Woman tries to stop friend from cheating on her fiancé at Thanksgiving; friend says, 'I already slept with your husband.' UPDATED x2

AITA for canceling Thanksgiving because I didn't want to help my friend cheat on her fiancé.

Fit_Interview9591 writes:

I am 33 (F), and this year has been challenging for me health-wise, making traveling difficult. Although it's nothing serious, I've been feeling exhausted. Consequently, my husband and I decided not to spend Thanksgiving with our families this year.

Coincidentally, his parents are on a cruise, and mine are celebrating Thanksgiving with my brother and his wife at her parents' house. This arrangement ensures that no one is left alone for Thanksgiving.

Given that we have a group of friends in town who aren't traveling either, we decided to host a Thanksgiving dinner and invite a total of 10 friends. I've prepared everything and even ordered a Thanksgiving meal for 15 people because I enjoy having extra food—it really makes it feel like Thanksgiving, and everyone can take some home.

We opted to order the meal because I'm physically too weak to pull off cooking for this many people, and my husband can't handle it alone either. We were both looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner.

However, one of my friends, let's call her Tina, has been going through a tough period lately. I wanted her to join us, especially since she's in town and not spending the holiday with her own family. Here's where the issue arises:

Tina has been engaged to her fiancé, Max, for over five years, predating our friendship. Max and Tina have always been part of our social circle as a couple. However, in the past year, Tina confided in me that she has a crush on Max's friend, Tom, whom we know but aren't close to.

I tried to be supportive, but when she began sharing explicit details about her interactions with Tom, I felt uncomfortable. I explained that it wasn't fair to put me in that position, given that she was still engaged to Max. She was upset but understood and apologized. Over time, I observed that things progressed between Tina and Tom, despite her engagement to Max.

When she complained about her personal life, I urged her to come clean to Max and either work things out or end the relationship. She seemed to understand, and the topic was dropped. We continued to socialize with Tina and Max, hoping that she had resolved the situation with Tom. We even invited them to Thanksgiving.

The problem arose this past Friday when we were out with a group of friends, including Tina and Max. To my surprise, they invited Tom as well, citing his proximity and frequent visits to their house. While I didn't appreciate this information, I kept my feelings to myself.

Toward the end of the evening, our friends expressed excitement about the upcoming Thanksgiving dinner, and Tina invited Tom to join us at our house. Knowing my disapproval of her actions with Tom, this caught me off guard. Tom accepted the invitation, and in that moment, I couldn't find the words to object. My husband, unaware of Tina's situation with Tom, thought it was a great idea.

Since Friday night, I've been feeling sick to my stomach and incredibly upset. Consequently, I decided to cancel the Thanksgiving party at our house and asked a friend, who doesn't know Tom and wasn't present on Friday evening, if she could host it instead.

Tina was furious and sent me a long message, stating that I had no right to uninvite Tom, especially since I refused to hear the details of their situation. I am considering cutting her out of my life, but I first need to calm down. Before making any decisions, I wanted to get some perspective—do you think I am overreacting?

OP provided an updated:

Tina proceeded to practically bully me with texts over three days, saying things like "you are not a good friend because you don’t want me to be happy" (and by happy, she means having both her fiancé and her potential lover together in my house!) to "you are a professional failure because you didn’t get that job you wanted," to "I am glad you got sick and fat so I don’t have to hear anyone anymore talk about how good you look."

Given all the drama, it didn’t make sense to keep it a secret from my husband, so I told him. He decided that it is better that we tell Max not only because he deserves to know, but also because we will cut her (or them if they stay together) out of our lives, so Max will have questions anyway.

We decided to do it after Thanksgiving and were trying to decide whether to tell Tina beforehand so she could tell him first if she wanted to or if to have them together and talk about it the four of us. This was so that Tina wouldn’t feel it was a backstabbing situation (not that she deserves any grace at this point, but for basic human decency).

We decided we would go to the Thanksgiving dinner and not provoke any drama so that the night wasn’t ruined for the rest of our friends. There was no reason to believe that Tina would cause any scenes because she was chatting very normally on the group chat and even joking about something I said, even though separately she was sending me rageful messages (cringe).

However, this late afternoon, I learned that she had created an additional group chat and told our friends that I had been spreading lies about her to them, and anything I had told them was a lie to make her look bad (I had not told them a word.

My plan was to simply communicate to them that I had cut Tina out of my life after I did it, without providing any details other than saying that she tried to involve me in situations that made me uncomfortable. I also had planned to tell them that they didn’t need to choose between me or her, and that we could still hang out, and I wouldn’t mind skipping the events where they wanted to invite Tina.

Not optimal, but the best I could have done). In addition, she asked them to choose between her and Max and me and my husband because she couldn’t stand to be in the same group of friends as me anymore after I ruined her life.

Needless to say, my friends were super confused. They reached out to me (most of them have known me for over 20 years, so they know that I don’t spread lies). I showed them all the messages and told them everything. The friend who is hosting tomorrow said that apparently Tina had asked if her and Max could bring a friend.

Most probably Tom. After an hour-long conversation with my friends, we decided to tell Max collectively today and not have them join the dinner tomorrow (only Max if he wanted to). One of the friends called Max and told him we all needed to speak with him, and to come alone. He showed up less than 20 minutes later (lives only 15 minutes away), with Tina!

She was already in rage mode and started yelling at everyone. We managed to tell him through a lot of drama and denying. Turns out he had a hunch and didn’t want to admit it to himself. Turns out also that they are both pieces of sh%t because he was apparently in a serious relationship with Tina’s friend before leaving her for Tina. We are all glad they are out of our lives.

In a last low blow, Tina told me in front of everyone to take care of my marriage instead of her relationships because according to her, when she and Max lived with us for a few months (they had some financial issues), she had an affair with my husband! Of course, I don’t believe it, but it left such a bitter taste.

OP provided a second update:

Right now, she sent to our group message a photo of a necklace that belonged to my husband's family's heirlooms, claiming that he gave it to her. That is her only proof. For all I know, she might have taken it. He wouldn’t be as stupid as to give her something that distinctive. I do not believe a thing she says, but it does leave a bitter taste and makes me sad.

This is kind of a second update because we are all at the Thanksgiving party, and it is safe to say that the energy is so low. It seems like all my friends are affected by all this, and I feel bad. AITA for ruining Thanksgiving? Should I have let her just bring Tom and not do anything?

Here are some of the top comments:

CatmoCatmo says:

After all of that drama and two updates later, OOP still feels the need to ask. You’re missing the forest for the trees here ma’am. If she just “kept the peace” she would still likely be “friends” with that piece of trash Tina. NO ONE RUINED THANKSGIVING EXCEPT FOR TINA!!

knittedjedi says:

OP didn't even tell Max because it was the right thing to do. He only found out because OP's husband stepped up.

BeBraveShortStuff says;

I want to know why her husband didn’t freak out that Tina had his family heirloom. Cause if I let someone stay in my house and they stole from me and tried to use it to tell my SO that I cheated on them, I’d be down the police station filing a report of stolen property so fast I’d create a small tornado. How is husband not losing his sh%t? Unless he did give it to Tina.

emorrigan says:

Hm, friend with financial issues and no morals lives with OP, and then randomly shows off a necklace from OP’s house. I wonder.

What do you think? Did OP ruin Thanksgiving?