'AITA for canceling my wedding after my mom’s meltdown on my bachelorette trip?'

"AITA for canceling my wedding after my mom’s meltdown on my bachelorette trip?"

Background: I’m (28F) getting married to my fiancé (30M). My mom (60sF) offered to treat me to a bachelorette cruise as a surprise. It was me, my sister (32F), my two bridesmaids (both 28F), and my mom. Sounded fun, right? Wrong. My mom turned it into a nightmare.

From night one, she got blackout drunk, threw fits, screamed offensive language from the hot tub in front of strangers—we were mortified. The whole trip, we babysat her instead of celebrating. She caused scenes everywhere, and we couldn’t relax.

The big blowup: On the first day, she befriended a jewelry salesperson on the ship who promised a “great deal” at his store on the last island stop. We all smelled scam, but she was obsessed. Fast forward to the last day—we’re off the ship, heading there, and she gets sidetracked by a skincare vendor trying to upsell her hard. We try to pull her away (politely, like “Let’s stick to the plan”), but she’s insistent.

We agree to meet her at the jewelry store while she finishes up. My sister and bridesmaids wait, then go check on her. They find her in the skincare shop, where the rep is on the phone with her credit card company forcing through a ~$2K charge. I step in to get her out, and she loses it—full rage mode, screaming “Help! They’re hurting me! Call the cops!” on the street.

It was chaos. One bridesmaid de-escalates, but at that point, we’re done. We’d put up with so much; we walked away to salvage the day at the beach (we’d missed the previous island’s beach time because of her earlier antics).

Back on the ship, my sister and a bridesmaid get pulled aside by security: Mom filed a report claiming we abandoned/threatened her. They warn that any more “incidents” mean cops at the port. She gets moved to a new cabin. Trip ruined, I was devastated.

Post-trip: This (plus other ongoing issues) made me realize I couldn’t have her involved in the wedding—she was funding a big chunk, but her behavior was toxic. Fiancé and I decide to cancel the big wedding and just elope/minimal ceremony later. No drama with him; we’re solid, just scaling back.

I sent a short email to my side: “Due to unforeseen circumstances, the wedding is canceled. We still love each other and are committed.” Simple, honest.

Fiancé’s mom (60sF) starts pushing for a longer email to their side, and insists we say “postponed” instead of “canceled” to “soften it.” I tell her firmly: No, it’s canceled—not happening as planned, no reschedule date. We’re not stringing people along.

Then, she goes behind our backs. She’d planned a surprise bridal shower (which I didn’t want or know about initially; she did it without asking). She emails my sister to “cancel” it, but the email says the shower is postponed until further notice, and adds: “Their wedding ceremony and venue will be rescheduled for a later date.”

Exactly what I said NOT to do! It misrepresents everything, makes it sound like we’re just delaying, not canceling.

Now, fiancé’s family thinks it’s a minor hiccup, and my side knows the truth. Fiancé’s mom insists that “postponed” is kinder and avoids questions. Mom is excusing her behavior saying my sister made her act crazy and coming up w the most wild excuses saying we made her buy us a bunch, all not true. (Yet caused all this over her 2k skincare purchase….?) She has not said a thing to me.

Apparently she’s fine without going to the wedding and she’s going to put all her energy into our cousins new baby/ going to plan a baby shower. (Some friends say canceling the whole wedding over one trip is extreme, but they weren’t there.

AITA for canceling after all that, and for being pissed at future MIL for twisting the message? Or should I have sucked it up and let “postponed” slide to keep peace?

TL;DR: Mom ruined bachelorette cruise with drunken rages and a public meltdown. Canceled big wedding because of it (she was funding much). Told my side it’s canceled; future MIL insists on “postponed” in comms to their side, then sends an email behind my back saying exactly that about the wedding and a surprise shower. AITA for sticking to “canceled” and being upset?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Timyx2001 said:

NTA. Sucks that both of you get a mil to deal with that suck

SummitJunkie7 said:

Sorry about your mom and the trip and cancelling the bigger celebration. But as for the email - your MIL having sent one doesn't stop you, the bride and groom, from sending a message to your guests telling them exactly what you need them to know.

Beachpup6 said:

NTA. Just go ahead and elope. Announce afterwards to everyone with few photos and a note that no further ceremony is forthcoming. Move on with your life.

No-Replacement-2303 said:

I think your wording is still misleading. You are NTA, but I understand your fiancé’s mom’s issue. You aren’t cancelling your wedding— you are planing to get married—you just aren’t doing a big wedding. Say that. Send an email that states that due to unforeseen circumstances, plans have changed and that you two are having a small private ceremony/eloping.

Thank everyone for their support and love and if you want to have a bachelorette with your soon to be MIL, you can. You’re still a bride to be. Saying that it’s cancelled and won’t be rescheduled makes it seem like the wedding is off entirely and frankly causes a lot more questions.

If being honest and forthright is important to you, then be more clear. Your mom sounds like a nightmare andI don’t blame you at all. Good luck!

Bitter-Sundae4867 said:

Honestly, I don't think this is about the wedding at all. It's about realizing you can't safety involve someone who creates public chaos and then plays victim. Weddings amplify whatever dynamics already exist. You didn't cancel because of a cruise, you canceled because you saw the future clearly. That's maturity, not drama