"AITA for cancelling on a wedding and not paying a fee?"
I (M29) was in a club back in 2015, and introduced my friend to a girl, they’ve been together since university & it is their wedding today. I planned to go, had booked a hotel etc even though my partner was not invited and I didn’t know anyone there, but that’s not relevant.
I had an important work visitation come up in France all week with an important client, so had to cancel. I know how insanely annoying it is with people cancelling especially weddings late on but I had no option for my future business and will massively help me financially.
He was obviously disappointed, I said can I have their home address so I can send them the wedding gift I had got them (dinner for 2 at The Shard in London). He gave it and said by the way, as you’ll be missing the food can you send the money to cover my empty spot, which is around $95 Per Head.
I understand it’s annoying I’ve had to cancel and weddings are huge cost, but surely a meal consisting of - Caesar salad - roasted chicken & greens - Bakewell tart for around $95 is taking the piss?! AITA if I question it or do I just send the money and stop complaining?!
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Turbulent-Arrival-23 said:
Send the money and NOT the gift.
Summers_Alt said:
YTA. Assuming you rsvp’d that was your confirmation of attendance. Especially since it was for work you should cover the costs the couple incurred for your change of plans. “It will massively help me financially” but you can’t help your friend you bailed on last minute? AH.
jd3marco said:
YTA. You RSVP’d but chose to bail because it will ‘massively’ help you financially. You will be able to afford to pay your friend back then. The catering charge is per person and sounded reasonable. I would still also send the gift.
saucybishh said:
YTA. It sucks you have to cancel, and he's right about having to eat the cost of you missing. With no warning you can't really expect to replace you with another friend. You should send the 95 and whatever gift you were going to give.
rialtolido said:
If we work on the presumption that the guest “pays for their meal” with their gift, if OP is still sending the gift, it shouldn’t matter if OP ate the food or not. I presume the couple isn’t charging people at the door! OP should send the fee or send the gift but not both. Is it a bit rude to cancel last minute? Yes definitely. But I would say NTA.
Ok_Homework_7621 said:
NTA. If you'd attended, they would have paid for the food and you would have provided a gift. You're not going, so they're still paying for the food, but they'd also be getting the gift, so for them nothing would change.
Now they don't want to pay for the food, but still want a gift? Guessing the gift would have been more than the fee. Pay the fee, but don't send anything else.
Super_Selection1522 said:
YTA. You clearly prioritize money. 12 hours notice to cancel an rsvp is aholery of the first order unless you or a loved one are admitted to the hospital. Man up, send the gift and the 95. You'll look back on it and feel better for having done it.