'AITA for cancelling a trip with my girlfriend because she asked my brother to come?' UPDATED

"AITA for cancelling a trip with my girlfriend because she asked my brother to come?"

I’m 22(M) and Felix 18(M), is my adopted brother. My parents saved Felix from an abusive home when he was a kid, so they were always really protective over him, and he was always the favorite.

This made me feel bitter toward him while growing up. Even though Felix is an adult who just started college, my parents still dote on him; up until he moved out they made his meals and they still schedule his doctor appointments. (Which they didn’t do for me at his age.)

I met Emma 21(F) at university and we’ve been together for about 3 years. She’s so damn sweet, funny, beautiful, and we’re SUPER close. Felix was accepted into the same university as me, and while he probably could have gone to a better one, our parents forced him to go to mine as they thought it would be safer and make visits easier if we lived in the same city.

Anyways, I think my girlfriend Emma is interested in Felix, and It breaks my heart to think it. And this is probably my fault. When I was helping Felix choose his classes, his major had overlap with Emma’s so I signed him up for a couple of hers.

This is because A. I didn’t know what else to go off of, and B. If they’re in the same class, I could see them afterwards and show Felix around campus, or give him a ride to the grocery store, etc., AND get to see my gf. I never even thought of what could go wrong.

First day I went to see them after their class, I introduced them to each other, and we went to get food. I realized that they were getting along really well. She laughed at his jokes, asked him about random facts from their studies, and then marveled at how smart he was after he knew the answer. Don’t get me wrong, Emma was still far more all over me, so at that time I thought it was just her being her sweet self.

But over time, their blooming friendship became harder and harder for me to bear. Felix has this way of interacting with others that’s very flirtatious-and he doesn’t seem to notice. Like this one time we had a friend gathering at our house and Felix told one of the girls that she’s so pretty that if he saw her picture being used to sell frames at the store, he’d buy the whole shelf, or something like that.

But he seemed surprised when she asked him to go out with her later on, and told her no. He does this behavior with everyone, even other dudes, and now with Emma. It drives me crazy because no one else finds this behavior creepy the way I do, but I guarantee if an ugly guy acted like Felix, suddenly my parents wouldn’t find it so cute.

The first thing was when we went to a restaurant because my parents were in town, and Emma was invited. She noted how good her food was. Felix asked if he could try some, and she said yes. But instead of scooping some of it out of her plate like a normal person, he gently tugged on her sleeve, guided her spoon into his mouth, and thanked her. She just giggled. Am I crazy for finding that intimate??

If she updates her appearance, Felix will notice and compliment her. He joked that if biology doesn’t work out for her, she could easily fall back on a modeling career. I’ve heard him say this kind of shit to countless girls so I told Emma it means nothing. He’s also invited us to hang out with him in the past, and even if I can’t go with them, will still ask her to go with just the two of them.

Emma has never stopped him. At least at first, she’d laugh it off dismissively, but over time, it was clear she was enjoying the attention. She began talking about him a lot, like funny things he did in class, and asked a couple times what he was like when he was younger. When the winter quarter began, they joined some classes together and for the first time Emma didn’t bother to ask me to join any of hers.

They would hang out together after class without me. And when the three of us DID hang out, she’d give him more and more attention, looking at him while smiling as if he’s the best thing ever. I just wish she’d look at me like she used to.

One day I overheard her and her friend in my apartment, where her friend complained “There are no men in our major with both brains and brawn.” (they’re in STEM so all the dudes in there are probably built like the Chicago bean,) and Emma quietly replied “That’s not true, just look at Felix.” I have to admit I cried on my floor that night.

The absolute worst thing was when our friend group was at Mcdonald's, we were joking about this flyer we saw on campus asking for nude models that paid really well. Suddenly Emma, in front of me, told Felix he should sign up for it.

This turned into an uncomfortably drawn out conversation between Emma and a few other friends about my brother’s body, and how he would be perfect for artists to sculpt (they worded it grossly, albeit in a joking manner) and how he needs this (he’d been job searching.)

Emma kept being insistent, saying “seriously, you’d make so much money,” genuinely trying to convince him. Felix kept saying no and giving valid reasons why he didn’t want to, but Emma kept being pushy, telling him to apply. She and the others didn’t quit until Felix stopped responding.

I’m not confrontational at all, but in the car ride home I passively said that that whole conversation was kinda weird, and it was uncomfortable for me to hear about how badly my own girlfriend and her friends wanted my brother to get naked. Me and Emma are the unserious type, and I said this in a pretty joking way. But she seemed to take it seriously.

She said “What?!” Like my accusation was the stupidest thing she’s ever heard, and she said she was just trying to be like a good older sister to Felix and help him get a job. I told her that while I want him to get hired too, it’s not like I’d urge him to do OnlyFans or something.

She told me I’m making something out of nothing, but I told her that regardless, Felix looked uncomfortable since they were making comments about specific parts of his body. We went back and forth for a bit over this, never really raising our voices but both being upset, and I ended up dropping her off at her own place instead of taking her back to my apartment.

I’ll also say that since Felix moved here, I tried to become an extra good boyfriend for Emma. If Felix complimented her hair, I’d buy her an expensive hair product and compliment her even better. I’ve always spoiled her, but feeling competitive, I really upped my game. I know that that was a really backwards way of solving my insecurities, rather than just talking to Felix or Emma.

But I didn’t want to admit that I’m jealous of Felix, like I had to all the time when we were kids. I just want one area of my life that’s mine, that gives me its undivided love and attention, and I thought that Emma was that for me. Now whenever she mentions Felix or I think of them in class together, I feel physically ill.

That’s just to say that the day after the semi-argument, I felt insecure again and texted an apology to Emma. Then I proposed that we go and visit a nearby lake town that she’d been wanting to do for a whole year. She already had a plan of everything she wanted to do there, it’s always just been me that was too busy.

So she was super excited. She chose a weekend and we spent the prior week planning for it, deciding the activities, and packing and she booked us a hotel room. But before we headed out on Friday, she asked me a question that destroyed me. She asked if we could bring Felix. No other friends- she didn’t ask if we could make it a group thing. She asked for just Felix to come.

I asked her why on Earth we’d bring my little brother when it’s supposed to be something romantic for the two of us. She explained that the three of us are always hanging out, and she’s told Felix about the lake and invited him to go sometime in the past, so it would be rude not to bring him.

After bottling up everything for so long, I finally blew up at her with how upset the two of them made me. How I felt like a third wheel whenever it’s the three of us. I mentioned the flirting, and the conversation I overheard, and even briefly mentioned how my parents did this exact thing to me (admittedly they have nothing to do with her) but still told her I’m so tired of being someone’s second favorite.

She responded by saying I was totally exaggerating as I’m acting like she cheated, when she didn’t do anything. (I never accused her of cheating.) She said all their interactions have been platonic, and she kept explaining her side of things to where I began to feel guilty for getting so emotional.

But I told her I was sorry, and wouldn’t go to the lake with her anymore, which pissed her off. She said the hotel and a couple places she booked times with would charge her a cancellation fee, but I didn’t care.

This happened about a week ago and I haven’t seen them since. Felix texted me, asking to talk just the two of us, (I assume Emma told him about our fight) but I blocked him. Do I genuinely think Felix is interested in Emma? No, he’s probably just sheltered by my parents and doesn’t know better. But do I think Emma likes him? Yes. But I still love her, so damn much.

But what if I’m wrong? What if she just thinks he’s a good friend? In their defense, I’ve never really told Felix to stop the flirting, nor really mentioned to Emma that her friendship with him bugs me. I'm also the one that put them in the same classes and introduced them.

AITAH for canceling my plans with my girlfriend to the lake, when she asked my brother to come? Am I overreacting? What should I do? I can’t talk to my parents about this because they adore him.

What do you think? Is he overreacting? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

youmustb3jokn said:

Nta. Not trying to sound harsh but how does your gf of 3 years not know or hasn’t witnessed how you feel about Felix? Seriously, I’m sure you have mentioned to her the unequal treatment to her before and for her to fawn this much over him is really insensitive. Also, there is no reason why you needed to bring him along on the romantic weekend.

If I were you, I’d contact Felix first and actually have an honest and constructive conversation with him about how you felt like second best and his flirting with your gf just really bothered you. This is the thing, nothing you said about Felix, at least in the post, makes me think he wants to hurt you. He may actually want to be closer to you. I think that may be difficult if you aren’t honest with him about how you feel.

And if he’s evil you’ll find out quickly because he’ll hear you and continue to do the things that hurt you. Either way it is a win for you. As for your gf I kinda think her lack of communication and her suspected reaching out to Felix rather than solving it with you is telling. I’m sorry. She seems more interested in her own feelings than being able to see how your feelings are important too.

Also. Felix’s charisma and flirty attitude is very common for kids that have been abused. Maybe he feels like he needs to please everyone or they won’t like him like those in the past. Or maybe it’s a coping thing, either way I bet he has feelings of insecurities too and a talk with him may bring some light to that.

Bitter_Animator2514 said:

She’s emotionally invested in him

Both-Shoulder-8363 said:

NTA. Whole thing sounds brutal, get out while you can. Even that you’ve tried so hard to discuss it in a non-confrontational way and she’s used that to beat you with. I’m not sure what else you can do other than realise it’s not paranoia and GTFO

groovyshroomies said:

NTA. You communicated a boundary to your partner. Yes it's possible some past insecurities about Felix are playing into this, but inviting your younger brother to come with you guys on a romantic getaway is truly unbelievable. It seems like you kept your fears and concerns to yourself until something happened that was extremely obvious and inexcusable.

Do not let her gaslit you into thinking otherwise. She's trying to make it sound like a logical and innocent decision to invite Felix but it makes zero sense to invite your boyfriends little brother on a romantic getaway. I feel the ick, dude.

And Cynical_Cat13 said:

NTA- gf is basically having an emotional affair with your brother. She's so invested in him that she would try to bring him to a couples trip. That should say it all. You're second best again but it's not your fault that you have a disloyal gf.

Pushing the nude modeling was very disrespectful, if roles were reversed, it would be hella creepy. You say you know love her, but it seems like she's begging for bros attention. Have a serious discussion with him and explain everything. Ditch the attention seeker.

He later shared this beast of an update:

The response from the first post made me realize I’ve been biased against Felix, so I met up with him to talk. The reason why Felix texted me was apparently because Emma asked him about my upbringing, and something she said made him think I was mad at him.

I asked him straight up if he was into Emma and he said no, and said he agreed to go to the Lake because he thought I was the one wanting him to come. I asked to see their texts, and Felix agreed.

The texts weren’t really explicit, but they still felt intimate. Emma gave him compliments, affirmations, and nicknames, and spoke to him lovingly in a way that made me feel special to her when she spoke to me.

She asked Felix for help with schoolwork constantly to fixate on how smart he is, told him about her dreams for the future, and asked him for advice about one of her deepest struggles. There was nothing that alluded to cheating, but I somehow still felt betrayed.

Felix’s texts were mostly jokes, and the affectionate ones were pretty much just texts he sends to our mom. I trusted him at this point, so I tried to explain how they made me feel. He apologized profusely and said he’d stop talking to Emma. He told me he had his own crush, and joked I should ask her out on a weekend trip to get back at him.

Felix said he was just trying to be friends with my friends so I’d hang out with him beyond just giving him rides. He asked if I blocked him because I don’t like him, and it was hard to explain that no I don’t like him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him.

I tried to explain my hostility by pointing out our parents’ favoritism, and Felix replied with something like “you’re right, they do seem to like me better. Maybe you’re adopted.” He’s never really taken that seriously.

I asked Felix to describe how Emma acted with him, and from what I could understand, Emma and her friend commented on his appearance often, knew he was at the gym routinely, and they visited him a few times while he was trying to work out. Emma frequently offered him rides and insisted that he come over to her apartment to drink, as he’d never done it before.

He didn’t tell me sooner because he doesn’t know what behaviors are okay or not (no shit) and thought Emma just wanted to be his friend. I gave him a crash course on relationship boundaries and why neither of their behavior was okay, and advised him not to “flirt” so much with everyone. Felix said he just tries to treat women like he treats guys, but promised to try and curb his behavior.

I had a few exchanges with Emma that I’ll just condense into one, when we finally met in person. She said that when we had our argument over the Lake, my anger came out of nowhere, and it scared her that I seemed like I was accusing her of cheating. She apologized for being close to Felix, but reminded me that I’ve never went into detail about my history with him. I apologized for not communicating.

When I brought up the texts, Emma opened their DMs for me to point out the one that bothered me, but I could barely explain why they did. I asked why she invited Felix on the trip, and she said she mentioned we had plans to go and Felix seemed interested.

However, Emma said she never saw Felix at the gym like he claimed, pointing out the times that he told me he went was during class for her. She listed a ton of examples of how Felix was the one initiating their closeness, and denied a few of the things he said she did.

Emma said he was the one insisting to try alcohol and even came over at some point, so it’s not like it was something he didn’t agree with. It was a group thing where they played card games and had a few drinks (I was skeptical but to be fair I often have female friends over at my place.)

Emma said he’d cut him off if this bothered me, but I told her we needed a break, because whether the interest Felix described was true or not, I believed it. She was very emotional, but eventually understood that it was my own issue, and not just something she did. She thanked me for being honest with her, and supported that I wanted to work on my insecurities.

There was a lot of back and forth between the two of them that I’ve left out, so at this point I was exhausted. But yeah I confronted Felix about the Emma stuff and he seemed nervous. He stood by what he said, and suggested Emma may have skipped class to see him at the gym.

He did in fact go over to her place to drink, and when he described what happened, his words were all over the place and his story kept changing. Felix is a bad liar so I felt this was a coverup, and demanded to tell me if he slept with Emma. He denied it and claimed his memory was hazy because the others gave him way too much alcohol, and went on about how he was so drunk that he threw up in the bathroom.

I gave Felix another crash course about alcohol safety, but didn’t fully believe him. I know his tells and he seemed like he was lying. I asked Emma about this and she didn’t see him get sick, which makes more sense as she’s very responsible with alcohol and I don’t think she would let someone she cares about overdo it.

I don’t know why they’d tell me about this in the first place, but I’m starting to think they drunkenly slept together and now they can’t get their story straight.

The other day, Felix notably cut back on his affectionate/flirty behavior with some of his friends, so it seems like he’s trying to show me he can listen to my advice. But I feel like he wouldn’t listen to me that much if he wasn’t super guilty, which almost makes me believe more that he slept with Emma. I said some pretty mean things to him when we were alone, but I regret it now, because I’m probably overthinking.

It would be really out of character for both of them to have an affair, as Emma was always loyal (before this shit) and Felix has never cared for dating. I kind of wanna make Felix send a mock “wanna go out?” text to Emma to see if she was lying about her feelings for him, but if she says yes, I’ll just feel like @$$.

I’m so tired of feeling paranoid, and I wasn’t prepared for Emma’s absence to be so surreal to me, and now I just feel detached from reality. I’ve contemplated contacting the others at the drinking night to hear their story, but I also just want to focus on other things right now. I think I’ll take the comment’s advice and look into counseling.