore?"

I (22F) went on vacation with my husband’s (22M) family for the first time this past month to Florida. His entire extended family was there as well (his aunt, uncle, cousins, along with parents and siblings) so we all shared one big house on the beach. I wore a bikini, as one does while swimming somewhere hot, and none of the other women/girls in the family did.

I will admit that I was kinda uncomfortable at first for whatever reason because, although they are conservative, I knew they wouldn’t judge me. But my husband said “no no seriously no one cares what you wear please just wear the bikinis.” So I did.

On day 2 I noticed his little cousin (16F) kept looking over at me while we were in the pool. I started to feel uncomfortable again since he wasn’t around to hype me up, but I just tried to ignore her and enjoy swimming. After a few minutes I hear her laugh and say to my sister in law “wow. I couldn’t imagine wearing something that showed THAT MUCH of my body like that.”

Husbands sister didn’t really say anything back, but I heard the cousin loud and clear. I looked this girl dead in the eyes and said “wow. I couldn’t imagine judging another woman for what they’re wearing. That’s pathetic”. There was an awkward silence and I was shaking with embarrassment and anger cause I never would standup for myself like that in my teen years, but this is a child I was talking to.

Did I really need to “stand my ground” with her? She got out about 10 mins later and stormed up to the house with her little cousin (my SIL). When my husband came back to the pool he said “why is (cousin) so upset?” And I told him what happened. He said that was childish of her but that I should have just ignored her. Was I the AH? Should I have just walked away?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Doggonana said:

NTA- She felt adult enough to put her two cents in, so she can learn to take the adult consequences she earned. You were very polite, she’s the one who was trying to shame you.

AdvertisingWise50 said:

NTA. Being a minor doesn’t give someone a free pass to be rude, especially when it’s about policing another woman’s body. Your response was firm but not cruel. What is weird is that multiple family members were openly judging you and no adult corrected it. If anything, your husband should have backed you up instead of telling you to swallow it.

llc4269 said:

NTA. She was openly body shaming a grown ass woman to her face. If she’s comfortable saying that about you out loud, imagine what she says to girls her own age who don’t have the confidence or authority to push back.

16 is old enough to know exactly what she was doing, and letting that slide just teaches her that cruelty is acceptable if you disguise it as self-righteous modesty. You didn’t scream, insult her body, or escalate. You called out the behavior. That’s not bullying a child. That’s correcting a mean one. Ignoring it would not have been more mature. It would have been permission.

OP responded:

Thank you! I’m so torn between comments cause I agree that I could have handled it with more grace the way some people are saying, but also I was a doormat for so much of my childhood and teen years that I really try hard to stand for myself in my adulthood.

Could I have been nicer? Yeah. Is she a kid and I’m the adult? Sure. But I know from being in the receiving end of a teen bully that staying quiet just encourages them, it never stops. I’m glad I said something, just maybe could have worded it differently? Idk

OP later shared this update:

Thank you for the responses. I liked hearing different takes (even harsh ones) to give me some perspective.

To clarify a couple things:

1.) The bikini in question was NOT scandalous. It was full chest and butt coverage and only had my stomach, arms, and legs showing. If I wore a crop top and shorts it would have gained the same reaction. I purposefully chose something a little fuller coverage out of respect for his family because I really didn’t need to have my boobs out in front of kids so I absolutely did not, which was my own personal choice.

2.) The “that’s pathetic” was a little too far and too harsh. It WAS ridiculous behavior coming from someone old enough to know better, but I already acknowledged that by saying that I couldn’t imagine judging another woman. I didn’t need to take it that step further.

So short little update is that I talked to my husband about it and explained the whole story again and asked why he thought I should have just ignored her. He said “honestly I just didn’t want tension in the house while we were on vacation, but If there was that would have been her fault, not yours.

I don’t think you did anything wrong by defending yourself, I just wish I was there to say something for you because I feel like I would have been able to handle it in a way that de-escalate her instead of a way that just made her mad”

We had a 30 minute long conversation about this so that was just kind of me trying to sum up what he said throughout that talk. Anyways point is that he wish he was there to handle it but thought bringing it up again later would have just stirred the pot instead of resolve anything. So i probably will just leave it where it lies and not bring it back up to apologize for how i handled it like I was considering.

I’m done reading comments cause it’s gotten very overwhelming but thanks again to anyone who was kind and encouraging!