'AITA for cancelling my cousin's car for her wedding and not attending, after I already RSVPD?'

"AITA for cancelling my cousin's car for her wedding and not attending, after I already RSVPD?"

Like all of you, I absolutely love lurking and laughing at all the wedding drama here, but today I really need your opinion on a situation I find myself in. It's a bit long so please bare with me.

I (30F) have been married for a year to the most amazing man I have ever met, who also happens to be Indian, I am white. This is important for later. We are currently expecting our first baby, and I will be just over 8 months along on her wedding day. This is also important for later.

I have a cousin (40F), who I've had a fairly rocky relationship with, although we were always pretty close. Her wedding is coming up in September. Last year November when she first got engaged, she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids and I said yes. At this time I was still a fairly newly wed, but me and hubby were planning to start trying to grow our family by the beginning of this year.

I communicated this to her, as I felt it only right she knows one of her bridesmaids might be pregnant at the wedding. This was no problem for her. She also asked me if she could borrow a very vintage car that my hubby owns as her wedding car, as her theme would be 1920s. Me and hubby agreed.

Fast forward to March, basically no progress was made with the wedding planning, and most of everything was still ideas. I'm in the first trimester and my pregnancy is treating me rough to say the least. My cousin then decides on bridesmaid dresses, and they are all tight, really tight and short. I politely remind her I will be heavily pregnant and they might not fit me, to which she just shrugs me off.

I continue helping with the planning and going to venues and shops with her to get things ready. In May I am still having a rough time with my pregnancy and she decides on the final dresses for the bridesmaids, still tight and revealing. I decide the best way forward is pulling out as a bridesmaid as I'm very uncomfortable with the choice and feel everyone should have the wedding they dream of.

I go over to her house for a visit to tell her of my plan to pull out, but that I would still help wherever I can whenever she needs it. Only for her to inform me she has already dropped me as a bridesmaid when I got pregnant as it's inappropriate in my husband's culture for me to be a bridesmaid while pregnant.

No such rule exists, and she never in all the months of planning told me that I was no longer a bridesmaid. I decide to just leave it, as I did want to pull out anyway. I continue helping her with everything she needs, going to her dress fittings with her, etc.

A while after this my cousin informs me that I would be expected to do a choreographed dance with the wedding party. I try to politely decline, because honestly I'll be so so large at the wedding and would rather not. She shrugs this off also and just tells me it's fine I can definitely do it. I leave it there.

Fast forward to last Friday, after everything continued as usual, I give my cousin a call to ask her how planning is going. She tells me that she just finished her seating arrangements and wants to run it by me. So she tells me where everyone will be seated, she's doing tables for aunts and uncles, cousins, elderly, friends, friends, for our and her husband's families respectively.

Then there is a "random" table, at this table will be seated, 2 of her work friends and their partners, her nanny, me and hubby. There is only one problem, everyone aside from me at this table happen to be not white. Yes all the people of colour present at this wedding happen to be at this table.

The random table. Her friends don't get to sit with her white friends, we don't get to sit by the cousin's table. We have the "random" table. My flabbers are gasted! Am I overreacting and will I be the a$$hole if hubby and I don't go to the wedding, and don't give her our car for pretty photo's?

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what commenters had to say:

GodivaPlaistow said:

Don’t go and definitely don’t let her use your husband’s nice car.

Tell her, because you have dignity and integrity even if she doesn’t, then block her and don’t give her another thought. Live your lives in health and happiness.

Gran1998 said:

NTA! I’d call her on her BS, (bigotry) tell her you’re not coming and the car is no longer available. She can rent one from a white guy. I’m sorry she’s being such an awful human. I’d also go NC with her and keep your baby safe from that rudeness. Congratulations on your baby

And Oddly-Appeased said:

Oh hell no!! Your cousin is clearly a bigot. Personally I’d cut all contact with her, definitely do not let her use anything of yours especially the car.

NTA and never question what your feelings are telling you.