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Bride’s insistance on MOH's weight loss backfires; viral post loses her business and friendship. + UPDATE

Bride’s insistance on MOH's weight loss backfires; viral post loses her business and friendship. + UPDATE

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"Can you ask someone to lose weight for your wedding?"

My friend (33F) is a personal trainer and just got engaged to another personal trainer. All of their friends were met through the gym they both work at.. I have known her since we were both 5. I am not a personal trainer..

I am a US size 10. So I’m not obese, but I’m definitely on the fatter size. I’m very comfortable with who I am, and my doctor is too... Well tonight she called me with the “best” news.

Her fiancé and her are putting together a great work out and meal plan together for me... They figure if I drop 20-30lbs, the wedding pictures will be more “symmetric”. She was so happy and excited, like she was doing me a favor... I wasn’t even sure what to say so I just hung up and haven’t responded. I completely flabbergasted...

This isn’t a situation where I constantly complain about my weight and then get mad when someone offers to help. I’ve never ask for help, I’ve never mentioned wanting to lose weight... They both just kind of took it upon themselves to “help me”.

Obviously I’m going to opt out of being her Maid of Honor, but at this point I not even sure I want to go now. Why would anyone think this was ok? I honestly have no idea how to discuss this with her. I feel like it’s much more the fiancé than her.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:

Call her back and tell her you thought about her symmetry issue and have decided you can just be in the center of every picture to make it even. No weight loss needed!

What the actual what? No, that’s not okay. A real friend would never ask that of you either.

(OP)

That’s why Im so flabbergasted. I’ve been best friends with her since I was 5. Almost 30 years... and either the fiancé is a lot more controlling than I realized or she’s not the friend I thought she was.

Hey friend I'll do you one better this is my total weight xxx you can just subtract that number from you wedding party!

The bride that I’m maid of honor for kicked out a newly pregnant bridesmaid because the bride didn’t think an 8 month pregnant women would look good in the wedding party photos. This happens a lot more than you’d expect.

The next day, the OP returned with an update.

So wow that post blew up.. I ended up deleting it because my friend lost business over it. She had told a few of her close clients her plan. When it blew up and ended up on FB via different news outlets.. they were able to put two and two together.

They decided they didn’t want her to be their PT any longer.. That was never ever my intention. Although I feel bad, play stupid games, win stupid prizes... Anyway- her and I talked in length.

She admitted her true motivation was having before (my wedding photos) and after pictures (her wedding) of a “normal Mom transformed into a fit Mom”. She was also planning on having crop top dresses.

After 3 pregnancies my abs are quite separated, and she wanted to “help”. She realized her motivations were selfish. She knew I would decline, so she had hoped that, presented this way. I would do it for her... But yea, her concern was never my health. She admitted that multiple times.

To address a few things: * $2,500 plane tickets were for a family of 5. *I’ve also never hinted at wanting to lose weight. She knows I’m very comfortable with who I am. *Also my doctor is very happy with where I stand.

I received many very strange messages and comments telling me my doctor is lying to me... I can assure you, my doctor would make a lot more money telling me I was fat and needing to run extra tests.. So he’s not going to lie about my health. That’s about the exact opposite of what a doctor does...

My husband is not a pig for saying he wanted to show me off at a nude beach. He’s my biggest supporter. He just meant that I don’t need to hide and I’m beautiful the way I am.

The fiancé wasn’t behind this.. but he’s pissed that I wouldn’t just do it for her... He literally said “Tell her anything over a size 4 is disgusting” in the background when I spoke to her. So good luck with your winner there...

After we spoke, I have decided that just I’m going to go to the wedding, and not be in the wedding. My family will stay home. She feels terrible, but we’ve been friends for almost 30 years.

I’m also not going to fly out for her showers and bachelorette, which I would have done otherwise. This really put our friendship in perspective for me. She had stepped back a little since she got serious with her fiancé, and I didn’t realize the extent of it.

He has some strong views on hating anyone over a size 4, and I realized she’s slowly picked these up as well. I have no idea what the friendship holds after this, but I still want to be there to cheer her on for the wedding.. but I don’t have to be immersed in every aspect.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:

Wow. All I can say is that you are a way nicer person than me. Because if the original proposition wasn't enough to end the friendship, finding out I'd been made the centerpiece of a promotional campaign without any input on my part would've sealed the deal.

(OP)

I’m trying to be the bigger (haha) person here. Honestly, this may be the beginning of the end of our friendship altogether.. or we may be friends for another 30 years. I want to go, just in case we do end up getting closer again. If we don’t, it’s a weekend in my home town with no kids and free booze. 🤷🏼‍♀️

"He has some strong views on hating anyone over a size 4, and I realized she’s slowly picked these up as well."

As someone who's very much into powerlifting and "looking good", absolutely eff this guy. He's a utter and complete dbag.

CoCoOhNoThrowaway (OP)

I feel like dbag is the nicest term I would use for him... I didn’t think about it until all of this cake up, but the last few times I visited her at her house, she was dressed to the 9s and a full face of make up every second. When she visited me (without him), I don’t think she wore anything but yoga pants and her hair up. So there’s a lot going on there...

Bro is in for a rude awakening when he finds out it's considerably harder to stay that level of skinny as you age, even more so if you suffer any kind of injury or illness.

OP is a good person, still going to the wedding and ready to be there for her friend if/when the marriage implodes. I do hope OP thinks this through carefully though, there is being there for someone and someone using you as their life preserver.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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