AITA for calling in a welfare check on my husband after he didn’t respond to me for the weekend?
AITA for calling in a welfare check on my husband after he didn’t respond to me for the weekend while I was on a work trip?
I (40F) was out of town for a planned work trip over the weekend, which is something I do on a quarterly basis for my job. My husband (39M) stayed home with our son (4M) for a boys weekend.
They dropped me at the airport on Friday evening and I checked in with them when I arrived to say goodnight and let them know all was well. On Saturday I sent my husband a good morning text and asked how our son was doing; sometimes he struggles with sleeping. I didn’t get a response.
I went to the planned work events and sent another message a couple hours later, when I didn’t get a response I called but still, nothing. I sent a few more messages throughout the day and even texted his brother to check in on them, his brother said he did not respond to him either.
By that evening I was pretty concerned as I still hadn’t heard anything, I ended up calling the hospital to see if anything had happened and even checked to see if there were any accident reports, I tried contacting the one neighbor I have the number to but they were unavailable so I decided to call the cops to do a welfare check.
When the cops showed up my husband and son were at home and he said was not answering his phone because they were watching TV and playing games all day. But I just don’t see how he couldn’t send even a text the entire day to let me know things were good. He says I blew this out of proportion and should have waited until bedtime as he was going to have my son call me then anyway.
My husband is against using location tracking apps so there was no way of me to know where he was and if everything was ok unless he told me. The police chalked it up to a misunderstanding so legally nothing more will be done but my husband is upset with me for undermining his parenting abilities. Now I’m wondering if I and the TA for having a welfare check called on him?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
WildCaliPoppy wrote:
NTA, when you have children you have to be able to check in with the other parent. Also, you didn’t jump straight to “emergency” you tried his brother (who he also ignored) and a neighbor (who wasn’t available). All this could have been avoided if he had bothered to respond to anyone.
pennilesspirate wrote:
NTA. From what you’ve said, it sounds like it had been 16-24 hours since you last heard from your husband, who was home alone with your 4 year old. Of course you’d be worried, anyone would.
He should’ve checked in at least once during that time. Going 8+ hours without responding to calls or texts while being the only caregiver for your young child is concerning and, honestly, a bit irresponsible.
UnusualAd6529 wrote:
I think calling within 12 hours was a bit excessive but not completely unreasonable. Your husband should have definitely gotten in touch at some point during the day and its strange that he didn't.
Moirascheese wrote:
All the YTA’s are from the red pilled incels who think child care is a woman’s job. Also, they don’t have kids because won’t talk to them. NTA. But you have WAY bigger issues with your husband. It seems he wanted to punish you for watching his own kid. Like the redpilled guys.
Nenoshka wrote:
Very similar to another post where the wife calls for a welfare check because the husband ignores every text and phone call, and then he has a hissy fit that someone cared enough to check on him.
Powermama77 wrote:
Dad did not understand the assignment. He should be responding to your reasonable check in. Doesn't your 4 year old want to say Hi to Mom - send a photo of them having fun? That's what my husband and I always did in cases like this. It's just common courtesy.
PomegranateOver4747 wrote:
So how I'm reading - you had communication on Friday night. Then your husband went almost 24 hours without responding to any text or calls made by you or other family, while he was taking care of your 4yo child.
Unless you'd had a no check-in plan in advance - definite NTA. I dogsit for people & don't normally go that long without letting people know their dog is alive much less a parent with their actual child.
hiddenkobolds wrote:
NTA, specifically because of the four-year-old. It's not unreasonable to expect your coparent to respond to calls/texts at some point in a whole day while you're away. If it was just your husband, I'd say you overreacted, but with a child too young to care for himself also in the picture and no options for someone local to check in, this tilts into "unfortunate but understandable."
Robtonka99 wrote:
NTA. I am of the ideology that if my wife calls me, I answer the damn phone or get back to her soon, because that is what I expect of her. This is not 1995 when most people did not have a cell phone and being out of contact for extended periods was a legitimate thing.
In 2025, we all have cell phones and while I don't think you are required to answer every call that comes in, you're allowed to avoid people if you want, your spouse is not one of them. Even if you don't want to talk, I definitely agree with at least a text message response.