I canceled my brother's wedding after his fiancée called my adopted kids 'rescues,' AITA? UPDATED

I canceled my brother's wedding because he didn't follow my rules.

-TerrificTerror- writes

I, (F31), have a brother, (M28), who is hoping to get married to his fiancée, (F25). They have been in a relationship for a long time, have kids and a house together, so she isn't someone who's new to the family.

We're all European, but I own a gorgeous house in Colorado. It is in the middle of the mountains, surrounded by forests, and has huge windows looking out on my acres surrounding; it truly is stunning and a dream come true. A couple of months ago, my brother came to me and asked me if they could use my house for a destination wedding.

While I was hesitant to host a goddamn wedding in the house of my dreams, I can absolutely understand how my dream home is her dream venue. I told him they absolutely could but had some rules (despite me not living there).

No more than 25 guests. It truly is in the middle of nowhere, so guests would have to sleep at the house, and I simply do not have room for more. Nothing that permanently alters anything in or around the house. No smoking indoors.

Any damage done by them or their guests would have to be paid for. Since I'm quite protective of the house, I offered to decorate and find a caterer, and that'd be my gift to them. So, I'm providing them with a venue, food, and decorations. I am currently almost $10k into my "gift" because it's my brother's wedding, and it's what I wanted to do.

Now, sh&t has hit the fan. His fiancée decided she needed at least 45 guests. While I was willing to be flexible by one or two, but 20? Nah. I asked her if she wanted to stack them, and she got salty.

On top of that, she wants me to pay to fly her family in because I fronted the money to my other brother (he is paying me back) because he couldn't afford a ticket.

I told her no, and again I got sassed. On top of that, she wants me to build a pergola (which I actually considered), paint my living room (cover up the beautiful wood, so definitely no), and also pay for the drinks.

I said no; I've done enough. She has now taken it upon herself to tell people I'm going back on my promises, that I left her hanging, that she can't afford the super expensive wedding I "made" her plan, and even went as far as to uninvite my grandparents, just to spite me (her words were "you wanted me to cut back on guests so I'm picking your family). I'm getting at least two messages a day asking me why I'm ruining her day, if I'm jealous, etc.

Today, she called me to tell me that if I keep going out of my way to make her miserable, I and my "rescues" (two of my children are adopted) would not be invited either. While I find it absurd that she thinks she can uninvite me from my own house, the fact that she referred to my kids as "rescues" has me absolutely fuming.

I am considering canceling the whole thing but would be royally f&%$ing over my brother in the process, who has done nothing wrong. So, is her sh*%show overshadowing my need to protect my brother from a giant financial hole? I don't know.

OP gave some extra context:

I purchased this house after it had been on the market for close to two (2) years. It was in complete disrepair, and I spent a little over a year of my life restoring (not renovating) it to its original, glorious state. I have spent a lot of money, love, and time on this house, and had anyone wanted it, it would have been purchased somewhere in the two years it was on the market.

The house is currently being used by a friend who needs to get back on his feet, and has been for the past 8 months. I work hard for what I have, and if I want to spend it having the home of my dreams just in case I someday want to live there, that's my choice.

OP provided an update:

To those claiming I am an a^%^ole because I am contributing to the housing crisis by owning a house I don't live in, I am not. This is a house so deep in the mountains that I need to drive 50 minutes to go do groceries. The internet is so bad that I am waiting for even Starlink to start covering the area, and when it snows, you sure as hell aren't going anywhere.

This is not a house built for living in full-time. On top of that, it was on the market for close to two years and in complete disrepair. I did not "steal" some family's home; no one wanted it. The fact that it is a dream home is because I spent a year of my life restoring the whole thing myself.

Now, on to the update; I heard they were visiting my parents, and I drove down as well, mostly because I wanted people present to witness the conversation.

I told her and my brother that since my home did not suit her needs and it was stressing her out to the point that she was calling my children names, I no longer felt like I was giving them the appropriate gift by supplying a venue, caterer, and decorations.

I said that I felt like in my efforts to protect my home, I was limiting their options too much, standing in the way of their dream wedding, and as a result, would no longer be hosting.

My brother seemed relieved, admitted to not quite wanting a destination wedding, and that things got a little out of hand during the planning phase. He thanked me for my willingness to help and offered to pay me back for the deposits I'm losing, which I appreciated but declined.

His SO, however, accused me of being petty and jealous because "I'm single and no one wants me" and going out of my way to cause her stress and ruin her day. She then pointed at my two youngest children and said, "You're doing more for strangers than you are for your own family."

The kids are luckily young enough so they didn't catch on to this, but my older two did and were absolutely shocked, as were my parents. I told her she had all of three seconds to get out of my line of sight before I would be bringing hellfire down on her, while instructing my children to leave the room.

My father stepped in, said it would indeed be better for her to leave, and told my brother that he was sorry, but that this is unacceptable. My brother agreed, took his family home, and has since called me to apologize and to say that the wedding planning has been put on hold until she "comes to her senses."

Here are the top comments from the post:

stacity says:

My brother agreed, took his family home and has since called me to apologise and to say that the wedding planning has been put on hold until she ''comes to her senses''. OP's brother is in for a rude awakening since this is his fiance's true colors. "Comes to her senses" my rear. Dude run.

Quicksilver1964 says:

The wedding is on hold but the relationship is not?? Hope OOP's brother is hit by common sense, soon.

TheKittenPatrol says:

"Yeah, you can use my home but it's my own place so no permanent changes and there actively isn't room for more than 25 people and that's a stretch" And yet, somehow OP is supposed to magically make more room and is supposed to be okay with permanent work changes and her brother is just like "it's wedding stress".

Was he not talking to his fiance about what was actually possible and the wedding list and such? Was fiance making all the decisions while he washed his hands of it? Did he not have a reaction to the adopted kids being called rescues? Just, where is the brother in all of this? Legitimately, this is such a mess of a partnership and while her true colors are coming out, he seems to have no backbone. I feel the most bad for their kids.

What do you think? Should OP have canceled her brother's wedding?