'AITA if I cancelled babysitting for $3 an hour, 48 hours before they needed me?' + 2 UPDATES

"WIBTA if I cancelled babysitting for $3 an hour, 48 hours before they needed me?"

My fiance's step family asked me randomly one day to babysit their 7yo male, like 8 hours before they needed me, so at about 11pm and wanted me at like 6am. Last minute and late, wasn't happy but I figured I should to help out family.

The mother (K) didn't come back until 2pm. She said it was a short thing for like a couple of hours and she'd be home at 10. Clearly that didn't happen. She brushed me off and handed me 20 and told me to have a nice day pretty much rushing me out of the house then.

I figured it was a one and done no big deal and let it go. It was a kind thing to do. Well I get a phone call from his grandma (H) days later, my fiance's step mom, wanting me to now be his permeant babysitter. I say I need specific days and hours so I know what I am doing or if I have plans.

The comments were like "what does it matter you don't have a job anyway." And "you should always be available if you aren't working and don't have kids. " I was annoyed, I have health issues making it hard to get a job right now and she knows it but it's whatever.

She gets back to me and wants me from 7am to 4pm mon, wed, and Fri for the foreseeable future. I'm thinking 10 (edit: it's 9 I can't count) hours a day won't be the worst, he has eLearning and everything so that should be fine.

Then she slips in while discussing his schedule it's 30 a day and that's more than fair then changes topics before I can make a comment. She brushes off my attempts to bring it up then suddenly had to go and she'd see me Friday and hung up.

I talked to my fiance and he thinks it's way too low for pay for handling a 7yo, waking him up, making breakfast, lunch, getting his school work done, playing IT when the online classroom fails, troubleshooting all other problems, plus babysitting the two dogs in the home.

Reason why I was dealing with H instead of K is K doesn't bother to talk to her step brother, my fiance, really ever since she feels she is better than him. I honestly tried to bring up the money thing with H when getting exacts on days and times since I do have plans one Friday that I planned a month ago and it's two weeks away still.

I got blown off and made to feel like I was a problem letting them know two weeks in advance I can't watch the kid. There's more family drama idk if it's related but it's pretty much the members of my fiance's family don't respect him and he gets treated like he's 13. He is 27 like I am. And they treat him like crap.

So I am now wondering if I should even bother? $3 an hour to babysit is way below my states minimum wage, it's a long time to babysit a child in my opinion, and they haven't been very open to talking since the call where I got told my payment and hung up on. The more I try the more I think I'm getting ghosted so they don't have to talk cash but they still get a babysitter...

WIBTA if I cancel on them 48 hours before I was asked to work for $3 an hour babysitting?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

cmcdonald51206 said:

NTA - I have2 children, both on e-learning at this time, and its difficult to just to get the logged in. The fact that they just expect you to drop anything and everything to accommodate them "because you're not working" is ridiculous.

I wouldn't even pay my oldest only $3 to watch his sister, because that's just insane to expect someone to handle so much for so little. Respect yourself and your fiance first. It seems his family is quite entitled, and if you dont nip it in the bud, it'll only get worse.

Blackstar1401 said:

NTA. Say that you cannot do it and just drop it. Don’t JADE justify, argue, defend or explain. They will just twist anything you say. “That doesn’t work for me anymore you will need to find other arrangements.” Keep repeating until they stop asking.

ppbuttpissboi said:

NTA. In fact, will you update the post once you tell them off? I’d love to know how these entitled asses react when you set it straight with them. Know your worth!

Krankhaus1221 said:

What is it with the undying loyalty to family that treats people like @$$holes? I don’t get it, I cut my entire family off. NTA

Sheepie125 said:

NTA - sounds like you should cut ties completely - they sound completely entitled, especially demanding that from the fiancé of a step grandson / step brother.
if they treated you with respect and paid at least minimum wage then you could think about doing it, but the way they treat you and $3/hr in my opinion you could just no show and I still wouldn’t think you’re an A H

Edit with more info:

I feel like I would be the @$$hole for not being kind to family and helping them out. I hate conflict and I honestly don't think telling them I need to be paid more would go over well. I think cancelling would be easier but also selfish of me since I am not working atm and I do have time I could spend there but.. i get the impending doom warning if I do agree to do this even for more cash.

For more info.: I'm an only child, so never babysat younger siblings. I have volunteered my time for a couple of years teaching 5-10yo basics like math, reading and such in my small community for college credits. No they are not aware of this.

The kid lives at Grandma's with his mom. Grandma works full-time she's only in her 40s. Mom works full time as well same age as me. My fiance is supportive of me, he wants me happy and feels bad this happened.

Originally when we got together years ago, he was no contact with his family. He just wanted a break he had told me. Since then there's been small times when he goes to see his youngest sisters who are not the problem here. Since that the family has been wanting to see me, meet me, see us for family functions and birthdays and has had what I assumed was normal contact for the past few years.

As it stands I'm starting to think they were using me as an excuse to get him to come around again. I always told my fiance it's his family and his choice and I support him like he does me. He said he wanted to spend time with them since they are his family. Now, he is saying he had been hopeful they had changed since they haven't treated me like this ever before this event.

Probably the biggest issue is yeah, I am starting to realize I am a doormat. I was raised in a family that helps others but in turn when needed my family was helped. I am seeing that this is not the same with his family. Sad part is I was thinking I was being kind to family but what I am seeing after reading your comments is I am being an idiot and need to grow a back bone when dealing with his family.

I'm not like this when I have worked, and I'm starting to see I have to work on myself and figure out my worth more. My fiance tells me this is their normal I just haven't had anything of value to them so they never tried this before, so looks like I get to text and have a conversation about this. When it settles I will update this post with the results. Thank you everyone for your comments, can't reply to them all but I am reading them for sure.

Later, she shared this update:

First off thank you everyone for your advice and comments, even the less than kind ones were read since everyone sees things differently. Also, to the amazing people who gave me awards you are very generous and I am honestly overwhelmed by how positive everyone has been. And all of the useful links I have been shown. ❤️ Thank you.

Now onto the life update. Fiance and I had a talk on what we want and what is best for us. Long heart to heart and lots of cuddles with our cats while we talked on the short term and long term goals and needs for us and ourselves.

He has set his line for his family, they cross it and no contact goes into play. He wants us to be respected, to not be emotionally drained by them, and he feels horrible that they pulled this. He had hoped I would be treated well since they appeared to mellow after meeting me and him going no contact for a bit.

There will be drama, they are all skilled FB warriors for sure. But I wrote them an email and shared it for those involved so everyone gets the same email and can't claim falsities I never wrote. Yes when I get replies and it blows up I will share those tidbits. Trust me, it's scary how many of you could guess how they were or what they were like without much info on them. Must be a cloning machine of these types of people.

I took everyone's advice and looked up local rates for childcare and pet sitters (25 to 50 an hour) ... Dang! If I can't find something in my field at least I know there's good opportunities out there. Being a nanny was never my intention. I was doing what I saw as a favor but once it was going to impact my ability to pay my bills and life is when it was no longer a favor but employment to me.

I strongly believe in family care, I had been hopeful that as I respected and helped them they would do it in turn. I know just because they are my fiance's family doesn't mean I am obligated but I try to find the good in others.

It's why I needed an internet full of strangers acting as my sounding board to make sure I wasn't twisting this into something it wasn't. Didn't think so at the $3 an hour part but being an only child I may have missed something in the helping family manual.

I have worked for family before many times for both free and for pay, an uncle, that needed pretty much a phone call taker, note giver, and once a week sweep the place person from 9am to 5pm mon through sat. His "family" rate for that was $10 an hour OVER minimum wage, he told me 5 was for being family and the other 5 was because he could afford it since I was freshly moved out and he knew what it's like to struggle.

And there were other times I didn't get paid but they were up front about that part and extremely greatful when I was still willing to help. And later on down the line those family members returned the favor or even dropped off cash later on when they were able to.

So that's the family model I had in my head. Good friends that become family also in that. So I was a bit blindsided and flabbergasted by people who weren't strangers trying to be so entitled and selfish to someone they are long term gonna foreseeably have in their lives.

I have a plan in place with my fiance and my own friends and family, who sound a lot like all of you and pretty much told me to tell them to go pound sand. And while sure they are someone's family clearly I'm not family to them so I owe them nothing if they aren't willing to pay a real living wage to "family". Thank you all again, I'll post when there's a good bit more to tell.

New update:

Okay so I cant go into full detail as to what as all happened since this was bigger than I knew and it has turned into legal troubles, for them. I have been asked to not share a lot of information since it could hurt what is going to happen in the next coming year or so. But I had to update everyone just a bit and thank all of you for you kindness.

So, I did email them and told them the whole thing was never agreed and that I could not take on a job that could not pay my bills. I used fancy language but for the sake of not being traced back to me or this post ill just say I said it nicely but didnt give them anything other than I hadnt agreed and I was not doing it period. No excuses, no bargaining, nada.

It went over like i had expected, phone calls i didnt pick up, facebook posts i didnt bother to look at, friends of friends putting their noses into this mess and drama.

What i wasnt expecting was the bio dad for Kid to not know a damn thing was going on and he was pissed when he realized the full scenario going on with Kid. It was a lot more ugly than just a cheap parent looking for nearly free babysitting.

I cant go over it since its a legal matter but it seems them making a stink on facebook not only got the bio dad's attention it got a few coworkers to the mom and grandma also nosy and they started to dig into matters. And that triggered a lot more to come down on top of them and right now its ugly and they can't even blame me or my fiancé for it since they posted all about things online themselves.

So that is all I can really say, Kid is safe, with bio dad family while things are looked into. He is doing better in school from what his dad has mentioned. So on that end I am glad the innocent one in this is safe. The rest.. well... i got a dang good lesson on not always being so accommodating to "family" and learning to put myself and my fiancé first more than allowing myself to be used.

Plus side! We are moving away from the town all of the family is in. We got an offer from friends to move into their 6 bedroom house with them. So we pay our rent to them to help their mortgage and we are already best friends so we can spend more time together. It's a better place than where we live now and its further away from the troublesome family but still close to my own family.

Thank you to everyone that has shared information with me and given me advice both kind and harsh. Overall, it's been a journey but we came out stronger after it.