'AITA for canceling plans with my friend after finding out he put a tracker on my phone?' UPDATED

"AITA for canceling plans with my friend after finding out he put a tracker on my phone?"

I (21F) and my friend (21M) are home form college. We went to different high schools but we were friends through clubs and extracurricular. We had a friend group senior year that we both hung out in. The friend group died off but we have stayed somewhat in touch and see each other a few times each summer for lunch to catch up.

Anyways, we were on the phone about 2 weeks ago and made plans to chill, grab pizza, and listen to music. We were snap chatting old friends and he snaps some of them back through my phone. I dont think much of handing my phone to him to reply. I mean ive even friends with this guy for a while now and we've hung out, so were like decently close i guess.

The other day he texted joking about how i need a better sleep schedule since i was up till 4am. I laughed it off and said yea i was up till 6am studying. I asked how he knew and he just laughed it off and made a joke. I didnt think much of it cuz I know Instagram and snap sometimes shows when you were last active on the app.

Anyways today, he texted me joking that I need to charge my phone. I was at 2% and was weirded out by how he knew that. Again he just laughed it off and made a joke. I was like wtf did you share my location or find my iphone? he said no and said he'd explain tonight (we had plans to grab food). I was kinda weirded out but he kept joking. I check find my iphone and locations and nothing is shared.

I then realize that on snap he had "ghost mode" disable and shared my location with himself. When I asked him about it he denied it and didnt admit to it till I sent a screenshot. i expressed how weird that was but he was joking though it and saying see you later. I've been ignoring his calls and texts since, and he's spamming apologies.

I was talking to one of my friends (21F our mutual friend) and she was weirded out at first but laughed it off. She said its weird but he was clearly just messing around and I'm being an major AH for blowing it up when it was totally harmless.

And that I was being an AH for ignoring his calls and apology texts because he clearly didn't mean it since he's panicking that I'm mad. I'm not necessarily mad im just totally weirded out and feel like my privacy has been invaded the past 2 weeks. IDK how to feel

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

penguin_squeak said:

No, NTA. Stalking is never something you should blow off and it is not harmless. You need better friends.

lkvwfurry said:

Block him and never speak to him again. That's very wrong and creepy. NTA

starunner said:

WTF??? I'd be so freaked out. That's creepy and a huge invasion of your privacy. I would stay very far away from him. NTA.

OP responded:

bro like he knows where I live and everything. I dont believe he would do anything bad to me or anything. But I'm just so weirded out by this idk if I can have the same level of comfort i did around him

[deleted] said:

NTA. I'd feel completely creeped out and stalked. Joke, my ample cheeks! I hope your phone notifies you when he decides to hide an AirTag in your car.

OP responded:

I literally made a joke about being air tagged and he texted back saying lmao imaginneee...i literally said I wouldn't put it past you. Like even if I forgave I dont think I could ever feel comfortable again

genus-corvidae said:

You know he wasn't planning to tell you, right? You weren't supposed to find out. He was planning to track you until you had to replace your phone, and then get ahold of your new one to put a tracker in that. NTA. He's not your friend, and you need to distance yourself for your own safety.

BaronsDad said:

NTA. Major red flags. Let people know what he did. Don’t let anyone else you know get violated like you were. What he did was very dangerous. If he was truly remorseful and was joking around, he would have thought it through, apologized already, and acknowledged how bad it was

OP responded:

I think he sensed I was creeped out and texted apologizing and is spam calling. My friend said I was being a bit of an AH for not responding to his calls or texts and not giving him the chance to apologize. I feel bad cuz his texts seem panicked that he lost me as a friend bc of this

i dont feel bad anymore. What he initially said was "Im sorry please dont hate me" "Youre making me nervous" followed by multiple "please". I think I expected him to apologize based on his initial reaction. Like a long text or something considering he admitted to doing something wrong ie the initial apology. But no.

All he did was spam call me when I ignored his text. Texted me "hellooo" a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch" around the time we were supposed to meet up. And then a few more calls.

No apology. No long text. No "hey are you mad at me can we talk". Not even an "hey why are you ignoring me lets clear this up". NOTHING. unless hes been drafting a text in his notes app over the past 4 hours... A part of me wonders if he's scared to text because he doesnt want to further incriminate himself, hence the calling vs texting

Later, OP shared this UPDATE:

First off thank you to everyone for the support and advice. I really didn’t expect this to get as big as it did. I had checked through my phone and my settings last night, and nothing else was out of the ordinary. This morning I had a virtual meeting with Apple and they virtually went through my phone and ran diagnostics on it. Everything came up clean.

They had me go to an in store appointment and still didn’t find any malware or mirroring apps or anything like that. They said since I was around him when he had my phone, and he never left the room with it, the chances of him downloading something super advanced would be slim since he would have to hook it up to a physical computer.

So it was only the snapchat thing. Which would also make sense based on his comments- as a few people mentioned, when your location is shared on Snap, the person its shared with can see when you were last active on the app, and if your battery is under 10% it shows your bitmoji on maps holding a charger or smn like that.

Regarding the guy himself, he hasn’t contacted me today. I had mentioned this in a few posts but i’ll add it here too. When I originally caught what he did he initially said was "Im sorry please dont hate me" "Youre making me nervous" followed by multiple "please”s and some calls. All ignored.

Around the time we were supposed to meet up he called me a few more times and texted me "hellooo”, a picture of his dog, and "ill pay for lunch”. Again, I ignored. I still sorta expected SOMETHING. Like a long text considering he admitted to doing something wrong ie the initial panic and apology. But no.

Even if not an apology text…a chance to let him clear the situation, an explanation for his actions, him saying its a prank, ANYTHING. Not even today. A part of me wonders if he's scared to text because he doesnt want to further incriminate himself, hence the calling vs texting. But frankly idc

Regardless of what he has to say or any reasoning, I cant imagine being in contact with him again after this. Some poeple brought up the point of how a lot of people have their location public and shared to everyone-but I’m not one of them. And for me, its a bit deeper than that. It more so the principle behind his actions. He had an intrusive thought to disable my privacy settings, and acted upon those thoughts.

Who knows what other intrusive thoughts he may act upon in the future and what other boundaries he may cross in the process for the sake of “a joke”. He proceeding to share my location with himself without my knowledge or consent, and kept it going for 2 weeks…but who knows how long he would have kept it on for.