'AITA for calling my partner names? 'I just want to relax in my own home.'

"AITA for calling my partner names and refusing to clean to her crazy high standards?"

My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We have had a few run ins about the cleaning. I’d say I am a clean and tidy guy but don’t get fussed about the odd thing lying around.

My partner is extremely clean and anything lying around she says causes her brain to stay active. For example, kitchen spray on the kitchen side or some washing up on the kitchen side. We devised a rota where our jobs are completely separate to try and avoid further issues.

My jobs are:

Feed the cats (3 of them and all different needs)

Manage and pay all bills (we separate 50/50)

Clean the cat litters (2 of them)

Wash up

Hoover

Empty Bins / Put bin out on bin day

We share cooking and shopping. We agreed this is fair and about 50% of the workload (I actually think mine is a bit more). Anyway yesterday she comes home after I’ve had a day off work (we both work full time hours) - all my jobs are up to scratch APART from the hoovering and the house is semi tidy in my opinion. I’d bought her flowers and was looking forward to seeing her.

She sees a few things on the kitchen side and the kitchen isn’t hoovered, oh and I didn’t rack up the new toilet roll I bought in the holder. She has it written all over her face she’s pissed off, she sits down and tells me she feels let down.

This hurt me and made me feel like whatever I do it’s not enough for her. This is why we divided the jobs. She says I should have done more - cleaned the kitchen (her job) and put the toilet roll away. She is livid and I tell her she is being a d.

I apologized for the last part pretty quick and ask her to recognize my feelings of how I feel on edge when she comes home at times and sometimes I just want to relax in my own home. She doesn’t seem to see my side or hear me. We tried talking again tonight but it goes round and she says she doesn’t want to live here anymore with me. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Toasted_Lizard said:

YTA for thinking that’s half of the house work. No way is vaccuming, washing up, bills, and cats half of keeping a house clean. You do understand that she is then covering all of the kitchen cleaning, all of the tidying up, all of the dusting, cleaning the showers, cleaning the toilets...

...making the bed, folding the laundry, cleaning all of the windows and mirrors, and cleaning all of the appliances (fridge, microwave, oven). Plus, YOU ADMIT that you had not done your job of vaccuming, and then acted surprised that she was upset at your for not doing your job.

JadieBugXD said:

I’m struggling to understand how your list is more than 50% of the tasks. Seems like maybe 10% of the tasks to me. Also YTA for the way you spoke to your partner.

PrintBetter9672 said:

Other than the bills, you have the exact same chore list as my not-very-responsible 14-year-old kid. Both my husband and I do a lot more than him, so she must not put a lot of hope in your cleaning abilities. YTA.

NuisancePenguin44 said:

YTA that list of chores is no way 50% plus they are the easiest jobs. Love how you specify that all 3 cats eat different meals like that's somehow so much more work for you having to open 3 tins.

rinderella98 said:

YTA for having absolutely no clue what all goes into keeping a house clean. I actually snorted when I read that you think your pathetically short list of chores is more than 50% of the work. Also, y’all need at least one more litter box. Ideally two more.

lucyfell said:

I’m genuinely shocked that you think what you listed is 50% of the chores to keep a household running. YTA.