'AITA for canceling my niece’s bday cake last minute because my sister refused to pay me back?'
"AITA for canceling my niece’s birthday cake last minute because my sister refused to pay me back?"
My 29F sister asked me 33f for help planning her daughter’s (my niece, 8F) birthday party. I agreed I even offered to help her book a clown, some outdoor games, and order the birthday cake from a popular bakery in town that gets fully booked weeks in advance.
When it came to the cake, she picked a custom design that cost $170 (it was three tiers, themed, with edible glitter, etc). She pleaded if i can pay upfront that she will pay me back by the end of the week. I agreed.
Well, the week came and went no payment. I reminded her again and she just laughed it off, saying things were “tight” and she would “settle up eventually.” I reminded her again the next day, and she said: "You are her aunt, you should be happy to do this. It’s not like you have kids or any real responsibilities."
That comment really rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t have kids, but I do have bills and a life and I’m not her personal wallet. So the day before the party, I called the bakery and cancelled the order. They were understanding, but said they would keep a $20 cancellation fee which I was fine with. The day of the party, my sister was freaking out, asking where the cake was, and I calmly told her:
“I cancelled it. I’m not funding your party after you disrespected me and refused to pay me back.”
She called me selfish, said I embarrassed her in front of her in-laws, and that my niece cried because she had no cake. I ended up leaving the party early.
Now my family is divided. My mom says I went too far and should have just brought the cake for the child’s sake. My dad says my sister is irresponsible and uses people.
AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
LionessRegulus7249 said:
A three tiered cake for an 8yo? What happened to sheet cake and a tub of ice cream?
Huge-Personality-737 said:
NTA but your sister sure is and a big one! If she couldn't afford a cake she should have settled for an affordable cake or a sheet cake. Then to make the comment you should pay for it is beyond off the chain. As far as your mom goes she should set your sister straight instead of telling you to pay for it. Well next year your mom can foot that bill.
OP responded:
I have learnt my lessons though.
Liu1845 said:
NTA. But, I would have told her that Friday, right when she refused to pay me back, that if she didn't pay me in full within 24 hours I would simply cancel the cake and she could order her own.
DEAD-DROP said:
Btw your sister was RUDE to have said those things but still- if you cancel the cake, you should have advised your sister IMMEDIATELY. YTA.
Sufficient_Taro6968 said:
Ugh I’m torn. I’m gonna go with ESH but your poor niece!! That expensive of a cake is ridiculous but your niece is the one to suffer in the end without having a birthday cake. I agree with canceling the expensive one but could you not have grabbed a cheap $30 one?
I totally get it’s not your job and your sister sucks but I think a cheap one is a good compromise and your niece still would’ve had a birthday cake. You never should’ve agreed to have covered that expensive of a cake to begin with if she didn’t have that money upfront. Especially if you know your sister is a flake.
neKtross said:
ESH. Your sister Shows entitlement and you punish her daughter for it?! Like wtf
Poor niece. That she felt bad is on you. This could've been handled way better
In response to the commenters, OP added this comment:
I do feel bad that my niece ended up upset that part genuinely wasn’t the goal. But at the same time, I’m not a doormat. My sister counted on guilt-tripping me and assumed I wouldn’t say no because “it’s for the child.” That’s how she always gets away with things. I love my niece, but I’m not going to keep rewarding my sister’s bad behavior. Actions have consequences, even if they show up on someone’s birthday.