"AITA for canceling my son's birthday over $10?"
I 34yo female have a son who is turning 13 this weekend. His birthday falls close to Christmas and I am not wealthy, we just get by, so many years he doesn't get a full party. This year felt like a big milestone becoming a teenager so I wanted to make it special. We invited 10 kids and rented out some batting cages for 1.5 hours, I ordered a cake and planned a whole game and food and snacks.
We live in an apartment so I planned a scavenger hunt outside to keep them entertained after the batting cages and wanted the prize to be some hidden money. So on Monday I pulled out $20 and got four 5 dollar bills. Today is Thursday and his last day of school before break they were having a party at school and so I pulled a $5 out of my wallet and handed it to him and saw the other three $5s.
I work from home so went to my room to go back to work, while in there I heard his friend come inside for 5 minutes before they left together. A little after that I walk out to get more coffee and I notice that both my purse and wallet are open, which is not like me, so I go and look and see if only have 1 $5 in my purse.
I immediately call my son asking if he took $10 which he denies. I say we'll if you didn't take it then your friend must of and he says no. I feel like I should add that I don't think his friend took the money, he has been in my house lots before and nothing has ever gone missing.
My son was with me when I pulled out the money at the store and knew what I had and where it was. My son has also never stolen money but does sneak extra snacks and cookies and lies a lot about little things and his lying has been an issue for a while now and sadly i have caught his lying so much I don't believe him much.
My sons refuse to say what happened and how the money disappeared, they were the only 2 in the living room and I 100% saw it when I handed him the $5. When he got home we tried to talk about it but he still says he didn't do it and neither did his friend.
So I told him that I his bday was cancelled as I feel like he is lying and I do not trust people in the apartment if he has no clue what happened to my money. A part of me feels like I am overreacting over $10 but I feel like if my son did take and I let him still have a party I am setting an example that he can just steal more next time. So AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Therinnemoonglow wrote:
YTA The truth is that you don't know that either kid took your money. Maybe you put it somewhere safe and forgot. Maybe it fell out of your wallet. Your brain fills in details all the time. You could be mistaken that you saw that money in your wallet. I'm a teacher. If I had one of your $5 every time a student swore they remembered turning a paper in, only to later find it in their backpack, I could retire right now.
Human brains make mistakes. I get it. Money is tight. It's stressful. Don't make this $10 a formative memory that your son will be telling a therapist a decade from now. It's already hard having a December birthday. Please don't make it harder for him.
sunshine4991 wrote:
YTA. Growing up without money sucks as a kid and it honestly can shape how they view a lot of things as an adult. Not having the snacks, not having the money for school stuff like everyone else sucks.
Sneaking food and a little extra money for the school parties kinda points to maybe he is struggling with these things and it could’ve been a conversation with him to see if this is something he isn’t handling well. I don’t think cancelling his whole birthday over $10 is fair and some other consequence should have been given instead.
Pettytrashpanda wrote:
YTA, because speaking as a Mom here, you don't have proof of wrongdoing, so you are teaching your kid that there is no truth or trust between you. My mom accused me of stealing something when I was a kid. Turned out she made the mistake, and the item was found a year later. It's been 30 years and I still bring it up if things get misplaced.
As for the lying: look as a mom of boys of a similar age, you have to pause and ask why your kid is lying to you. Mine lie if they think the punishment is worse than being honest with me, so I had to do the work to change that dynamic, because it was on me to create the kind of relationship where they can be honest with me.
They aren't perfect by any stretch, but now they are pretty open with me about any subject. Regarding the snacks: have you been food insecure? Because his behaviour around stealing food indicates he's either genuinely hungry or he's afraid of not having food. You can always put him in charge of his own snacks for the week.
BullwinkleJM wrote:
TA - Only 4 things are possible: Son took the money. Friend took the money and your son doesn't know he took it. Friend took the money and son DOES know it. You made a mistake and/or it just got lost. He's going to feel like shit for 3/4 of those things. Maybe not today but soon enough.
But IF he is innocent, and we all deserve the presumption of innocence, he will remember this for flipping ever. Do YOU remember what it feels like to be wrongly accused, let alone punished for it? He's already getting screwed every year for being a Christmas Baby. Give him the benefit of the doubt. But also keep your purse secured for a while.