Man ends engagement after fiancée reveals post-weight loss fantasies of dating 'someone hotter.' AITA?
"AITA for breaking with my fiancée and canceling the wedding after she admitted to having fantasies of doing better than me after her weight loss journey?"
My fiancée (27F) and I (27M) were together for almost 9 years. I proposed to her a couple of years ago, and I really loved her a lot. After my proposal, she started her weight loss journey, and asked if we could set the wedding date only after she reached her goal.
I supported her through her journey, and I was really proud of the progress she made. She lost more than a 100 pounds, and while she still looked great before, she looked gorgeous after her journey.
She was also upfront with me, and admitted she was getting a lot more attention now, and it was the most attention she has ever gotten in her life. It did make me somewhat insecure.
She even said that a really cute guy at the grocery store complimented her tattoo once, and asked for her number, even though he could see her engagement ring. However, my fiancée told me she rejected him.
One night, when she was super drunk, she admitted she sometimes got dreams of getting a hot, tall finance guy. But after seeing my reaction to that, my fiancée instantly apologised.
A lot of these insecurities were building up on me, and I did speak with my best friend and asked her if this was normal. And she said it wasn’t normal at all, and what myfiancée was doing was not ok.
Last week, I admitted to my fiancée I couldn’t do it anymore. My fiancée was shocked and apologised a lot and started crying. I was surprised with her reaction, because she did admit to wanting a better guy than me.
My fiancée told me she was just proud of the progress she made, and that I was the only one she loved and would ever love. She did kind of freak out a lot, and asked if I was influenced by my best friend, and I told her honestly that yes, I did seek external advice, because my insecurities were just eating me up inside.
My fiancée did tell me she would never do it again. She was crying a lot and it looked like she was having a panic attack, and I was honestly worried about her, so I told her I would think about it.
Because I just wanted my fiancee to calm down at that moment, because I think what I said just shocked her a lot. However, the next day, when she did calm down a bit, I told her my decision was final, and that I just have lost a lot of love of her. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. In my mind there isnt a woman alive better than my wife. Idc if I was back to my competition weight and making a quarter million a year, there is no woman alive id want more than her. Your ex fiancé lost some weight and got some attention and her first thought that these other men were better than you? Yea eff that. She never really loved you. When you love someone, no one is "better" than them.
Let me tell you a story. Myself and my husband have been quite overweight (obese at some point) since we met, moreso myself. Over the past 8-9 months we both got into semi-serious work out and we look nothing like before, and I too have been getting some more attention in the streets since I feel a lot more confident than ever.
I can tell you right here right now that I’ve never EVER fantasized about ‘getting someone better’ than my husband because I love him, I want to be with him, I don’t care about someone else’s attention and love. So, no, you’re not overreacting and what she did was awful in many levels. You’re right to protect yourself, as you should. NTA, and I’m sorry she did you dirty like this, you don’t deserve it.
NTA - when she said she had fantasies about doing better, she was telling the truth. it may not be now, it may be in 10 years but one day she will give in. Sorry for your loss bro. So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
I know people who have had weight loss surgery while in married. They get confident and feel good about themselves and want different things. They start wanting to go out and do things they didn’t feel confident doing before. They started living seperate lives. They are now married to other people.
NTA. Sorry, that this happened to you. Seems like she has to find out, who she really is and what she wants. Such a kind of transformation can change a person. Most likely she will notice, she already had the best man at her side and will regret loosing you. But most likely it's too late when she notices that.
Sounds like she was only with you because she thought she could not do better.
NTA. I'm on a huge weight loss journey and I want to look better for myself and my husband. When I imagine myself healthier and smaller, I imagine all the things me and my husband could do, not with strangers.
You are absolutely NTA in this situation. Your fiancée’s behavior was hurtful and disrespectful, and it’s completely valid that you felt insecure and ultimately decided to end the relationship.
She admitted to having fantasies of a “better” guy, which is a major red flag in a committed relationship. While her weight loss journey is commendable, it doesn’t give her a free pass to disregard your feelings and make you feel inadequate.
NTA. It sounds like your feelings were valid, and you tried to communicate them with your fiancée. It’s understandable that her admissions of fantasizing about someone “better” than you, especially after a big life change, would make you feel insecure.
She apologized, but her initial comments were hurtful, and you took time to reflect before making a decision. Ending the relationship isn’t easy, but it’s clear you were struggling with trust and emotional safety. It’s important to prioritize your mental health and well-being.