Engagement canceled as bride questions relationship after future SIL steals her ring. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to let my future SIL wear my late grandma’s ring 'just for photos' and canceling our engagement party after it went missing?"
I (27F) got engaged to “Mark” (28M). My grandma passed last year and left me her sapphire engagement ring with a short letter: “Wear this only if you’re choosing someone who protects what matters.” It means a lot to me.
Mark’s sister “Kayla” (24F) does fashion content. At dinner last week, she asked to wear my ring for “a quick bridal shoot” since her ring “reads a little chunky on camera.” I said no. It’s sentimental, uninsured, and not sized for her.
Two days later, we’re at MIL’s house setting up for our small engagement party. I went to the guest room where I left my jewelry travel case inside a zipped tote. Case was open. Ring gone.
Group chat pings. Kayla sends a boomerang of a hand with my ring, captioned “couldn’t resist, it’s perfect.” I told her to bring it back now. She replied she “just ran to her nail appointment” and the ring was “with the stylist for content.” I said there was no permission. Bring it back.
Mark told me to “breathe” and that “it’s staying in the family.” I grabbed my keys. Kayla finally sent the salon address after I said I’d file a report. Stylist handed it over in a tissue. One prong looked bent and there’s a small chip on the side stone I don’t remember seeing.
I cried in the car, went straight to the bank, rented a safe deposit box, and put the ring away. Then I texted the family that the party was canceled. I wasn’t hosting photos with people who took my stuff while I was in the same house.
Now it’s a storm. MIL says I “humiliated” Kayla over a “mix-up.” Kayla posted a story about “gatekeeping joy.” Mark says I “overreacted,” and that “we can fix a prong.” He’s at his mom’s “cooling off.” I told him the issue isn’t the prong. It’s trust.
He wants me to apologize and “reschedule when I’m calmer.” I said I’ll reschedule when the ring repairs are paid for, Kayla posts a public correction, and Mark backs me on boundaries. He says I’m turning a happy moment into “drama.” AITA?
The OP then. returned several hours later with a brief update.
I called a jeweler and they confirmed the prong is bent and there’s a small chip on a side stone. They have an estimate on hand. Mark says he’ll “talk to Kayla,” but he still wants me to apologize first so she’s “receptive.” I said no apology while my property was taken without consent and damaged.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Why do you want him or this family? They sound awful. You will never be a priority. If you have kids, he will always let his family walk all over you. This is it for the REST OF YOUR LIFE - is that really what you want? A "man child" that runs to his mommy when you stand up for yourself against a thief?
Fit-Experience4499 (OP)
Yeah… that’s been in the back of my mind since this happened. I knew they had boundary issues, but seeing how quickly he defaulted to siding with them over something this blatant was very eye opening. I’m not ignoring it. This whole thing has me seriously rethinking what a future with him (and them) would actually look like.
This guy is not protecting what matters.
Fit-Experience4499 (OP)
Exactly. That line from my grandma’s letter has been replaying nonstop in my head since this happened. I’m realizing she didn’t just mean the ring, she meant me.
NTA. Let me get this straight , your Fiancé's family are guilt tripping you when his sister stole your property. Even worse, your fiance isn't having your back. Why are you underplaying this? I would have got the Police involved and cancelled the Wedding, not just the party. Are you really sure you want to be a part of this family?
Fit-Experience4499 (OP)
Yeah… you’re not wrong. I think part of me is underplaying it because I don’t want to fully admit how messed up it is that my fiancé didn’t have my back here. If a stranger did this, I’d have called the police without hesitation. I’m starting to realize the ring isn’t the only thing I need to put in a safe deposit box.
Your grandma said "Wear this only if you’re choosing someone who protects what matters." Mark does not sound like he fits that criteria.
Fit-Experience4499 (OP)
Yeah. That line has been replaying in my head a lot since this happened. It’s hard to see someone as a lifelong partner when the first big test of protecting something that matters to me was treated like an overreaction.
NTA. But don't you see your grandma is protecting you? "only marry someone who protects what matters". The ring matters to you and he didn't care. It couldn't be any clearer: don't marry this pos and his family.
Imaging you saying no to online pictures of your kid... No one is ever going to respect it because your "dear" husband says it's okay they plaster their SM with the kids. If they ever want money from you and husband you won't get to say no. And if you do, he just give it out anyway....Don't. Marry. Him!
How is this a "mix-up". She asked if she could use it, you clearly stated NO, and gave valid reasons (not that you needed too, it's your property). She searched through more of your property and took it anyway.
She didn't bring it back you went to get it, she left it with someone else? She should fix it and I'd be done with all of them. He should have told his mom and sister she stole from you and its HIS SISTER who owes you the apology not the other way around.
If they can't clearly see this is the sisters fault and they all apologize I would call it over. Ask him so your sister asked him to borrow his car and after he said no she went into his room, into his coat pocket and took the keys and took his car would he have a problem with that?
Why would you want to be engaged to a Thief's Accomplice? Looking forward to the inevitable "oh I just borrowed your Wedding Ring/Diamond Necklace/Expensive Dress" and his defense of the behavior? Maybe honor Grandma's wishes and choose someone who doesn't Defend Theft and Demand Apologies TO THE THIEF.