'AITA for stepping down as best man because I can’t afford my brother’s bachelor party plans?'
"AITA for stepping down as best man because I can’t afford my brother’s bachelor party plans?"
I (26M) am supposed to be the best man for my older brother (29M) this coming month. I love him, but he has always had champagne taste on a tap water budget, and he is obsessed with projecting a certain lifestyle on Instagram.
Last night, he called an emergency Zoom meeting with the groomsmen to discuss his bachelor party. I assumed we were going to rent a cabin, grill some steaks, and maybe go to a local brewery. Instead, he shared his screen and presented a literal PowerPoint for a four-day """"VIP"""" bender in Las Vegas.
The plan includes splitting a penthouse suite, booking premium bottle service at two different nightclubs, and renting exotic cars for one afternoon. After the call, he emailed us a breakdown of costs. My share of the weekend, not including my own flights or gambling money, came out to just over $3,500.
To make it worse, he also included a mandatory """"squad uniform"""" in the budget. He wants us all to buy matching maroon velvet blazers and wear this incredibly tacky, oversized novelty roulette watch so we """"look like absolute legends"""" walking across the casino floor. I literally cringed reading the itinerary.
The absolute irony here is that while he is demanding his friends max out their credit cards to fund his influencer fantasy, he is notoriously cheap when it comes to his own wallet.
His fiancée has mentioned before that he spends a lot of time trying to source the cheapest possible items online and that he recently ordered bulk groomsmen gifts from Alibaba to cut costs, so it feels strange that he’s comfortable asking us to spend this much.
I called him privately after the meeting and told him there is absolutely no way I can afford a four-thousand-dollar weekend. I work in logistics and I am trying to save for a house. I don’t have room in my budget for a trip like this, especially not on short notice.
He blew up at me, saying I’m not supporting him and that this is a once-in-a-lifetime event. He said as best man, I should be helping make it happen. Now my parents are telling me to just put it on a credit card and deal with it later because “it’s your brother’s wedding.”
I told him if this trip is mandatory, I may need to step down as best man because I genuinely can’t afford it. AITA for drawing that line? I feel like I am losing my mind!!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Well your parents didn’t specify which credit card so ask for theirs to put it on.
Your parents are messed up for telling you to put your credit on the line for something so frivolous. What if you had like an actual emergency and needed credit? So irresponsible jfc.
Tell your parents to foot the bill for your share then. And tell them it's your son's wedding.
Tell them that being the best man at your brother's wedding is a once in a lifetime opportunity and they are not being supportive if they don't pay for it. Just tell them to put it on a credit card and deal with it later or something.
The family telling you to "put it on your credit card" and go into debt is wild.
NTA. I gave my lil bro $500 as a wedding gift and he profusely thanked me. Seems your family has backward priorities.
NTA - but your brother and family sure are. If your parents want you to join, then they need to pay you to do it. Destination bachelor/bachelorette parties have never made sense to me - it's a huge ask in terms of time and money. You shouldn't be going into debt for HIS party and he shouldn't be asking you to. NTA.
Poll the other groomsmen without the groom. If the vote is unanimous, tell the groom that if he wants to go through with it, then he’ll do it by himself. If others think it’s a great idea, then there will be someone who can take over best man duties. NTA.
NTA he’s not just trying to have a champagne weekend on a beer budget, he’s trying to have it on YOUR budget. Bottle service is for fools.
NTA. Do not go into debt for this cliched tourist lunacy. Step back and step down, and do your best to be a couple hundred miles away when their inevitable dumbassery comes back to haunt them. Alternately, if your parents insist on encouraging this nonsense, they are welcome to foot the bill on THEIR credit card.
NTA. That's INSANE. Is there such a thing as "groomzilla"? I'd try to still be his best man. Just because you can't go on a grandiose trip doesn't mean you don't want to be there for him on his special day.
I have been in 7 wedding parties... here is an opinion from my experience: This request of you is complete lunacy, you drew a line in the sand, don’t let anyone convince you you need to pay this.
Here's the deal from my observations... in addition to the other stuff you mentioned about your brother's personality... the wedding industry is toxic and designed to prey on people's insecurities to bleed them of money. It makes people think they get to be king / Queen, and everyone in their lives should rearrange their time and finances in honor of them.
The constant "are you good enough" or "you deserve only the best" from every wedding vendor, magazine, social media, etc. really messes people up, because it pits them against thier loved ones when they don’t sacrifice everything to fund the fairy tale the industry puts in the bride / groom's heads.
Offer to help plan something everyone can afford, or he can have his very expensive weekend with the other schmucks.
P.s. - "Champaign taste on tap water budget" is my new favorite saying, thank you for this gift lol.