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'AITA for telling a girl I can't date her if she's friends with her ex? It's unnatural!'

'AITA for telling a girl I can't date her if she's friends with her ex? It's unnatural!'


I told a woman I'm seeing that she can't be friends with her ex if she wants to be with me.

Open_Address_2805 says:

I (29M) have been seeing this girl (26F) for about 3 months. We met at a bar when a mutual friend of ours introduced her to me. She's beautiful, quick-witted and confident so I was instantly attracted to her.

We hit it off immediately and spent quite a lot of time together over the next few weeks. In that time, we learnt a lot about each other and I also discovered that she was in a 6-year relationship that ended recently. They ended up breaking up amicably and they are still good friends. In fact, they still hang out although she swears it's just platonic.

They go out to dinner together, catch up over drinks, etc. She said that he helped her immensely during a tough period in her life and that they were still very close, despite the split. I said it was fine because I didn't mind since we were just casually seeing each other..

About two weeks after that, she brings up the possibility of us being more than just casual date partners and being in an actual relationship. I told her that I would definitely be down for that IF she cuts her ex out of her life. She started laughing and I said no, I'm serious. I'm not dating a woman who's going out on dates with their ex still.

I don't mind at all if you have a healthy, non-toxic relationship with your ex but catching up and still communicating frequently? I'm not putting up with that. I don't go out to dinner or do back-to-back shots with any of my exes. So I think it's completely fair for me to ask you to do the same. She said that there's no way that she's going to just never talk to her ex again.

I said okay, we can stay casual then - fine by me. She said cool, but then, 2 minutes later, she started berating me for being insecure. I said I'm not insecure, I just have certain boundaries. If you're not going to cater to them, we can just keep things as they are - I've got absolutely no issue with that. We ended up getting into a huge fight about it.

She kept reassuring me that what she had with him was in the past and I kept insisting that no matter how much you reassure me, if you want a relationship with me, you need to sever ties with him.

Here are the top comments from the post:

blz4200 says:

NTA (Not the A%&@ole), you can refuse to be in a relationship with someone for any reason and not be an AH.'

Awesomest24 says:

Nope. Extra baggage from someone else usually ends up being your baggage x20.

OP responded:

100% I ain't got time for that extra BS.

Gosc101 says:

This is your boundary and she should respect it. Personally, while I think someone can remain in platonic friendship with their ex, still going on "dates" to catch up is way too much.

TheDIYEd says:

NTA and I think regardless of what she does next you should not be looking at her for a serious relationship. Honestly, just break it off now while it’s still fresh.

What do you think? Would you date someone who was still friends with their ex?

Sources: Reddit
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