'AITA for calling out my sister for making my grandma's death all about her?'

"AITA for calling out my sister for making my grandma's death all about her?"

My grandma died a little over a week ago. My sister (19) was supposed to stay the night with her in the hospital. We were all there until around 9:30 and she was fine. She was sitting up and talking. At 2:30 some cop was knocking on our door to tell us that she was dead and to take us to the hospital. She had a heart attack.

In my culture, when someone dies, you open their house so anybody can pay their respects. Like my mom and aunt seriously posted her address on social media with dates and times.

I just have to say that my sister is the “perfect“ one and that role is very important to her. She has a tiny body, great skin, piercing blue eyes, and springy blonde curls. She literally looks like a Disney princess. Nobody in our family even has blonde hair or blue eyes or curly hair except for like a couple of my grandparents siblings.

She’s also a preschool teacher (in my state you can get a certificate after a year of college and a certain number of hours in the classroom) and works with kids outside of the classroom so now she teaches all of the little cousins and has people coming to her for advice and really makes a spectacle of her being great with kids.

So anyways, we had the open house thing and people she didn’t even know kept coming to her and telling her that she was our grandma’s favorite and how proud our grandma was of her.

Then somebody asked how she was doing after seeing her die and my sister goes on and on about how it was the scariest thing in her life and how when she knew grandma was going to die she tried calling us but we all slept through it and how after grandma died, she had to call one of her preschool parents to wake us up and take us to the hospital because she didn’t know how else to reach us.

I swear she told that story at least 20 times between the 2 nights. When she wasn’t telling that story, she was showing off all of her jewelry that my grandma apparently gave her but before her death she insisted they were fakes from Amazon or talking about her other job working with kids and giving advice on which public library is the best for toddlers and showing pictures of the vacation her boss took her on. It was all about her.

After the 2nd night I told her she doesn’t have to be seeking attention. We get it. She’s perfect and she was grandma’s favorite person in the world and she does like the best job for women in our culture and knows everything about little kids but grandmas death isn’t about her. I got in trouble because she’s “traumatized“ and she and grandma had a special relationship.

Now my sister is pissed with me and my parents are trying to pretend like nothing happened but they still want me to apologize so AITA for calling her names for seeking attention.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Traditional-Cash38 said:

Wow YTA. Sounds like you resent your sister for how you perceive her to be better than you. Like what does your sister’s blonde hair and blue eyes have anything to do with your grandma’s death or funeral. Seems like you’re giving context on how YOU feel she’s better than you.

And now that she’s reasonably grieving (as I’m sure you all are), you verbally attack her. Oh she’s talking about her job? When you experience death of someone close, you try to find other things to focus on so you can be less burdened with the crushing grief. Serious YTA and you probably need to address within yourself why you resent your sister so much.

Chyeahhhales said:

YTA. Nothing about your sister’s actions suggests she was being an “attention seeker.” What it does show is your own insecurity toward her. It sounds like your sister was the only one with your grandma when she passed and that’s deeply traumatic, especially for someone young. Also, what do her looks or her profession have to do with any of this?

Syric13 said:

YTA. Your jealousy is the Attention Seeker here. Look at how you described your sister. People were coming up and talking to her. You didn't say she was going around showing off, family members were coming in and out and they were talking to her. She is doing what she is supposed to do: She's talking to a whole group of people she doesn't know and giving them information.

You never mentioned any relationship you had with your grandma. Did you have one? How old are you exactly? What are you doing with your life that others aren't interested in? I mean what exactly do you want her to do? I mean, did you do anything to make this process easier for everyone? Did you go to talk to people? Did you do anything besides sit there and get angry at your sister for talking to relatives?

PM_ME_LANCECATAMARAN said:

YTA. She told the story 20 times because people came to listen 20 times. It's not like everyone showed up all at once and she went out into the community to tell it more.

Fair_Theme_9388 said:

YTA. I stopped reading halfway through because this post is just you ranting about how jealous you are of your sister. Your grandma just died and this is what you’re putting your energy into? Embarrassing.

lostcollegehuman303 said:

YTA, you may be grieving but your sister, parents and family are too. Your jealousy of your sister will ruin your relationship if you don’t work through it. Apologize, go to therapy or deal with your jealousy.

Fetagirl said:

YTA. This entire post was about how you resent your sister because she’s pretty and works with children.