'AITA for canceling my brother's wedding venue reservation?' 'He uninvited me.'

"AITA for canceling my brother's wedding venue reservation after he uninvited me?"

So, I (37M) have a younger brother, "Tom" (26M), who’s getting married in three months. A year ago, when he and his fiancée were planning their wedding, they were struggling to find an affordable venue.

I own a vacation property with a large yard that’s been used for a couple of small weddings before, so I offered it to him as a wedding venue, rent-free. My only condition was that I wanted to be part of the wedding party, which he agreed to. Everything seemed fine.

Last week, Tom and I got into a small argument. It really wasn’t a big deal, but a couple of days later, he texted me and said he and his fiancée decided to "downsize" their wedding party and I was no longer going to be a groomsman.

I was shocked because I thought this was set in stone a year ago. I called him to ask what was going on, and he said it wasn’t personal, just that they wanted to keep things small and "intimate" and didn’t feel like they needed me in the wedding party.

I was pretty hurt, but I didn’t say anything at the time. Then it occurred to me: if I’m not important enough to be in his wedding party, why should I host the wedding at my place? So I called him again and told him that since I wasn’t going to be part of the wedding, they’d need to find another venue.

Now, Tom and his fiancée are furious. They say they can’t afford another venue at this point and that I’m "ruining their big day." My parents are also upset and say I should just "let it go" and still host the wedding.

I feel like I was doing them a huge favor, and they essentially uninvited me from being part of the most important day of their lives. I don’t think I’m wrong to retract my offer, but now everyone’s making me feel guilty. So, AITA for canceling the venue?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

LexiOrr50 said:

NTA. This may have been their plan all along. They agreed to your terms, then tried to pull the rug weeks out, but never considered the fact that you might pull the venue once they told you that you were now surplus to their requirements.

Professional-Bowl254 said:

NTA. You had an agreement, he broke it, agreement ends.

fiestafan73 said:

NTA because you had an agreement that he went back on, but dude, it is really weird to bargain to be in someone's wedding. I wouldn't want to be in a wedding where I wasn't asked to be in the first place.

introextromidtro said:

YTA. You don't tell us what the fight was about, only that it "really wasn't a big deal." You don't tell us why you thought your only brother wouldn't make you a groomsmen on his own, rather than you making it a condition of using the property.

You won't answer anyone in the comments asking about these things. You're obviously leaving out important stuff, and I'm guessing it's because it makes you look bad.

VintageFashion4Ever said:

ESH. If the cost of admission into the wedding party was a free venue, then y'all have obviously have a long history of issues.

Top-Sell4574 said:

ESH. You shouldn’t have to coerce someone into being their groomsman. And your brother shouldn’t have backed out of the deal.