'AITA for canceling my wedding and breaking up over the cost and other financial expectations?'
"AITA for canceling my wedding over the cost of it and other financial expectations?"
My fiancée)27) and I (35) have been together for 3.5 years and engaged for 6 months. I’m a simple guy and live very frugally. I own a modest house that’s entirely paid off and do really well at my sales job.
My fiancée and I recently started discussing wedding plans and financial expectations going forward that’s when I realized we have totally different goals and views on things. Our first issue was what she wanted to spend on the wedding.
First time we met to discuss things with a planner I was blindsided thinking this was a first meeting when it seems that my fiancé already have the entire thing planned in her mind and simple needed to go over cost. In all the whole thing would cost about 35k and I personally think it’s ridiculous to spend that amount on a wedding. Especially when my fiancée makes barely more than that a year.
After that meeting, we met later in the week to go over our finances because I thought that was important. I was shocked to know that she does not have any savings at all despite living with parents and have no bills besides phone and streaming services. She’s got lots of credit card debt that she making minimum payments on.
When we went over my sides of things, she pointed out that it wouldn’t change anything for me if I take the 35k out of my savings to pay for the wedding. I pointed out that my liquid savings is for emergency, I have it so that I can quit my job at any point and be able to maintain my lifestyle for at least 6 months without changing anything.
The biggest issue came when she found out that I have been covering my brother’s mortgage for a year and a half and plan on doing so for the next 6 months more. I explained to her why I was doing it
( my brother paid for most of my college and recently went into a ton of debt because his daughter had a serious surgery that left them in a tons of debt. And my cover his mortgage (1700) for two years was my birthday gift to him two years ago while they got back on their feet)
She demanded that I stop helping my brother and at that point I told her between the crazy wedding cost and asking me to not help my brother. She and I were not compatible.
My mother and sister have been telling me I’m not doing the right thing and i need to find a middle ground with her. I feel like an AH? I feel like financial compatibility is extremely important and I don’t think she and I value the same things when it comes to money and family. AITA for calling of the wedding and breaking up?
This is what people had to say to OP:
LadyDerri said:
NTA. You two are not compatible. You were right to call off the wedding.
Equivalent-Bug1798 said:
NTA. You are clearly not on the same page financially. Honestly I think the finance and goals conversation should have happened before getting engaged but at least you know now. I don't think you are compatible and should probably end the relationship.
OP responded:
You’re right, I should’ve had these conversations deeper earlier on but better now than later
friendlily said:
NTA. Financial incompatibility is a huge issue that creates resentment and ends marriages. Plus, her sheer audacity and entitlement to demand you stop helping your brother while she's trying to use your money to pay for a wedding she will not financially contribute to because she doesn't save anything. You're smart to end it. Your mom and sister are wrong.
LieDry7854 said:
NTA. You really dodge a bullet. If she is not capable to save at least half, how will she be able to handle financial situations in your marriage. Let alone helping family. I hope you are able to help your bro as much as you can
OP responded:
Thank you! I feel like my family think I’m some super old guy that need to marry anyone willing. I’m happy to wait it out. I feel like we’d too many financial disagreements in our marriage
And Low_Temperature9593 said:
NTA. Financial incompatibility is one of the most common reasons for divorce, so you are right to at least put the breaks on. Perhaps you two could have eventually sorted out the finances and gotten on the same page.
BUT her sense of entitlement to your finances is a huge red flag, as is her attitude towards the assistance you're providing your family. So yeah, I think you're making the right choice here.