'AITA for canceling my vow renewal ceremony and going more private?'
"AITA for canceling my vow renewal ceremony and going more private?"
I(35f) and my husband(35m) were teens when we met. We were planning a wedding and at 19yrs old I became pregnant. At the time, we lived with my dad and he threatened to kick us out if we didn't get married ASAP.
This is after I bought the dress and all that but it was still a courthouse wedding. We are coming up on our 15yrs married this year and I wanted to have a little event at our new property to celebrate it.
I announced that we were planning for Halloween (we are goth/witchy) back in January. My sister (30f) and her husband had their vow renewal last weekend (3yrs married). It was beautiful and sweet, I'm happy for her. However, She has assumed the role of wedding planner for my vow renewal.
So far she has suggested I change the date to something more suitable for our dad. My dad and his wife moved 3hrs away where it snows all the time, She's suggested I use her house for the venue, and even sending me dresses she thinks I should wear.. She has told me "this isn't about you, it's about being considerate of others."
Me in all my stubborn glory said "You know what, you're right, it's not about me, it's about Dad, so I'll just do something more private and intimate with 2 close friends instead."
Now, the idea of going somewhere random into the woods with 2-3 friends, getting all dressed up and doing a small ceremony sounds AMAZING and less drama. So, AITA if I cancelled it all and had the fall/halloween theme in the woods without telling anyone else?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Independent-Moose113 wrote:
No, you will NOT be the AH. This renewal is about you and your husband, and...your Dad. I like your idea! And, congratulations on making it 15 years after marrying so young! Also, it's interesting your sister did a renewal after only 3 years?
OP responded:
They're quite extra at the best of times.
Booby_Slap0506 wrote:
NTA, but really think about what you want for your event. It can be something tiny and private or you can have an intimate gathering with close family and friends. Your celebration is about YOU, and should not be planned for anyone else.
If you want your original plan, I would suggest letting your sister know that you and your husband have some ideas on what you want to do and while you have appreciated her help with planning, you would really like to take the wheel on this one. Have your Halloween renewal. It'll be something fun to remember!
Perfect_Forever1700 wrote:
There is only one thing with this, your Dad will miss out from your sisters actions. He hasn’t really done much wrong on this occasion. Maybe speak to him first and see how he feels. Will the original option work for him.
And stick to original plans. If there’s any pushback then go with the new idea. This of course is entirely you’re choice though. As even doing the other option (woods) doesn’t make you an AH.
Ill_dragonfly_6673 wrote:
Your wedding was about doing what other people expected. This is about you and your husband and what you want. If someone who is invited, doesn’t approve of any details your celebration then they are free to decline the invitation.
Please tell your sister that this is most definitely about you and she can shove her opinions you know where.
Going to the woods with a few people sounds good but why not do what you originally wanted to do? NTA.
Luv-Mn wrote:
Do your renewal your way. Your Dad pushed the first wedding on you his way, now it’s your turn to have your dream. Tell people that you would like to have there and then they can decide if they are able to make it or not.
If your sister can’t help by doing things that you ask her to help with, I’m sure you have friends that would be more than willing to help you pull it off. Whether big or small make it for you and your husband.
ZweitenMal wrote:
They don’t need renewing. Just have a big, gothy, fun, witchy Halloween party as a 15-year anniversary celebration. And tell your sister to take a hike. You don’t need her help, you are perfectly capable of planning the party that’s right for you. Sounds like she’s a wedding addict.
CharacterAerie1915 wrote:
NTA is your life, your vows, your marriage. And may I say, congrats on making it last so long. May we all be so lucky (I probably never will be, I am an acquired taste). But for what it's worth, many peaceful years for you all. Don't need a wedding planner for a vow renewal? It's not a wedding after all. Just hit her with that logic.
Also hit her with a "if it's not about me, guess I shouldn't show up then." If you are feeling petty like I would be (I'm a 26m for the record and people like her I love to fuck with. Hearts in the right place, sure. Shame the sense of self-importance has overridden all brain activity required to undertake the task at hand).
Edit: reread it and your response was just the right amount of petty and pragmatic. Love it. Husband is a lucky guy.
Ok_Sell5620 wrote:
Honestly no one cares about your vow renewal. Have the celebration you want.
OP responded:
That was how I felt too. Like, I care and my husband cares...my kids probably couldn't care less lmao let alone everyone but like, 2 people I know.
hypotheticalkazoos wrote:
NTA. Some people view weddings as the joining of families, some view them as the joining of individuals. Tell her your first wedding was about everyone elses wants and needs, this one is about yours.
OP responded:
Oooo I like that.
worried_suit4820 wrote:
Way off topic, but why did your sister have a vow renewal after only 3 years? But yes, run away and have a meaningful ceremony in the woods with your close friends.
OP responded:
I honestly have no clue, I just went, supported, didn't ask questions lol