'AITA for calling my wife selfish after she told me to abandon our daughter for a week?'
"AITA for calling my wife selfish after she told me to abandon our daughter for a week?"
ThrowRA_girldad
English is not my first language, so I apologize for any minor errors you may find. I (32M) am married to my wife (30F) and we have a beautiful three-year-old little girl together.
Now if I'm being honest, our daughter is definitely growing up to be a typical daddy's girl. Her first word was Dada, her first steps were spent walking over to me, whenever she wants a hug she reaches out to me, and whenever we feed her my wife struggles to get her to open her mouth to actually eat while she'll eat anything I try to give her without hesitation.
Yesterday after we put out daughter to bed my wife asked to speak with me about something important. She pulled me aside and said she was worried about our daughter's behavior, she said she was worried about her growing up not loving her mother as much as her father.
I was sympathetic towards her because I definitely thought the same thing for a little while. I told her she should sign up for a mommy and me class because it would be a great opportunity for them to bond, but she said she's to busy to do something like that.
So I asked what she wanted to do and her answer shocked me. She said she'd like me to leave the house for a week to stay with my sister without telling my daughter first, she said that would practically force her and our daughter to bond.
I said absolutely not. To me that sounded like the worst plan in the history of mankind. She tried to convince me, saying it was the best option. I called her selfish and told her she was out of her mind to expect me to abandon our daughter when she's so young for any amount of time.
She said that I was actually the selfish one for hogging my daughter's attention and called me a monster. She then stormed into the guest bedroom and slept there for the night.
And today she's done nothing but ignore me, and whenever she sees me do anything with our daughter she glares at me. I'm pretty confident I'm in the right, but I've still gotta ask. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
OP, a lot of people here seem to be struggling to understand the “no discipline yet” comment. Can you define what you view as discipline, because I think people can’t comprehend that telling your child they “need to do A/B/C or whatever” might not be seen as a “disciplinary action” as opposed to just standard parenting.
ThrowRA_girldad OP responded:
Admittedly I do think I may have misunderstood the discipline comments, it may be a cultural difference. When I saw the word discipline for the first time I misunderstood and thought they ment punishment which we haven't needed to do yet.
If it just means parental guidance then we obviously tell her to eat at a certain time or take a bath at a certain time or go to sleep at a certain time. And no, I'm not particularly soft in that department.
If your child is 3 then they definitely have needed discipline at various times. The fact that you think angel dumpling darling has not needed discipline but apparently refuses to be fed by mom is hilariously telling as to how much actual parenting you do.
ThrowRA_girldad OP responded:
My wife hasn't done much discipline either, and she never had an issue with our daughter not wanting to be fed by her, she always just asked me to do it instead. I only brought it up as an example of our daughter preferring me, my wife never told me she was upset about that specifically.
axator82
NTA just stay home. My kids were, in phases, also daddies kids. But one thing: are you as strict as she, or are you the fun parent and is she having to do the negative-parent-stuff?
We had conversations about it. I cannot always be the parent who says it is bedtime and dad the one who says nothing or even says 5 more minutes. It did make a difference and parenting is a team job...
lower-purr
I have to agree with you on this if he’s always coming to swoop in when she cries or prefers Dad for every thing then he is putting his wife in a bad Position. I am a stay at home parent My oldest daughter (9) is a daddy‘s girl and still is to this day.
It never really bothered me. I think it bothered him more because he was doing everything. lol. I think she was just a daddy‘s girl because he was gone all the time and when he got home she only wanted him.
FYI, OP mommy and me classes really tend to be just a big group play date. There’s no one on one and I personally hated them. I don’t see anything wrong with you leaving for about 3 hour so she can read some books or have lunch date. My husband dose this with are second kid (4) cuz she doesn’t want anything to do with him. LOL she is a totally mommy girl.
extinct_diplodocus
NTA. You gave her a constructive, loving suggestion. She replied with a destructive, jealous suggestion. She wants you to "cure" things by vanishing without warning. It looks like your daughter prefers the person who reciprocates her love and has time for her.
throw_away_800
ESH. You shouldn't leave the house for a week, but you do need to step back if your daughter is favoring you so much she won't even let your wife feed her. This happened with my baby with my husband too.
He wouldn't let him do anything for him. He wouldn't even play with him. I started going upstairs when my son needed something so our son would have to let my husband help him and it didn't take long for him to start seeing him as a care taker as well.
He still favored me, but at least I could go shower and leave the house without my son crying the entire time. You have to compromise and work together so the issue doesn't get worse.
celticmusebooks
DO NOT GHOST YOUR DAUGHTER. You wife sounds like she is struggling with some mental health issues don't leave your daughter alone with her for a week under ANY circumstances. Encourage your wife to get a mental health screening. NTA.