'AITA for calling out my sister-in-law for using her children to emotionally manipulate me?'

"AITA for calling out my sister-in-law for using her children to emotionally manipulate me into going to dinner 'now' instead of waiting 45 minutes?"

This happened 2 weeks ago. I am 32 and my spouse is 29. My spouse and their family (parents, sister, her kids) were hanging out. I was doing some chalk art with the kids while my spouse caught up with everyone. We had a very light lunch and some snacks for everyone to graze while hanging out.

The time for dinner started to approach and my sister in law brought up heading down for dinner. I said that it was only 5:15 and we should wait until 6:00. She said she would like to go now.

I said we should just wait and go at 6 because I had a coupon and there would be deals to make the meal much cheaper. The difference being from estimated $175 to under $75. We had already offered to pay for dinner before they arrived.

My sister in law grumbled about it and went to check on the kids and their chalk stuff. I didn’t think 45 minutes would be such a big deal. But a few minutes later the kids, who were fine a few minutes ago, came to the patio and were dramatically clutching their stomachs and saying “I’m soooooo hungry."

This annoyed me. I don’t like it when people use their kids to emotionally manipulate others. I think it’s pathetic. My MIL and FIL were easily swayed and said “Oh, well, let’s just get ready and head down anyway, it’ll be fine.”

I looked at my spouse and they said we could just wait, but their sister said no, and started to get the kids ready to go out. I was super annoyed at this and while the kids ran inside, I turned to her and said “Using your children to emotionally manipulate people into getting your way is pathetic.”

She said “everyone is hungry, just get over it, if you couldn’t afford to pay for dinner then you shouldn’t have offered.” I do get she has a point that we offered, but is asking for just 45 minutes seriously that big of a deal to have her try to use her kids like that? I would think most family would want to help each other save a little money. Am I wrong?

After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:

Hi everyone I am editing this now since I think I got a lot of good responses. It seems that I just didn't know that by having people over at our house if was an official event that required hosting, and children don't eat sandwiches anymore so I need to get catering or something if I do it again.

I don't really want to have to do that it seems really excessive for family so I'm just not going to do it anymore. Idk I'm learning a lot about different families and stuff like sandwiches aren't real food.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

PerturbedHamster said:

Easily solved. "We're happy to pay for dinner at 6. If that doesn't work with your schedule, then you are free to feed yourselves." And just tune out her BS. NTA.

PeachBanana8 said:

NTA. Your spouse should have told them that if they want you to pay, you’re waiting until six, otherwise they’re welcome to go and pay for themselves. Your spouse should be dealing with their rude sister.

Standard-Park said:

ESH. I mean, my kids would be freaking starving by 6pm. I doubt she was "using them to manipulate you" the kids were probably just hungry and wouldn't shut up about it (like most children) so what you said was YTA.

That said, if someone had offered to take us AND the kids out for dinner at 6pm I would have just declined because that's too late for my kids. SIL is the AH For not feeding her kids beforehand so they weren't starving at 6pm.

Late dinners should be just adults IMO cuz even if you feed the kids beforehand they're gonna be antsy in the restaurant while everyone else is eating.

BluebirdAny3077 said:

NTA, but that would be the last time I'd be paying for their dinner. I know some families eat sooner and 6pm is kind of too late (factoring the travel time, ordering and waiting) but doing it the way she did and being rude about your offering to pay doesn't help anything.

anjulibai said:

NAH. I get where you are coming form, but kids get hungry quickly. And if you got their at 6:00pm, it probably would be a while before you got your food. Going earlier meant getting food earlier and less of a chance for hangry kids.

xXBlackxDiamondXx said:

NTA. She totally coached her kids on what to do. The AH in me would've taken back my offer to pay for her after that little disrespectful display.