'AITA for canceling a vacation I planned for my friends?' 'They kept joking that I'm the mom.'
"AITA for canceling a vacation I planned for my friends after they kept joking that I’m the 'mom' of the group?"
I (F30) have always been the planner in my friend group. I enjoy organizing trips, events, and making sure everyone is included and has a good time. Over the years, I’ve planned several vacations, dinners, and parties, and it’s always been something I genuinely liked doing—until recently.
Lately, my friends have started calling me the "mom" of the group, and at first, I laughed it off. But it’s become this running joke where they make comments like, “Oh, you’re the one always making sure we’re on time” or “You’ll take care of the details, we don’t need to worry.”
It’s even gone as far as them teasingly calling me "Mom" in group texts. What started as light-hearted has begun to feel like they take me for granted, expecting me to always handle everything. We had a trip coming up, one I had spent a lot of time organizing: booking the Airbnb, arranging transportation, and researching activities.
I thought my friends would at least pitch in or show some appreciation. Instead, the jokes kept coming, and nobody offered to help with any of the planning or logistics. So, I reached a breaking point. I canceled the entire vacation. I told them I was tired of being the default planner and that I wanted them to take responsibility for once.
Now, they’re upset with me, saying I overreacted and ruined our trip for no reason. Some even said that I was being "dramatic" and that the “mom” jokes were all in good fun. I feel conflicted.
On one hand, I don’t want to be the one always expected to plan everything, but on the other, I know canceling the trip affected everyone’s plans. AITA for canceling the vacation because I was tired of being treated like the "mom" of the group?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
This_Grab_452 said:
YTA. Adults use words. Instead of laughing off the jokes you could have said “guys, this is too much, I’m not having fun." You didn’t communicate your discomfort and let things blow up. Yep, it was dramatic and totally avoidable.
Spiritual_Garden1237 said:
YTA. Do you lack the ability to communicate like an adult? you said you’ve always been the planner, have you at any point communicated that you’d like to pass the baton to someone else?
Have you also told them that the jokes irk you and you feel taken advantage of? considering that your friends and myself think this WAS a dramatic reaction i’m going to go ahead and say no. idk why you couldn’t just communicate, could’ve avoided all of this.
ExPatAm said:
ESH, leaning Y T A. They were making you the butt of the joke and not showing any care for your feelings (even if you didn't express them out right I feel like they might have noticed some hints. Your feelings were and are valid. But you went nuclear so a bit more on you here.
My group had this problem. There is a comedian called Geraldine Hickey who has a bit about how every group of girlfriends has 'the Nicole' of the group. Look it up, it's very funny. But the Nicole of my group shared it for a laugh and we all watched it and realized oh it sounds like a lot bigger mental load than we had clocked, let's offer to help a bit more.
But because it was off the back of this comedy routine it was light and easy and not awkward or anything, it helped the conversation along. We just started being a bit more equitable.
gemma0718 said:
YTA for not just talking to them about how you felt before reaching breaking point. YOU made the shift between jokes and enjoying the planning to getting tired of it. They’re not mind readers. Extreme reaction where it simply wasn’t necessary. If you had made your feelings clear and they still carried on, that would have been your cue to cancel the trip.
beentherealmostdid said:
YTA. Sometimes people need to be told where the line is. It would have been way more beneficial to make your feelings crystal clear and ask for help. You're not wrong for being upset, you're wrong for taking the nuclear option when a more reasonable approach would have been much more productive.
EscapeAny2828 said:
YTA for going straight to the nuclear option. You are an adult.