'AITA for canceling all of our streaming services to hire a housekeeper without asking my husband first?'
"AITA for canceling all of our streaming services to hire a housekeeper without asking my husband first?"
kkokay5505
My (28f) and my husband (30m) just welcomed our first baby almost 3 months ago. Understandably it has been a huge adjustment for both of us. She’s still not sleeping through the night and we’re both back to work full time. We have always split the household responsibilities 50/50. We just help where needed and it’s always worked out well.
Lately, my husband has been doing the chores terribly and I’ve had to come behind him to fix things or clean them again. For example, he cleaned the bottles the other night and they were cleaned so poorly I had to do them again.
He dropped pump parts down the disposal and then ran it ruining them. There have been several clothes that he didn’t clean after a blowout that are now ruined. There are many more instances like this.
I’ve confronted him a few times letting him know we all make mistakes and I know we’re both tired but it feels like he’s not even trying to do things well. He just keeps saying he’s so tired and is having a hard time working and taking care of the house and baby. I do sympathize with this as I’m also working, pumping, recovering, and taking care of the house and baby.
The final straw for me was when he told me to go to sleep and he’d put up the milk I’d just pumped and finish the dishes. I was so grateful until I got up and realized the milk had been sitting on the counter and at this point was no good anymore.
He said he was sorry and he put on a show to relax for a bit before doing the dishes and fell asleep. The next day I decided to cancel all of our streaming services, PlayStation plus, and our theme park passes in order to hire a housekeeper.
I figured if he’s too tired to do basic household chores than a housekeeper is necessary. If he’s too tired to put milk up, then he’s too tired to play video games or for us to go to a theme park.
We still have cable and the PlayStation games and can do other activities outside of the local theme park. He blew up at me and said I had no right doing that and was furious.
I thought I was doing us a favor so we can get more sleep and not worry as much about household tasks. So AITAH for hiring a housekeeper without asking?
Edit to add: I see a lot of comments about communication. I have been communicating NONSTOP about my needs and my expectations. Ive let a lot of mistakes slide because I know this is hard for both of us, but when it became a daily thing I let him know if he’s unable to do his part, then I need additional help.
I mentioned hiring some help, and he laughed and said “what a ridiculous waste of money.” I knew if I asked again, the answer would be no, so I made the decision for both of us.
Also, I didn’t throw away the tv or PlayStation. I just canceled our subscriptions for them. We were paying around $100 between the two. Our internet includes a handful of cable channels and peacock and we have plenty of PlayStation games that we can still play.
We both play video games and watch tv. I probably watch more on steaming so canceling them affects both of us. Housekeeping is $300 a month and everything I canceled including Disney passes is about $230 so it won’t be as much of a financial burden. Plus it will save more money as well since I won’t have to replace destroyed pump parts, clothes, and breast milk.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
badassmillz
Wait ... Did you cancel these things in order to AFFORD the cleaner service? Or did you cancel it because you think it's taking up "time"...
kkokay5505 (OP)
Yes I did it to afford it.
No_Lychee_7534
OP, from someone who went through this with twins, what you are going through is normal when the babies come home. It’s exhaustion, depression, etc… I did eventually get a nanny after my wife keep asking for one.
What you have to realize is that not everyone handle being sleep deprived the same way. In my household it was the opposite. I’m used to operating with less sleep due to work. My wife wasn’t. You have two zombies walking around and annoying each other and the infant doesn’t help.
You should have discussed this as a couple and came to this decision. Canceling everything was a power move to punish him for making mistakes. If it wasn’t, why did you just do it without talking it out first?
I gave in to a Nanny even though I didn’t think I need it. But at the end of the day it was for the sanity of my wife. You have to work as a team. Get through the next 6 months somehow and you will be golden. YTA, sorry.
manickittens
If ANYTHING it’s an “ESH” scenario. She literally just birthed a whole human and has wild hormones, PLUS she’s obviously breastfeeding based on him ruining the milk she pumped. He did none of that- of course he’s tired but his body isn’t going through half of what hers is.
Ctrlwud
Some people are weaker than others. I have to remind myself that no, not all people can work 12 hour shifts and still be functional afterwards. People are different. They aren't lesser than me because they can't handle what I can. I would be an ahole if I expected everyone to react to physical or emotional stress like I do.
Lumpy-Collection-139
He shouldn't have reassured her that he would get it done if this is the excuse we're going with.