'AITA for canceling my SIL's $8K wedding venue 2 days before her wedding?'
"AITA for canceling my SIL's $8K wedding venue 2 days before her wedding?"
I cancelled my sister-in-law's wedding venue two days before her big day and I don't feel bad about it at all. This whole mess started six months ago when my husband's sister got engaged.
She was planning this huge wedding. Like 200 guests, destination venue, the whole nine yards. But here's the thing. She and her fiancé don't have money. At all. They're both in their late twenties and still living with his parents.
My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for five. We're comfortable. I work in tech and make good money. He's a teacher. We split everything fairly but yeah, I'm the higher earner by a lot.
His family has always been weird about it. Little comments here and there. His mom once said it was "unnatural" for the wife to make more. His dad asked if my husband felt "emasculated."
I usually just ignored it because my husband always had my back.
Or so I thought.
The wedding planning was going nowhere because his sister couldn't afford the venue she wanted. It was this fancy barn place, like $8,000 just for the deposit. She was crying at every family dinner about how her dream wedding was falling apart.
Then my husband came to me one night. He sat me down and said his family was hoping we could help. I asked what kind of help. He said maybe we could cover the venue deposit.
I was hesitant. That's a lot of money. But he kept pushing. He said it would mean so much to his sister. That family helps family. That we could afford it. I said fine. But I had one condition. The deposit would be in my name. If anything went wrong, I could get the money back. My husband agreed. Said that was smart actually.
So I paid the $8,000. His sister was overjoyed. Hugging me, crying, saying I was the best sister-in-law ever. His parents thanked me like twenty times. Two weeks later, I found out the truth.
I came home early from a work trip. Walked into our house and heard voices upstairs. I went up and found my husband in our bedroom with his ex-girlfriend. They were in our bed.
I won't go into details but it was bad. Really bad. I stood there frozen and he scrambled up trying to explain. She grabbed her clothes and ran past me. He followed me downstairs begging me to listen.
He said it was a mistake. That they'd reconnected on social media a month ago. That it only happened twice. That he loved me and wanted to work on our marriage. I told him to get out. He left that night.
The next day I called a lawyer. Started divorce proceedings immediately. I wasn't interested in trying to fix anything. He cheated. We were done. His family lost their minds when they found out we were separating. But not because they felt bad for me. Because they were worried about the wedding money.
His mom called me three days after I kicked him out. She asked if we were "really" getting divorced or if we were just taking a break. I told her it was really happening. She was quiet for a second, then said, "Well, you're still going to honor your commitment to the wedding, right?"
I couldn't believe it. I said I'd think about it and hung up. Then his sister called. She was crying but it felt manipulative. She said she was sorry about what happened but her wedding had nothing to do with my marriage. That I'd made a promise. That I couldn't back out now because they'd already sent invitations and made plans based on having that venue.
I told her I hadn't decided anything yet. She said, "You can't be that petty. This is my wedding. My special day. You're really going to ruin it because you're mad at my brother?" That pissed me off but I still didn't make a decision. I told her I needed time.
A week later, my husband came to get some of his stuff from the house. We barely spoke. But as he was leaving, he said, "You know, my family is right. You should still pay for the wedding. It's the decent thing to do."
I just stared at him.
He kept going. "I know I messed up. But taking it out on my sister isn't fair. She didn't do anything wrong." I asked if he was serious. He said yes. That backing out of the wedding would make me look vindictive and petty. That people would think I was a bad person.
That's when his mom called again. But this time she wasn't nice about it. She said I was being selfish. That I was punishing an innocent girl for her brother's mistakes. Then she said something that made my blood boil.
"You know, we always knew you were a gold digger. You probably wanted this marriage to fall apart so you could take half of everything. But you're not taking our daughter's wedding down with you."
A gold digger. Me. The person who paid for their daughter's venue. The person who made more money than her son ever did.
I was so angry I hung up without saying anything.
But that comment stuck with me. I realized something. His whole family thought I was some opportunist using my husband for financial gain, even though I was the one with money. They never respected me. They just tolerated me because I was useful.
The wedding was in three months at that point. I let them think everything was fine.
I didn't bring it up again. Didn't respond to messages asking about it. Just went quiet.
Meanwhile, the divorce was moving forward. My husband tried to drag it out, but my lawyer was good. We were going to be officially done about a month after the wedding date.
His sister kept planning. She'd occasionally text me updates, which was weird considering I was divorcing her brother. Things like "Just finalized the catering" and "Found my dress." I think she was trying to keep me invested so I wouldn't pull the plug.
I let her think it was working.
Two months went by. The wedding was getting close. I saw on social media that his sister was posting about final preparations. Dress fittings. Bachelorette party. Seating charts.
My soon-to-be ex-husband moved in with his parents. I heard through mutual friends that his family was planning to pressure me at the wedding to "reconsider" the divorce. Like they thought seeing everyone happy would make me forget he cheated. That made my decision easier.
Three weeks before the wedding, I looked up the cancellation policy for the venue. Turns out you could get 80% of your deposit back if you cancelled more than 72 hours in advance. After that, you got nothing.
I waited.
His sister sent me a text two weeks before asking if I wanted to come to the wedding. I said I'd think about it. She said it would "mean a lot" if I was there to see how my "contribution" made her day possible. The audacity.
One week before the wedding, his mom called. She was nice again. Fake nice. Asked how I was doing. Said she hoped there were no hard feelings. Then casually mentioned how beautiful the venue was and how grateful they were that I'd made it possible.
I said something noncommittal and got off the phone. Four days before the wedding, his sister posted a countdown on social media. She was so excited. Her comments were full of congratulations.
I called the venue that afternoon. Told them I needed to cancel. They were surprised since it was so close to the date, but I was still within the 72-hour window. Barely. They processed the cancellation. I got $6,400 back. The venue called his sister an hour later to let her know.
All hell broke loose.
My phone exploded with calls and texts. His sister was screaming on voicemail. Saying I was evil. That I'd ruined her life. That everyone was already traveling to the wedding. That she had nowhere to get married now.
His mom left a message calling me every name in the book. Said I was a spiteful, vindictive person. That karma would get me. His dad texted saying I'd stooped to a new low. That I was proving I never really cared about their family.
My husband called twice but I didn't answer. He left a voicemail saying he couldn't believe I'd do something so cruel. That his sister was "hysterical" and it was all my fault. I didn't respond to any of them.
Apparently his sister tried to find another venue but everything was booked or way too expensive for last-minute booking. They ended up having the ceremony in his parents' backyard and the reception in a community center.
From what I heard, about half the guests showed up. The rest had already made travel plans they couldn't change or just decided it wasn't worth it anymore. The whole thing was apparently a disaster. Mismatched decorations. Folding chairs. Someone's phone playing music instead of a DJ.
His sister posted one photo from the wedding on social media. You could tell she'd been crying. The caption was something like "Not the day I planned but married the love of my life." The comments were full of people asking what happened.
Some mutual friends reached out to me after. A couple said I went too far. That his sister didn't deserve that. Others said they understood why I did it but maybe I should have given her more warning.
One friend told me his sister has been telling everyone I'm a monster who destroyed her wedding out of spite. That the family has completely cut me off, which is fine by me since the divorce is almost final anyway.
My lawyer said what I did was completely legal since the deposit was in my name and I was within the cancellation window. But she also said it probably didn't help my "image" in the divorce proceedings, though it won't really matter since we didn't have kids and assets are pretty straightforward.
My own family is split. My mom thinks I did the right thing. Said his family deserved it after how they treated me. My dad thinks I should have been the bigger person and let the wedding happen. That revenge isn't worth it.
Part of me feels justified. They called me a gold digger after I gave them money. They made it clear they never respected me. They expected me to bankroll their event while my marriage was falling apart because of their son's choices.
But another part of me knows I did cause a lot of collateral damage. His sister really didn't cheat on me. Neither did his parents. They were just entitled and rude. Maybe cancelling the venue was too far. Maybe I should have just asked for the money back earlier instead of waiting until the last possible moment.
I don't know anymore. The divorce is almost done. I've moved on with my life. But I still think about that cancelled wedding sometimes. So after everything that happened, was I actually in the wrong for pulling the plug when I did?